The Night the Lights Went Out in Joisey

(Note:  This entry is intended to lighten the moods of its readers, not to in any way downplay or marginalize the devastating losses suffered — and still being suffered — throughout the Northeast.  May all the lost rest safe in the arms of the Lady, and those who are left find solace and renewal.)

1.  The first thing you discover when 3 (allegedly) grown-ass women are trapped in a relatively small house together with no electricity is an entirely new verb tense:  Third-Person Passive Aggressive.  For example:

“Well, SHE said…”   “Why does SHE get to…”   “I don’t see why SHE…”

And yes, if you’re wondering, I am usually SHE.

2.  Which brings us to our next lesson:  Sentences beginning with or even using the word “Why” ist VERBOTEN.  Come to think of it, this may be a good general rule all the time… Do not ask such questions, young Padawan; there are no answers.  DSM and I have established (alright, talked about establishing but not actually done anything about) a “Why?” Jar — like the Swear Jar, you have to put a nickel in every time you use the Forbidden Word.  Proceeds will be used for liquor.

3.  In New Jersey, a National Disaster means cute little red-headed girls will come knocking on your door to ask you out on a date.  Now, DSM says that’s not what “Would you like to come have a hot meal?” really MEANS, but I’m choosing to believe I am JUST. THAT. IRRESISTABLE.

4.  McDonald’s tastes like manna from freakin’ HEAVEN after several days of soup and questionable freezer-meat.

5.  On that note, when in doubt, THROW IT OUT!!!

6.  A days-long blackout is not a good time to have an abcessed tooth awaiting removal (the appointment WAS for the Tuesday after the Event).  Or, as in stepbrother Luke’s case, a raging case of systemic poison ivy (which I maintain he got for playing with himself and making the Baby Jesus cry).

7.  I hereby take back every nasty thing I ever said about the Snuggie/Forever Lazy line of products.  And I’m ordering some RIGHT NOW.

8.  Once you’ve been in the dark for a week, the lights coming back on scares the FUCK out of you.  And the house is hot as balls now that the heat’s working again!  58 degrees is downright balmy!

9.  Whatever your religious preference, one thing is certain:  God/dess is a Springsteen fan.

And seriously now, #10.  One thing you gotta say for Joisey — they take care of their own.  Even when you’ve only been “their own” for a couple of months, like yours truly — the sense of community and “we’re all in this together-ness” throughout this whole thing has been AMAZING.  Good on ya, Joisey.  Ya makin’ Hoody proud.






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17 responses to “The Night the Lights Went Out in Joisey

  1. Wow. Sounds like you had some FUN, with a capital F.U.

    Glad you made it through with just a normal amount of insanity. And nobody killed anyone in the house! That’s a total win.


  2. Virago

    If the Snuggie had existed during the ice-storm-induced power outages of my New England youth, I’d have been in favor of it, too…
    And I’m sure those cute little redheaded girls are succumbing to your irresistability and hitting on you. I’m neither little nor redheaded, but if I were on your doorstep, I’m sure I would! (Probably they are also instantly smitten by your accent, being surrounded as they are by people who speak Joisey …)
    Good luck with the tooth!


  3. What better way to meet the neighbors, than under duress. Hope you didn’t run out of wine…


  4. Hey, Hoody! Glad you have power and heat again. Sorry you all had to go through that storm. I hope this entry means you’re going to be joining the land of the intertubes again!


  5. I have to say it: has no one questioned the timing, given that this happened only a little while after you became a Joisey-ette? I mean, we all know you’re a force of nature, and that like attracts like….
    Not pointing any fingers here, just saying what we’re allllllllll thinking.
    I mean, I used to get blamed for the earthquakes in SoCal all the time.
    Stupid pro-level farts.


    • Honey, believe me — I moved an hour away from my hometown during a massive freak ice storm, then moved back just before one of the worst blizzards in WBGV history… then I move here, and bam! Hurricane, followed by blizzard. Sorry, Joisey!


  6. Glad you all made it through okay. Did you ever get to the dentist, or did you take care of it yourself with a pair of pliers, a stapler, and booze?


  7. Seriously, almost anything can be endured provided there is enough liquor. I assume you stocked up before the storm, right?

    And you gotta watch out for those red-headed red cross girls… they’ll get you alone and go all Deliverance on you.


  8. Glad to hear you and yours weathered the weather. But seriously, Snuggies are awesome.


  9. Thanks, you too! I’m still working on getting reconnected to the world, but hangin’ in there despite all adversity.


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