After another round of pancreagoraphobia (the fear of taking my pancreas out in public), I have returned (and BTW, I would never abandon the blog for teh Twitter, it’s just too hard to write my ass-long posts on my phone!). So all I’ve been hearing on the news is this damn birth control thing… and Imma gonna weigh in.
Honestly? I don’t give a hot steaming crap what any man thinks about contraceptives or abortion. As I mentioned on Twitter, “No Vag, No Vote.” And that includes the President, the Pope, and even my own dear Chuckweasel. I’ll listen to their opinions the day they get knocked up.
But wait, there’s more! I not only want health insurance to pay for the Pill, I’ve worked out a few extra deductions we need to get into the tax code. We’ll call these “Lady Money” on your Form 1040.
First and foremost, any and all money spent on birth control and/or abortion should be 100-percent deductible. After all, 18 years worth of deuctions for a kid would cost Uncle Sam MORE money, so we’re basically saving the government some cash. Also, think of the welfare/healthcare/whatnot dollars that go toward many pregnancies that weren’t “planned” — I rest my case.
(and no telling me men buy condoms, too — we all know no woman with half a brain would trust you to do that on your own!)
Secondly, every woman of childbearing age gets a deduction for 12 packs of Tampax or Kotex or whatever per year. (After menopause, this deduction can be used for hormones or bail money.) Men NEVER have to worry about pads and such, so this is an unfair expense on only ONE gender.
You know what else men don’t buy? Bras and pantyhose and makeup (Drag Queens, please attach Form RuPaul). So we will need a Lady Money deduction for that. In fact, men spend a lot less on clothing, shoes, etc., so we’re gonna need to work out some kind of clothing allowance. And rebates for haircuts.
Other deductions pending include, but are not limited to:
A. One (1) new purse each season, reimbursed up to a certain dollar amount. Same for shoes.
B. Two (2) “special occasions” dresses per year (all accessories included), reimbursed up to 50 percent of a predetermined limit.
C. Chocolate and wine allowance.
Oh, and cats totally count as dependents.