Trapped on the couch, watching crap TV while DSM and the Concubine carry my head cold germs to the rest of the family, I have discovered something potentially disturbing about myself, dear Hooligans.
I have never seen a Saw movie… ’cause that shit seems logical to me.
The series is all about, “I locked your dumb ass up and fed the key to this motherfucker right here and you have to cut him open to get free,” right? That type of shit? See, I’m fine with that.
I was just watching the true crapfest that is American Horror House (horribly acted, horribly scripted, but nice sfx and good that Morgan Fairchild got some work) and it occurred to me that I would never end up like Stupid Girl Trapped On The Third Floor With Stupid Boy. Y’see, they only had 10 feet of rope, so they were all, “Oh, noes, we can’t get down with that!” But I happen to know that human intestines are MUCH longer than 10 feet… in fact, you could probably double those suckers up and rappel like a Green Beret!
Plus, Stupid Girl had only just met Stupid Boy, so he’s nothing to her. Well, nothing but a Meat Ladder (patent pending). It might be harder if you actually KNEW Stupid Boy, but I doubt it… he is, after all, STUPID. And my sense of self-preservation is finely-honed, y’all — if ANYBODY’S takin’ this bitch out of the game, it’s gonna be me… and I ain’t nowhere NEAR done yet!