Category Archives: ZOMBIES!!!

Best of Bad Choices

So, the office today was full of Cub Scouts on a tour or something (“Explore the exciting world of radio, kids!  Now, quick, tell Mommy you’ve decided to go to medical school after all!”).  At least, I assume they were Cub Scouts – either that or a pack of midgets in creepy outfits… Cub Scouts is a better option.

As if I hadn’t already been exposed to more children than is clearly outlined in my contract, I was then confronted by a confusing situation at the Tar-jay.  Not being a parent myself, I’ll throw the question open to all of y’all:

Question:  You are teaching your tiny child how to walk.  Do you do this:

A.  At home.  Your nice, safe home.

B.  In a park or other lovely outdoor setting filled with soft, cushiony grass to fall on.

or C.  Back and forth across the aisles of a busy Target filled with self-absorbed Saturday shoppers wielding carts at dangerous speeds, not to mention one Hoody on a mission for Lobster Bites.

You can probably guess, today I was confronted by C.  And I almost ran the little fucker precious snowflake down, because I am operating on about 2 total hours of sleep. And it’s not even good sleep, it’s sleep filled with dreams about The Evil Troll, whom I’ve probably conjured up by writing about him, and who is interfering with my regularly-scheduled dreams of a certain Viper pilot.

So I wake myself up thrashing every hour or so (and NOT in the good way), which sucks… and double-sucks when you get up for work at 3am.  TIRED, yo!

Still staying up watching “Charmed” instead of sleeping, though.  Priorities, Hoody haz them.

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Filed under I Rule You, I'm Confused, La Vida Loca, Weep for Humanity, ZOMBIES!!!

I Am a Liar

It’s not my fault, but I must admit:  I lied to the entire state of New Jersey.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

You see, I went to work yesterday, under orders from The Bosses to lead with weather – even though, as they admitted themselves, it “wasn’t going to be a big deal.”  The National Weather Service was advising “little precipitation, snow changing to rain by afternoon.”

Then this happened.

IMG_20131208_160053_535

Mother. Fucker.

So basically, I told an ENTIRE STATE full of easily-terrified senior citizens that there was nothing to fear… when I should have been issuing a bread-and-milk alert.  Credibility.  I hazn’t got it.

Allow me to once again reiterate for those of you who have not been following along in class:  I AM NOT A METEOROLOGIST.  I was once a “weather girl” very briefly, but that was basically tits-and-ass with a blue screen.  I HAVE NO DOCUMENTED SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE OF THIS SUBJECT.

This is why, when I worked at the TV station, I used to rail and fight so hard AGAINST leading with weather (ask Gilbert, he was present for many of the Attempted Firings of Hoody that resulted from my stand on the subject).  Weather is NOT my business, and I prefer to leave the lying to the professionals.

Thanks for listening to my rant.  I love you fuckers.

HH

P.S.  And don’t worry about me during this unexpected Snowpocalypse.  I have my trusty survival tool:

IMG_20131208_164545_091

Yeah, BUDDY!

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Filed under Gilbert, Reality Bites, SCIENCE!, Weep for Humanity, WTF???, Youse Guys, ZOMBIES!!!

For Your Viewing Pleasure

As we all know, television viewership takes up a significant portion of my day (largely because I’m holed up in my room hiding from the increasingly-evil Concubine). So let’s all pick up our clickers and see what’s entertaining us now, shall we?

  • The Walking Dead (AMC):  Duh!  Dear Sweet Mama and mine’s Sunday ritual – I have no idea how we’re going to survive the midseason break!  We’ve already decided if we ever win the lottery, we’re buying up all their ad time so they can go commercial-free.
  • Witches of East End (Lifetime):  I know, LIFETIME?  Which is why I initially did not hold out much hope for this one, but it turns out it’s great!  For those of you who also watch, I’m officially Team Killian – Dash is a douche.
  • American Horror Story:  Coven (FX):  the first of the AHS series I’ve watched, kinda makes me want to catch up on the others!  Of course, that fine-ass Angela Bassett doesn’t hurt – like my Dear Sweet Grandmama always used to say, good black don’t crack!
  • Almost Human (FOX):  LOVE THIS!  Which means it’s guaranteed to get cancelled.  So eat up the Kennex and Dorian eye candy while you still can!
  • Atlantis (BBC America):  Just discovered this on the OnDemand.  So far, I’m very much liking it and considering throwing a little at Jason, Pythagoras and (as always) Hercules (what is it about Mark Addy?)
  • Breaking the Faith (TLC):  FLDS girls running away from the Warren Jeffs compound – how could I NOT be watching this???  It’s a little overacted at times, but forgivable.
  • Ancient Aliens (History):  Not only do I love this show on its own merits, it also affords me the opportunity to spend time with my unwitting fiance, Giorgio Tsoukalos.  Yeah, he doesn’t know it, but that crazy-haired little monkey SHALL BE MINE (Gilbert should be fine with it, it’s all about the gyros and the geek cred!)

I will also watch the shit out of any House, Bones, Castle, SVU or what have you, especially in marathon form.  And as we all know, I’m a HUUUUUGE dork, so I also spend a lot of time gettin’ my learn on, watching History and Discovery and such for fun.  My latest forays include a 2-hour show on The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre and several shows about dinosaurs/cavemen/whatnot.

Also, it’s illegal to have a platypus for a pet.  Mother. Fucker.

Your turn, Hooligans – what boob-toobage can’t you live without?

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Filed under At the Movies, Getchore LEARN on!, Gilbert, I Rule You, La Vida Loca, University Challenge, Weep for Humanity, WTF???, ZOMBIES!!!