WTF??? Megan Fox???

So, where were we?  Ah, yes.  The jury has spoken, and the majority seems to believe it is okay to crush on characters in movies/shows/etc. because they do not, in fact, exist.  It is less than okay to crush on actors, because they are actual real people who do, in fact, exist.

Ahem.  Time for a countersuit.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury:  I present:  MEGAN FOX.

Just about every man I have ever met (including YOU, Chuckweasel!) seems to think this chickie is hot.  I say again:  She HERSELF is apparently hot, no matter what role she is destroying playing.  This is in direct violation of the No-Crushing-on-Real-People Statute of 2012!

Also, she is a mutant with a toe for a thumb and is no longer biodegradable in any way.

But I admit, I myself would totally nail Patrick Stewart, William Shatner, and/or Seth McFarlane.  The first 2 because it’s my civic duty to bang distinguished starship captains (I said DISTINGUISHED.  Back it up, Janeway!) and the last because I feel we all oughta throw the man a bone (see what I did there?) for being so damn funny.

And just FYI:  President Clinton’s obligatory-BJ from-every-American-citizen time is rapidly running out.  You can’t ride that shit forever, Billy.  Ask Jimmy Carter.

Happy Valentine’s Day, all my loves!  Stay out of garages and away from the Mafia!



Filed under At the Movies, C'est Vrai You Suck, Chuckweasel, I'm Confused, Twu Wuuv, WTF???, Youse Guys

29 responses to “WTF??? Megan Fox???

  1. Hmmm…Megan Fox is a tough one, cuz you really can’t like any character she plays. They’re all so awful.


  2. Yeah, I really don’t get Megan Fox. And it’s not that I don’t find women attractive, it’s just that I don’t understand her attractiveness. She is just so . . . there. I just don’t get it. But men apparently find her stunning. Maybe because she is just so vapid? I don’t know.

    But yeah, he is definitely in violation of Rule 6B subsection 102 of the Code. No lusting after real life celebrities, especially around your significant other. Do you want to file a grievance? Because I can process that for you if you’d like.


  3. I’ll be happy to take care of Captain Janeway for you. And you’re welcome to throw in Seven of Nine, if you wish, as well.


  4. If Megan Fox said anything intelligent that wasn’t scripted for her, I might reconsider her being anything besides a mutant who was crafted in a lab. Even her saying intelligent scripted material doesn’t work for her, as her acting skills suck. Not saying she isn’t a pretty girl, she’s just dumb as a box of rocks. Need proof? Brian Austin Green.


  5. Did you see Cowboys vs. Aliens? The movie was awesome. But something seemed really weird about it, and then I realized Megan Fox was wearing clothes.


  6. I think the corollary that most of these men are referring to is the “Ease of Access Rule.” Basically, it’s ok to crush on actors/actresses as long as a) there is NO chance in hell you will actually meet that person — and/or b) NO chance in hell that person would look at you with anything other than disdain on the occasion of a real life meeting. So the Hubs crushing on Halle Berry is perfectly fine due to both subsections a and b of the EOA Rule. Got it?

    What I find confusing is that women tend to develop crushes on men who do things. Look at the number of women who have inexplicable crushes on Mike Rowe of “Dirty Jobs.” I’m sorry, I’m germ-phobic. I DON’T GET IT. But Rowe is capable, and that seems to be the key difference between men and women. What is Megan Fox capable of, other than giving herself an aneurysm if she thinks too hard? Why do men have crushes on actresses with fewer useful attributes than a paper plate? It baffles me.


  7. I’d totally do Patrick Stewart and Seth MacFarlane, but I wouldn’t touch Shatner even back in his prime. Too afraid of catching crazy cooties.

    I just asked the opinion of the men in the car with me (ages 13, 15, almost 50). The youngsters say she’s smoking hot but not a good actress and looks too made up. They prefer Emma Watson, as does my husband, who says Ms. Fox is only “fairly attractive.”


  8. Not all men find Fox attractive. I am one that does not and never have. I know a few other men that have said the same.


  9. I’ve never seen anything with Megan Fox in it. I feel like I was raised by wolves.


  10. I love that she’s no longer biodegradable. AWESOME.
    D loves Zooey Deschblahblah. i did too until I saw her as the leading lady in something. She can’t lead, she’s funny but she’s just a supporting actress for sure.


  11. I think it’s because she looks a little dead behind the eyes. I find that men tend to like that in their dolls, I mean women.


  12. Jen

    Megan Fox needs to be bludgeoned with a bag of dildos.


  13. People always talk about her, and i thknk I know who she is, but I wouldn’t really recognize her. I’m out of the loop.


  14. She looks surprisingly normal without all the make-up.

    Although still insanely skinny and rich and all that.

    *shoves another cinnamon bun down her throat*


  15. I’m a man and I don’t even find her mildly attractive. Just something about her disgusts me, not sure what it is.


  16. Jo

    Hoody…..are you alive? Please be alive.

    Hope you’re well!


  17. Crazy Semi-Old Redhead

    Yes, we worry when we go 8 days with no word. It’s only because we care.


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