Problem Solved

I am all crippled-up from my fit of house-cleaning yesterday (yeah, I let it get AWFUL and then basically murder myself in a big long marathon of cleaning — I feel better when I can see results, I guess!).  So anyhoo, I was commenting to Chuckweasel that I was glad my therapy appointment is on Thursday instead of Tuesday this week, since I don’t think I’d be able to hobble my busted ass around downtown.  Then it hit me:



I said to CW, “If I had to go today, I’d have to pay a hobo to roll me around in his cart.”  Then we fell to discussing how that’s probably okay, since hobos need money for booze and…. well, booze.  So, the benefits of my plan are as follows:

  • By paying a hobo $5 to push me around in a cart, I am providing gainful employment for hobos — job creation, bitches!
  • This of course will stimulate spending, especially in the Mad Dog and Baked Beans sectors
  • It will also keep hobos outta trouble, thereby freeing up police resources previously dedicated to breaking up Hobo Fights
  • If the hobos DO fight, they will be in better shape from pushing me around in the cart and will therefore be less likely to be injured
  • And best of all — IT’S GREEN.  A hobo pushing me in a shopping cart produces MUCH less greenhouse gas than a car… mostly the only gas is bean-related

I’m awaiting my call from the Democratic National Committee.  Hoody Hoo in 2012!



Filed under Chuckweasel, GENIUS!, I Rule You, La Vida Loca, SCIENCE!

25 responses to “Problem Solved

  1. Hahah I’ve seen places where people push you in this little cart like thing on the boardwalk, if you don’t feel like walking. It seems a bit much to me, but I bet they get a lot of business…


    • I know some places still have little rickshaw dudes available to drag your worthless, lazy ass around, but that just feels somehow wrong to me! Plus, it’s probably much more expensive than a hobo!


  2. Dear Sweet Mama

    Add that to your plan to hire ho’s to clean your house and the economy is saved! I can’t believe the Prez hasn’t called you yet!!


  3. I had no idea that you were such a responsible, civic minded person. Just don’t let Al Gore try to claim ownership of your idea.


  4. Finally! A campaign I can get behind.

    I even have your campaign slogan:

    Hoo for Hobo Haulers!!


  5. OMG – too fricking funny!! Hobo’s hauling and Ho’s Cleaning. Maybe I can get the tweakers to wash my windows since they are always jumping around.


  6. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd

    Brilliant! That’ll make you one of those Job Creators I hear so much about.


  7. jen

    I’d vote for you, and I’m a goddamned soulless Republican!


  8. Green, huh? I think you might really have a chance. Especially with the hipsters.


  9. Darnit! I have to call the transitional center and tell them to stop rehabilitating our homeless guys right away!


  10. Sounds like a plan. Unfortunately, I live in the suburbs and I’m not sure I can find a hobo with enough stamina to push me to Target and back. Especially with the jumbo pack of toilet paper rolls.


  11. I sometimes shop at a grocery store that has a cart escalator — you push your cart onto the cart escalator, then you get on the people escalator and are reunited on the end. It’s my favorite part of grocery shopping. I bring this up because if you had someone push you around in a cart, you’d get to ride the cart escalator, which would be awesome.


  12. Pingback: Problem Solved Part II | hoodyhoo

  13. Good luck with that. All the hobos of my acquaintance aren’t much interested in gainful employment or are too crazy to be trusted not to push you in front of an oncoming bus. Maybe you could stimulate the economy with hobo rehabilitation programs first? After all, the cutbacks to those kind of supports is how most of those guys ended up hobos in the first place.


  14. Jo

    You are a GENIUS! I am so in awe of you.


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