Finger Chickens

As opposed to Chicken Fingers… mmmm, chicken…

SCENE:  Hoody and Dear Sweet Mama are watching the New Year’s Resolution episode of “American Dad,” in which Deputy Director Bullock wants to chop off someone’s finger (don’t worry, no spoilers).

DSM:  So, what finger would you pick?

HH (without missing a beat):  Well, it can’t be my left hand, ’cause I might get married someday and I don’t wanna fuck up the pictures. (You know, the one where it’s both your hands with the bling showing?  I love that).

DSM:  But then it’s your RIGHT hand… and that’s gonna be creepy for handshakes.

Hoody and DSM proceed to shake each other’s hands with various fingers held back, testing for creep-factor.

DSM:  But wait, is it the whole finger or is there a stump?

HH:  I don’t want a stump, I think that’s somehow more creepy than just not having an entire finger.

The outcome of this discussion was the decision that the right pinky finger would be the way to go.  However, after further consideration, I must withdraw my vote for the right pinky, because I hold it out while sipping beverages in order to appear fancy (yes, all beverages).  So, to preserve my fancy, if I ever get married, the poor schmuck other person will just have to hold their hand over mine in such a way as to hide the fact that I have no LEFT pinky.  If I’m ever in a finger-cutting-off dilemma, that is.

That’s love, right there.



Filed under Adventures with Dear Sweet Mama, Getchore LEARN on!, Twu Wuuv

17 responses to “Finger Chickens

  1. I feel as if you’ve contemplated this scenario way too much.

    And now I’m hungry for chicken fingers. Damnit!


  2. Ricki

    I have several pictures of myself with my right pinky sticking out all dainty-like while holding a soon-to-be swilled Bud Light can/bottle. And I’m not even a Southern Belle!


  3. I had a great uncle who had no fingers on his right hand, just a thumb, because of a cow-barn fan accident when he was a child. He still wrote with his right hand.

    I just thought you ought to know.


  4. Plus you need your right pinky to hit the return key, was my first thought.

    The Boy chews his nails. There was no pretty ring picture for us. And he didn’t get a ring.


  5. You might want to reconsider, if for nothing but blogging purposes. If you lose your left pinky, so long to the “a” key. But if you lose the right, your punctuation might suffer, but you’d be ok otherwise.


  6. You could always get a prosthetic finger. Or a bunch of them in assorted novelty colors.


  7. I will be considering this for days now. Thanks?


  8. If I lost a finger I would promptly have my toe surgically removed and placed on my hand. It would be my thumb… And I would have the Mose epic finger known to man…. TOETHUMB!! I would use it to make people feel really awkward. Mostly by stroking their faces ever so gently with it.




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