As we all know, Chuckweasel is constantly attempting to get me murdered (raccoons and hobos and zombies, oh my!), but that hasn’t worked, so now he has turned his attention to getting me arrested or perhaps just Tazed. Allow me to illustrate:
Scene: The Drive-Up Book Drop-Off and Pickup area behind the Creepy-Ass Library
Hoody is standing at the window, returning her old books and picking up the next batch, when she realizes she has an overdue fee.
Hoody Hoo: Crap, my purse is in the car… Lemme get his attention.
Waving motions toward the car a few feet away ensue, but Chuckweasel is texting and therefore paying no attention. Finally, he looks up and pulls forward.
HH: Gimme a dime, I have to pay my fee.
CW (handing over the dime): If you don’t pay it, are they gonna put you on “Fugitive Files?”
HH: Yeah, I’mma be on “COPS” and the Library Police are gonna go all SWAT team and kick my door down.
That’s when our heroine looks to her right…
AND SEES A
Yes, Hooligans, the Library Police are REAL. We are ALL so fucked.
P.S. And I know you saw that goddamn deputy, Chuckweasel, and you were trying to get me in trouble for mocking the Library Police!