Forgive me for the delay, but I had to take a minute to get my mind right after this year’s State of the Union. I mean, DAYUM.
When he started off by jumping in with his warm-up before he was actually introduced, that’s when we knew this was not gonna go well. I get you, bro – you neither like nor respect Speaker Pelosi. But facts is facts, and tradition states she was supposed to introduce you. Jumping the gun like that is like Parliament opening without Black Rod. It’s not DONE. Traditions are important, much like the rule of law and fitness for the office to which one has been elected. But I digress…
So, we all know we have a Union, and it’s yuge. The yugest. The absolute yugest Yunyun the world has ever seen. How best do we celebrate our achievements over the past year and look forward to our future?
Hmm. Probably not by mocking dead heroes and insulting a fellow lawmaker (and an entire culture) even BEFORE the event began. Probably not by consistently lying like a yard-sale rug and smarmily smarming at a group of your COLLEAGUES for applauding without your permission (“You weren’t supposed to do that.”). Yeah, we know you prefer that women show their appreciation in other ways.
We most DEFINITELY don’t showcase our best of the best by going on and on and on about your “boarder” wall until your archenemy had to stop the angry grumbling her own self. Which she did like a BOSS.
But you know, it’s okay. She’s not your real mom.
I’m sure he thinks his long, rambling, dear-god-please-stop-talking hostage situation of a speech was really – you guessed it – yuge. But statistics show that, like many other things belonging to the current President, his was still shorter than Bill Clinton’s. And smaller than Obama’s.