Dr. Phil I Ain’t

I just noticed we’re running this PSA on our talk stations, I dunno from who, I didn’t listen that close, but it’s probably the Catholics or the Mormons, it sounds like their style.  So anyhoo, all it is is the so-called “interviewer” guy asking people “What have you done for your marriage today?”  I know, yark.

The funny part is, the people who sound youngish, like in their 20’s and 30’s, all say sappy crap like “I wrote my husband a love email,” or “We’re going to the zoo as a family.”  But the people who sound older, like 60’s or 70’s and been married for a coon’s age — they’re all like “I didn’t yell at him today,” and “I didn’t bring up anything controversial.”

So the message I’m getting is:  If you want a successful. long-lasting relationship — SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Take Chuckweasel and me, for example.  We’ve been together coming up on 5 years this summer, and by now, let’s face it, we’ve both heard all of each other’s stories.  So if we’re going to chit chat, it needs to be something CURRENT — like a funny joke one of us heard or what’s going on on “Jersey Shore.”  Important stuff like that.

We also both know what’s gonna piss the other one off.  So the only reason to bring that stuff up is if you WANT to start a fight.  Which, admittedly, sometimes I do, but that’s my character flaw to deal with!  It’s like talking to Poor Ol’ Dad about God or President Obama — YOU JUST DON’T DO IT.

What I wanna know is, do the people who made this commercial KNOW what they’re saying?  ‘Cause it’s funny if they DON’T, but somehow even funnier if they DO.

“Shut the fuck up, Margaret.  This message brought to you by the Pope.”

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27 Comments

Filed under Chuckweasel, I'm Confused, Jesus and Pals, Random Thoughts, Twu Wuuv, Uncategorized

27 responses to “Dr. Phil I Ain’t

  1. Hahha I wish I heard that one!

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  2. Dear Sweet Mama

    This message brought to you from the Pope – HAHAHAHAHA!!!

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  3. Yeah, the hubs and I have been together going on 15 years now, and although we are a 30-something couple (well, one of us is . . . the hubs is an old man!), we survive on a daily dose of not talking to each other unless it’s about the kids or some appointment/event coming up. That serves us well. Ahhh, l’amore!!

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    • If we’re not talking about “Hoarders” or sharing our mutual hatred of a certain quarterback (whose name rhymes with Bim Bebow), neither one of us is really listening to the other, so why waste your breath?

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  4. I think that’s a life lesson that should be branded on our souls: “When in doubt, shut the fuck up.” The world will thank you for it.

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    • Crap, there’s a quote — I wanna say Mark Twain? along the lines of “You may keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool, or open it and remove all doubt.” Love that!

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  5. I agree with bluzdude

    We even have codewords for stfu. Mine is “ba ba ba” and a finger wave and the hubs says “da da da” and shakes his head.

    These might seem like romantic babytalk phrases to some

    But really they are code for motherfucker shut the fuck up now or I will kill you, sweetheart

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  6. Ha, our marriage survives by arguing. I tried the “shut the fuck up” method but it just made me angrier (and reduced our communication to monosyllables). Every time I get mad enough to argue with the Hubs, he’s reminded that I care and delighted that I still want him around.

    At least, that’s what he says. I do think your version of the commercial would be funnier, especially if it’s the Mormons. “This message brought to you by the prophet Moroni.”

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  7. I see one of your tags is Twu Wuuv, and that made me realize, Westley has it right the whole time, saying nothing at all if it isn’t “As you wish.” Smart guy. (Also, he’s fat now. Sad.)

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  8. The Boy and I have been together for three years but we were best friends for about six years before that. We have no stories left. Luckily we are pretty familiar with each other’s views and really don’t care if we don’t agree with each other, so politics is on the table for discussion. We’ve never had a fight – which sound horribly unhealthy until you look at us and realize we’re just too mellow to care about ANYthing enough to yell. So much work to yell.

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    • I come from a family that yells — Chuckweasel does not. We had several major misunderstandings early on because he thought me hollering at him meant we were actually FIGHTING…

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  9. Mine would be something like “I bought him a candy bar at the grocery store, so he let me watch a 30 Rock episode for the 40th time.” Bribery!

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  10. I sit by a woman who’s husband calls her as soon as he awakens and as soon as he gets to work, as soon as he gets home, etc. I’m sorry, if you don’t make it home, I know a nice paramedic will call me, so if I get no call, I know you are safe. Let’s keep some mystery about our love. I don’t need to know what you had for lunch everyday unless it pertains to not orsdering it at dinner. It’s worked well for 7 years- don’t ruin it now with your every work detail shared- unless it’s really gossipy stuff about one of the doctors we work with, then oh, yes, fill me in.

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    • Having dated people I work with before (which used to include CW), I gotta say — the mystery is very important! You can’t be all like, “I heard the funniest joke today” when your partner’s like “Yeah, I told it to you. Dumbass.”

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  11. Jo

    I never really thought about that before, but I think you’re onto something! I’d tweak it with “Shaddup Go away.”, but that’s just me.

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  12. I’m so cynical. Every time I hear some “words of wisdom” on marriage, like that PSA, I immediately wonder how many times THAT person has been married. Or for how long.

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  13. Pingback: Back to the Drawing Board, Etc. | hoodyhoo

  14. I love the fundie christian church advertising on the hard rock station right after slip knot was played. Awesome.

    The PSA’s in my youth were.. “It’s 10o’clock. Do you know where your children are?”

    Yeah…. out having sex with their boyfriend before curfew.

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