As promised, I will soon relate Part II of “The Legend(s) of Dear Sweet Mama vs. the Snapping Turtle(s),“ but first, an editorial comment from the horse’s
Dear Sweet Mama Comments:
I can’t believe you left out the part where his freakishing strong jaws on his little mean eye head whipped out on a neck that grew 6 feet long and almost made me a peg legged DSM. Or the phone call to the POlice asking for assistance which left them laughing and DSM cussing – often the case.
Yes, it’s true, DSM did in fact at first attempt to “nudge” the turtle with her foot… which he did not appreciate, resulting in a mighty leap backwards into a more turtle-free zone. No, this did not prevent her from bending over to look at the turtle (directly at his “little mean eye head”), which produced very similar results. And yes, I had forgotten we had called the PO-lice, as we say here in Wes’BYGAWD Virginny, but our PO-lice are notoriously unwilling to deal with critter-related emergencies. Which is bad, ’cause we got a lot o’ critters. Although my Poor Ol’ Dad did once have to shoot a rat that had crawled up outta someone’s toilet… ‘nother story for ‘nother time.
Anyhoo, the unwillingness of the police to assist with the previous turtle may have contributed to:
The Legend(s) of Dear Sweet Mama
vs. the Snapping Turtle(s)
Fast forward several years (we’re not counting how many!), Dear Sweet Mama and the Concubine are living in (I think) Maryland, and Grown-up (shut up!) Hoody is safe at home in Snapping Turtle Witness Protection. That’s when the phone rings, and DSM relates the following tale:
It seems she and the Concubine were driving along, and they saw a turtle in the road. Being good folk, they decided they would rescue the turtle and keep it from getting hit by a car. But instead of doing what
normal most people would do, and simply moving the turtle off to one side, the girls (well, mostly the Concubine, to hear DSM tell it) decided they needed to take him to some water.
SO THEY PICKED HIM UP AND PUT HIM IN THEIR CAR.
Now, DSM would have you believe this is where she showed her intelligence and experience with turtles: Being that she knew he was a SNAPPING turtle, she did not want him freely roaming the car (station wagon = no trunk for turtle transportation). So she put him in a box.
A CARDBOARD box.
After the previous turtle (Turtle I) had demonstrated that this particular brand of turtle could bite through WOOD, DSM thought this turtle (Turtle II) would be contained by a flimsy cardboard box.
The drive ensued.
Shortly, DSM heard what she described as “ominous” noises from the cargo area (remember, STATION WAGON, no barrier between the
dumbasses girls and their increasingly-irate and unwilling passenger). I can only assume “ominous” is a synonym for “chewy and bitey”… soon to be followed by “thumpy and crawly.”
Yes, they did somehow manage to get Turtle II to a nearby lake, I think by backing up to the water and shoving at him until he crawled out. But for the duration of the drive, DSM and the Concubine were driving through town with an angry, unconfined snapping turtle in the car.
I sincerely hope THIS TIME they’ve learned their lesson… but I doubt it.