Yes, Hooligans, it’s time for yet another installment of everyone’s favorite program…
ADVENTURES WITH DEAR SWEET MAMA
Scene: Two Southern girls (Hoody and DSM) are at a random NJ diner. DSM has ordered sausage gravy and biscuits, and The Waitress has just delivered the food.
Hoody: Is that..?
DSM: I don’t know…
Both girls lean toward the plate, cocking their heads like the RCA dog and making squinky eyes.
The Waitress: Is everything okay?
DSM: Is this sausage gravy and biscuits?
HH: Oh, ’cause it looks like creamed chip beef. Which we will also eat.
The Waitress departs. HH pokes a tentative fork into one of the lumps on DSM’s plate and conducts a cautious taste test.
HH: It’s kielbasa.
DSM: Kielbasa? Well, it IS a sausage…
This incident led to a discussion of the “Don’t Fuck with Our Food” theory of dealing with Hoody and DSM. In essence, we want what we want in the way we are used to getting it, and woe betide he who gets creative about it. However…
Skip to: Hoody and DSM are in the car with a bag of McDonald’s
HH: Oh, crap, mine’s sausage.
DSM: Mine’s sausage, too… AND bacon.
HH: Yeah, mine too.
Sounds of ravening wolves consuming what turned out to be Bacon Egg and Cheese AND SAUSAGE biscuits – which isn’t even a thing McDonald’s makes.
DSM: That was really good, though.
HH: Yeah, except I think I’m sweating pork fat…
HH: You think we should get another one?
And after that we went to the movies and saw Oblivion, which is epic and awesome and further proves that crazy translates directly into hot (Seriously, Tom Cruise? SO crazy, but dayum). And we ate nachos and cheese and hot buttery popcorn and now we are sick. And greasy.