Lowe’s Cares (No, Really!)

So yesterday, Dear Sweet Mama and I went foraging for Christmas decoration-type things, and we wound up at Lowe’s.  And no sooner do we walk in than one of the sales clerks PISSES. HOODY. OFF.

See, DSM was returning something at the returning-something counter, so I was cart-wrangling.  But when I went to push the cart past the returning-something counter into the store itself, the girl snaps, “Ma’am, you can’t go through there!”

To which I reply, “Well, where do you suggest I go?”  (I know, completely laid myself open, right?  I’ll tell HER where to go!)

And she proceeds to make me go BACK OUTSIDE and around to the main doors to enter with my evil cart.  And Hoody don’t play that.  Plus, bitch MA’AMed me.

So I tweeted this:

“Great, first #HomeDepot acts like assholes, now #Lowes is getting attitude – customer service, motherfuckers!”

Forgive me, I don’t know how to post the actual tweet (pretty not techie, ‘member?).  But that’s not the important part — THIS is:


From @LowesCares – “We’re sry about the cs u rcvd.  Give us opp 2 address.  Send dtails, ur contact info & store loc 2 CareTW@lowes.com.”

Which I have farmed out to DSM, who is much better at getting free shit than I am.  But STILL, yo!  I post an angry tweet, and they respond!  A tweet in which I said “motherfuckers,” no less!

Bravo, Lowe’s.  I hereby dub thee The Official Home Improvement Superstore of Hoody’s Hooligans, LLC.


HH:  “Fuckin’ Bones.  They ruined my Hodgins-fix with one of my least favorite midgets.” (yeah, yeah, I know, don’t say midget…)(and yes, I love me some Hodgins…)

DSM:  “Which one?”

HH:  “This one:”


Yes, I used my phone to look up which actor it was that I didn’t like on the ages-old Bones rerun I was watching.  Turns out, his name is Danny Woodburn and I’m sure he’s a very nice man, there’s just something about him that makes me not trust him.  But Mama likes him, and took me to task for my unreasoning hatred.  So all is well.

Still didn’t need him fucking up my Hodgins-fix, though.  Way to cock-block, Danny.



Filed under Adventures with Dear Sweet Mama, I Rule You

2 responses to “Lowe’s Cares (No, Really!)

  1. Chris Cochran

    As a hooligan who happens to work at Lowes I thank you.


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