Veni, Vedi… Just Me?

Trapped on the couch, watching crap TV while DSM and the Concubine carry my head cold germs to the rest of the family, I have discovered something potentially disturbing about myself, dear Hooligans.

I have never seen a Saw movie… ’cause that shit seems logical to me.

The series is all about, “I locked your dumb ass up and fed the key to this motherfucker right here and you have to cut him open to get free,” right? That type of shit?  See, I’m fine with that.

I was just watching the true crapfest that is American Horror House (horribly acted, horribly scripted, but nice sfx and good that Morgan Fairchild got some work) and it occurred to me that I would never end up like Stupid Girl Trapped On The Third Floor With Stupid Boy.  Y’see, they only had 10 feet of rope, so they were all, “Oh, noes, we can’t get down with that!” But I happen to know that human intestines are MUCH longer than 10 feet… in fact, you could probably double those suckers up and rappel like a Green Beret!

Plus, Stupid Girl had only just met Stupid Boy, so he’s nothing to her.  Well, nothing but a Meat Ladder (patent pending).  It might be harder if you actually KNEW Stupid Boy, but I doubt it… he is, after all, STUPID.  And my sense of self-preservation is finely-honed, y’all — if ANYBODY’S takin’ this bitch out of the game, it’s gonna be me… and I ain’t nowhere NEAR done yet!

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16 Comments

Filed under At the Movies, I Rule You, SCIENCE!, WTF???

16 responses to “Veni, Vedi… Just Me?

  1. Well, that all does require gloves, but it’s still a good plan. I was just think use the 10 feet of rope and his squishy corpse will cushion my fall the rest of the way. Also muffle my landing noises.

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  2. Remind me never to get trapped by zombies in a house with you.

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  3. Hm. Now I’m not sure if you’re the person to hang out with during the ‘pocolypse or the person to flee from.

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  4. Whoa. That’s Christmassy. AHEM COUGH – crazy person – COUGH

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  5. Rosie

    Yeah, those things wouldn’t be strong enough to support the girl’s weight. They would stretch and snap right away.

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  6. Dude, it was just the third floor? I’d totally jump out the window. Or if there wasn’t a window, I’d use the chainsaw to cut a hole in the wall–instant window! Ooooh, or I could cut a hole in the floor, and jump down one level at a time–I’m less likely to break something that way.

    Plus, Bad Guy is going to be really pissed when he comes home and sees you’ve fucked up his home value, so that’s a plus.

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  7. “Meat Ladder”. I like it. You are RESOURCEFUL, lady.

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