Karma Sucks

Okay, I get it.  Very funny.

Last night, I was playin’ with makeup (like ya do) and decided to see if I was still any good at bruises (just go with it, I’m weird).  So I gave myself 2 black eyes and a broken nose and MAN!  It looked SWEET!  That’s when I called Chuckweasel to tell him what I’d done… and that’s when I made the suggestion that I would have to pay for later.

I asked if he thought it would be okay for me to be a Poorly-Behaved 1950’s Housewife for Halloween.  I have the perfect dress, and well, these great BRUISES, see?  And he said no, Hoody, you’re being inappropriate (again), why don’t you try to turn it into zombie makeup?  And I didn’t have the heart to tell him, zombies don’t bruise, bruising requires a functioning circulatory system… his education is sorely lacking.

But apparently he was right, and I WAS being inappropriate (again), because this morning the universe decided to teach me a lesson.  I was getting out of the shower and my foot slipped on the wet floor and I busted the HELL outta my knee.  So now when I get home and take my pants off, I will have a massive REAL bruise to remind me that assault isn’t funny, Hoody.  And the worst part is, the floor wouldn’t even have BEEN so wet if I hadn’t got out of the shower once previously to check and make sure I’d washed all the makeup off. 

So, yeah, entirely karma this time, although I am prone to serious shower-related injuries… I actually cracked a bone in my foot getting out of the shower once, beat THAT!

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19 Comments

Filed under La Vida Loca, Random Thoughts, Reality Bites

19 responses to “Karma Sucks

  1. Ouchies! I do this too and I also still rock at making bruises on my skin out of make-up, I also rock at making bruises on my skin by walking into stuff too.

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  2. the sad thing is, I fell asleep with the “bruises” still on my face, and I scared the BEJEEZUS out of myself when I got up to pee in the middle of the night!

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  3. My daughter, who does the best Halloween makeup/costumes EVAH each year, went last year with her boyfriend and three female friends in a group costume. He was dressed sort of redneck prudish, and she and the other girls were in very horrid bland dresses and long lank hair and a huge assortment of bruises and injuries. And a couple huge preggo bellies.
    They were, as they said trying not to trample toes overtly, a “cult marriage.”
    It was fantastic.

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  4. Funny and painful. 🙂 Just like life.

    Another great post, Hoody. Winning!

    Pearl

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  5. Dear Sweet Mama

    Sweet Jesus, girl. Maybe you should start washin up with a cloth at the sink and forget the shower or tub. Just spray down with some deoderant.

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    • I really don’t understand it, but it pretty much has to be your fault, right? Did you teach me improper shower usage? Or sand the “grippers” off my feet when I was little?

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      • Dear Sweet Mama

        Oh, honey – we had “poor folkes” showers – you know, that you mount on the wall your own self and can then take down and wash while you sit in the tub? I don’t think I ever taught you how to stand in a shower. My bad.

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  6. I think this was just a warning shot by Karma. After all, the bruise is on your knee where it is not easily visible to everyone and you do not have to explain how it wasn’t Chuckweasel, but a fall. Nobody is buying that. Even if you are clumsy.

    P.S. I have never tried to make bruises with makeup. I have however, made bruises everywhere else by generally being clumsy.

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    • I am so prone to self-injury that Chuckweasel has actually requested that I NOT try to hide my visible bruises, since that just makes it look worse. But I do feel sorry for him getting all the “you abusive bastard” looks from people!

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  7. Karma’s a bitch. I know, I had choir with her in 10th grade.

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  8. I think its okay to be an little inappropriate on Halloween. Then again, I tried to convince my (at the time) boyfriend to dress as an altar boy the year I was a boy scout and he did NOT think that was funny. So, maybe we’re both just wildly offensive people.

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    • I’m pretty sure that if I want to do something, it’s got to be inappropriate. Dear Sweet Mama always says if I find something funny, it’s guaran-damn-teed to either piss somebody off or mortally offend them!

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