You Feelin’ Froggy?

Attention, Internal Organs;

It has come to my attention that you little slimy bastards have decided to start acting up.  My pancreas, Chuckweasel’s lungs (he’s wheezy, not Weezie, which would be awkward for poor dead Sherman Helmsley, or even Young Jeezy, which would be awkward for everyone), and as always, Dear Sweet Mama’s heart.  Now The Concubine, Holly, and Jen seem to be suffering from their own insurrections, and let me tell you:

HOODY

DON’T

PLAY

DAT

Lemme break it down for ya — if you kill US, where exactly do you think you’re gonna go?  I don’t know about everybody else, but I know I’M not even an organ donor, so it ain’t like you can roll the dice for a better body — I’m all you got.  And I know we both watched waaaaay too much Deep Space Nine, but you do know that was a SHOW, right?  This is not some kind of Curzan Dax/Jadzia Dax situation here — there is no planet breeding fine-ass bitches for you to live in if you kill me!  Again, I’M ALL YOU GOT.

For instance, pancreas?  I know you’ve been being relatively good lately and letting me eat… I dunno… FOOD every once in awhile… but you and I BOTH know you got a little uppity when I had the cough last week.  THAT DOESN’T CONCERN YOU, PANCREAS!

So, to sum up — you are not a symbiont, you’re a parasite.  For the most part, we can either live without you or replace you AND WE’D STILL BE HERE.  You, however, would be New Jersey landfill in a New York minute.

Kisses,

HH

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22 Comments

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22 responses to “You Feelin’ Froggy?

  1. You better receive an apology letter from your nosy pancreas after these shenanigans!

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  2. awww, hope you’re feeling better soon

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  3. Sounds like your pancreas is destined for a life of… “Organ-ized Crime.”

    Yes, I went there.

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  4. Shit, your pancreas is due for a SMACK down if he starts acting up again (why do I assume the pancreas is male?) For real. None of that “time out in the corner” bullshit. You tell that pancreas (and ALL your organs for that matter), that unless they want an ass whoopin’, they better start behaving (I don’t know what the ass of a pancreas is, but that does not invalidate my threat).

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  5. Jo

    Yeah, what Hoody said! Organs are stoopit!

    Wait…is the brain an organ? Nah, can’t be, right? Right?!?

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  6. I’ve got some ornery organs myself. However, my means of dealing with them is to say, “See this, bitches?” as I throw back something bad for me. Um. You may not want to use my methods, they have drawbacks.

    Now I’m kind of disappointed this isn’t Deep Space Nine, as I would totally rock the dude body.

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  7. Dear Sweet Mama

    OK – definitely me and the “Weez” can’t make it without our recalcitrant organs. Just sayin. And “the sugar” is your future without the pank, as we affectionately call it in organ donation – and that ain’t sweet sugar like Peaches gives Herb(s). The Concubine – she’s already living without some of hers and I am just not sure that she could do without the one acting up as well – though if it continues, I think she could put a zipper in it and use it to carry contraband. Could come in handy if job prospects don’t improve.

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  8. Dear Hoody’s Pancreas,

    Please take Hoody’s threats seriously. We ignored similar warnings and wound up in a landfill long ago. Trust us — you don’t want to share our fate.

    Sincerely,

    Laura’s Tonsils

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  9. Love it!
    and yes I don’t need my spleen, I only keep it as a lifetime of antibiotics sounds no fun and I hate taking pills.
    My blood count is up (yay) by .4 in 4 weeks…only 3.3 to go at this rate it’ll be…ummm…someone else can do the maths for me…I’m sick 😦

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  10. Jen

    My liver is continuing to be a little bitch, despite my vegan, douchebag diet. If things don’t improve, they say I may need a transplant. WTF!?!?

    Like

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