The Plot Thickens

As we all know, Chuckweasel is constantly attempting to get me murdered (raccoons and hobos and zombies, oh my!), but that hasn’t worked, so now he has turned his attention to getting me arrested or perhaps just Tazed.  Allow me to illustrate:

Scene:  The Drive-Up Book Drop-Off and Pickup area behind the Creepy-Ass Library

Hoody is standing at the window, returning her old books and picking up the next batch, when she realizes she has an overdue fee.

Hoody Hoo:  Crap, my purse is in the car… Lemme get his attention.

Waving motions toward the car a few feet away ensue, but Chuckweasel is texting and therefore paying no attention.  Finally, he looks up and pulls forward.

HH:  Gimme a dime, I have to pay my fee.

CW (handing over the dime):  If you don’t pay it, are they gonna put you on “Fugitive Files?”

HH:  Yeah, I’mma be on “COPS” and the Library Police are gonna go all SWAT team and kick my door down.

That’s when our heroine looks to her right…

AND SEES A

MOTHERFUCKING

DEPUTY.

Yes, Hooligans, the Library Police are REAL.  We are ALL so fucked.

P.S.  And I know you saw that goddamn deputy, Chuckweasel, and you were trying to get me in trouble for mocking the Library Police!

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17 Comments

Filed under Chuckweasel, Just Call Me Beavis, La Vida Loca, WTF???

17 responses to “The Plot Thickens

  1. Watch out or he’ll take you to Library Jail, where you will be brutally shooshed throughout the day.

    Like

  2. If you get arrested for a 10 cent library fine, give me a call, I’ll totally bail you out. Or call someone about it or something…

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  3. You know what would have been awesome? If you had started singing “I Shot the Sheriff” with extra emphasis or volume (or both) on “but I did not shoot the deputy!”

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  4. It’s probably bad that I read this story and my first thought was, “You have a ten cent library fine? DAY-UM.” Ours start at 25 cents and go up from there.

    Also, I’m pretty sure the “creepy-ass” library thing and the deputy go hand in hand. There are always a lot of cop cars around my library too. Maybe they need stuff to read on stakeout; I hear stakeouts are really boring.

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  5. I have a $3 fee because I had to charge my new card to my account. A year ago. I probably have a poster at libraries everywhere.

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  6. You so know he saw that cop and set you up for it. He’s evil like that.

    The good news is that since it’s a library cop, the bail would probably only be a quarter!

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  7. Library fines…they are why I have to move to a new town three times a year….

    Like

  8. Pingback: Dear Sweet Mama Gets All Motherf*cker | hoodyhoo

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