(Because if I ever have to have an actual trial I want to have it in England because 1) Wigs and 2) Hot little Adama boy on Law and Order: Great Britain and 3) FUCKING. WIGS.)
Y’all bitches may wonder why I am the way I am… I present (milord)
THINGS DEAR SWEET MAMA ACTUALLY SAID TODAY
1. “Everything’s better with a little weenie.”
2. “If I have to have rubbers, I’m gonna need the tall ones.”
In her “defence,” one statement referred to those pretzel-wrapped hot dogs you get at Auntie Anne’s, the other to those stupid short rainboots that keep your feet dry but fuck your ankles. But STILL. IN PUBLIC she says these things!
Oh, wait, one more:
3. “Don’t you put that on Twitter!”
So I didn’t. YOU’RE WELCOME.