So, Dear Sweet Mama and Chuckweasel both have a somewhat “creative” approach to bills… in that they pay the bills when the bills are due, whether they have money in their account or not. I prefer to wait to pay the bills until I actually HAVE money, even though that means some bills will be paid “never.”
But I digress. The Weasel had gotten himself in a pickle by paying his electric bill with the money that needed to stay in his account to cover his rent check… so being the Most Amazing Woman in the World, I offered to put my check into his account just in case it hit before he gets paid on Friday. At that point he would give me back MY money, so Bob’s your uncle.
So I thought.
Then this happened. Things said only in my head are in italics.
Bank Teller: Are you on this account?
Hoody Hoo: No, it’s his account (and I had HIS drivers’ license and account number, as well as my own drivers’ license and a legitimate PAYROLL check made out to me).
BT: You can’t put your check in his account.
HH: Uh, okay, just send it back then (what the hell?).
BT: You could take it to the bank it came from and cash it and put the cash in his account…
HH: Oooookaaaay… (so… confused…)
BT: Or I could cash it and put the cash in his account, but there’s a fee.
HH: (do what now?) Yeah, just do that then.
There followed an interminable (we’re talking upwards of 10 minutes in the motherfucking DRIVE THRU) wait while the teller conducted some arcane banking ceremony to mysteriously transform my evil check into acceptable money. Then when I got home, I texted the Weasel to let him know how it all went down… and to tell him I must look like a terrorist or a drug dealer ’cause his bank thinks I’m trying to launder money.
Once he gets off work, he calls me back with a very salient point: If that whole rigamarole about not letting me put a CHECK in his account is really supposed to stop nefarious banking by unsavory folk, why would they then accept CASH? It’s still not my account, and I’m fairly sure terrorists and/or drug dealers don’t generally have printed payroll checks… I’m given to understand it’s a fairly cash-based economy. So I can basically show up with a bucket of cash money to put in someone else’s account… untraceable, likely cocaine-infused cash… but NOT an easily-traced business CHECK? I’m fairly sure that defeats the purpose of all this trying-to-prevent-crime-stuff.
So, I want to let all banks everywhere know: If I ever have an account with you, and someone else wants to put their money in it, THAT’S FINE. I don’t care where it came from, just take it. This also goes for bills — a similar thing happened to me with the electric company once before, and I’m telling you, Hitler can pay my phone bill if he wants — I TRULY DO NOT CARE WHERE THE MONEY COMES FROM. I just wantses it.