Turn Out the Lights…

and shit gets weeeeeird at Ye Olde Apartment Complex!!!

Y’all who follow me on Twitter know I promised the daily dispatches from The Great Power Outage of ‘Ought-12 just as soon as Stu Redman broke me outta quarantine, so let’s begin:

Day 1: Wicked Freaky Windstorm Descends upon WBGV; power goes out
Field Operative’s Report:

1. Houseflies become thoroughly discombobulated by candlelight, making them much easier for The Horde to search and destroy.

2. Waily-Baby next door also becomes thoroughly discombobulated by the lights being out, making ME want to search and destroy.

3. Drunk young men will wander the halls, asking if anyone has a spare candle. Oddly enough, they never knock on my door… apparently they are possessed of highly-evolved sense of self-preservation.

4. Several large black dudes whom I have never seen before will congregate in the parking lot directly outside my window, apparently to charge their phones in their cars. While doing so, they will use the word “nigga” so often I believe they now owe Katt Williams some royalties.

5. Rumors begin that a tree is down across our only access road, preventing anyone from leaving and causing me to evaluate Redneck Hillfolk for their Soylent Green value.

6. Every pet owner’s favorite game “WTF did I just step on/in?” becomes an Extreme Sport.

Stay Tuned: Dispatches from Day 2 continue… in which Our Heroine foolishly leaves the Horde!

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22 Comments

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22 responses to “Turn Out the Lights…

  1. I’m glad you’re safe! Sounds like it’s been…er…interesting for you!

    Sidenote: for some reason my house has become infested with an unusual amount of large, juicy, slow-moving flies. The cat is having a field day.

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  2. Gasp! A “The Stand” reference! Mirror Spirit, yo!

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  3. Don’t hate me, but we never lost power. Thank goodness. Glad you survived!

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  4. While I am tempted to brag about how we didn’t get any storms in Colorado, that would be foolish seeing as most cities didn’t even have a firework display and setting off any fireworks of your own would land you a class 4 felony because of the extreme fire danger.

    There are flies here, too. What’s up with the flies? Are they a herald of the end times or something?

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    • yeah, I think we had that fire warning too — but no one heard about it ’cause the power was out! Ha!
      And, forgive another “Stand” reference… but don’t flies follow RF wherever he goes? Just sayin’, the rats may be in the corn…

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  5. There were so many parts of this that made me laugh, I can’t even begin to name them all. Hang in there!

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  6. jen

    Stephen King reference for the motherfucking win, yo. “Laws, chile”, Mother Abigail would be proud.

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  7. Please tell me you have weaponary protection (mainly throwing stars, a set of forever sharp steak knifes or a mallet). Or a couple of savage dogs? I worry about my friends when the lights go out.

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  8. Dicombobulated. Good word.

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  9. It rarely gets hot enough here to have electricity issues, but the last time it happened, my MIL came over and used our shot glasses as makeshift candle holders. We never did get the wax out. I am still annoyed because I’d rather do shots in the dark, but I’m sure she thought she was helping.

    Moral of the story: keep your shot glasses locked up when the power goes out.

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  10. While doing so, they will use the word “nigga” so often I believe they now owe Katt Williams some royalties.
    That’s Hilarious!!

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