So, confession time: Two Christmases ago (12/25/11), Hoody went to her Bad-Ass Cousin’s house (you know, the 0ne who always got you in trouble as a kid – that one) and got, as Hoody does tend to get, fairly fucked up. Hoody then attempted to drive home and suddenly saw blue lights. Now, in the words of the poets, “I ain’t tryin’ to see no highway chase wit’ Jake,” so Hoody pulled over and got her drunk ass a DUI.
Yes, she’s sorry.
And on the plus side, she’s now in a “treatment program” (the quotes will make sense later) and can therefore present to you:
DRUNK SCHOOL DIGEST
Week 1, Day1
Got invited to sit at “the cool kids'” table by lunchtime – helps to be hotter than a smacked ass. Today we learned how to steal things from the supermarket. We also learned that men are bad and are the root of all violence and evil – from a MALE counselor.
Week 1, Day 2
This shit really, really drags. I did see one girl’s boob this morning when she flopped (yes, I do mean “flopped”) it out in front of everyone, so there’s that.
Week 1, Day 3
I seem to be the only person here who’s JUST a drunk. Everyone else is a “booze-and-” – like, heroin, coke, etc. I feel like the slow kid in class.
Week 1, Day 4
Ditched. No sleep, couldn’t face it. Turns out there was a huge fight between one of the counselors and some of the “students” – I missed it!
Week 1, Day 5
Really starting to get a complex about NOT being a drug addict. Everyone was sharing their “freak-out” stories and my drunk ass got nothin’. Also, I may be the only person here with teeth.
Stay tuned, it can only get weirder!