Sometimes I wonder why I’m like this… then I remember the children’s books I grew up reading…
In the Night Kitchen
Dude, saw that kid’s penis. ‘Nuff said.
Oh, and also?
Where the Wild Things Are
What do you do with the book that gave MY en-tire generation the screaming nightmares? Oh, yeah, let’s make it into a MOVIE to fuck up the next batch!
The Secret of NIMH
Messages: 1) Your government is EVIL. Sleep tight.
2) Rats and mice and everything else have their own lives and personalities… AND THEY HATE YOU.
Then you had to go and make the movie version with the distressingly uber-hot Justin Rat… way to fuck up my nascent sexuality!
And while we’re on movies… “Dot and the Kangaroo.” SERIOUSLY? I remember the Bunyip, the Bunyip, and nothing but the Bunyip. I’m 35 years old, and if you sing the Bunyip song, I will lose my shit and hide under the bed. Plus, I’m now freaked out by cave paintings. Thanks, Australia!
‘Nother movie, “The Last Unicorn.” “Mama, what’s suicide?” “It’s what you feel like committing after watching that movie, sweetie.”
And here’s a tip — ANY. TOLKIEN. EVER. is far too advanced for little kiddies, so WHY did you make a CARTOON? (look it up, children). That they showed us in GRADE SCHOOL? Yeah, that’s a fabulous idea… and the reason you can make me pee my pants by saying “My PRECIOUSSSSSSS.”
That’s not even addressing the fact that my DAYCARE CENTER showed us “Creepshow” (yeah, still don’t swim in lakes with those wooden docks in ’em). COME ON!
I’m sure I’m forgetting something… what scared/scarred you?