Could You BE Any Wrongerer?

Dear sweet baby Jeebus, the stupid is running THICK this week!  But at least now it’s catching on Dear Sweet Mama instead of me… and it’s yet another dose of the White Man’s Medicine.

DSM goes to one of her many doctors (I think the kidney one, which makes this EVEN MORE disturbing) and he tells her her kidneys are overworked because of all the protein shakes she drinks (insert “That’s what she said!” as needed).

DSM does not drink protein shakes.  In fact, I’m not sure she’s ever been near one.  In further fact, even I am more likely to ingest something so healthful-esque! And we all know what I eat.

But when she tells the doc this, he says, “Oh, then just stop eating so many protein bars.”

Ummm… Doc?  That’s not happening either, unless you mean the ones that come in the wrapper marked “Snickers.”

So all we can assume is that DSM is somehow consuming these products without her own knowledge.  And she does take that Ambien, which they say makes you do things, so maybe instead of sleep-driving or sleep-eating, she’s sleep-training-for-a-marathon?  Of course, now she’s worried that she has a sleep-training-TEAM that’s gonna be pissed when she doesn’t show up for the marathon she doesn’t know she’s in.

See where I get it?

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14 Comments

Filed under Adventures with Dear Sweet Mama, I'm Confused, La Vida Loca, White Man's Medicine, WTF???

14 responses to “Could You BE Any Wrongerer?

  1. How odd! A medical mystery, I guess…

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  2. You can’t be serious. I think I’d be checking his diploma for some fine print. And looking for another kidney doc.

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  3. Maybe he’s a black market kidney harvester…getting people’s healthy organs while claiming that they are in dire need of removal…

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  4. I can’t believe DSM didn’t reply, “You are confusing me with someone who would eat that shit on purpose.”

    OK, so, true story: I had a kidney stone when I was 12. They said I had too much protein in my diet, which is funny because I was practically a vegetarian at the time (although I WAS in track at the time, so I always just assumed that RUNNING gives you kidney stones).

    They told me to eat more bananas and I was fine.

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  5. It’s probably all that damn peanut butter she consumes!! Tell her to lay off the PB&Js and she will be just fine. Or the omeletes.

    Yeah, I believe a new doc is necessary. What a dumb ass!

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  6. That was the most convoluted way I’ve ever seen to ask, “Did you know your protein levels are elevated? Any idea why?”

    What is it with doctors who refuse to ask questions? Are we living in an era where protein overdose is common? Next thing you know, it’ll be a twelve-step program.

    “Hi, my name is DSM and I regularly abuse protein.”

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