“C” Is for Cookie

Laws, yes, I was so caught up in ChristmaHannuKwanzaa I completely forgot to tell y’all about the latest Adventure in DJing:

We did a Sweet 16 on Friday, the idea of which initially makes me cringe — Miley Cyrus and no booze, PARTY FAIL.  But these kids were fucking cool — they danced every dance, sang along and even did the gawddamn Macarena (by REQUEST, no less!), which I have never before seen done by sober people.  Plus, these were my “peeps,” as Chuckweasel called them — gotta love the band geeks!

The weird part was the food.

It was, after all, a birthday party, so they had one of those “cakes” made out of cupcakes on a tier thing.  Great, love it, plus it eliminates the need to give the snowflakes knives.

They also had cookies… I guess it’s Christmas Eve-Eve, motherfuckers be bakin’, yo.

They also had fudge and other assorted candy.

To be fair, they did have pretzels… They were chocolate-covered, but still probably the healthiest food available!  Canna sistah get a chicken wing?

Seriously, y’all know I try damn hard to avoid breeding, but if I ever DO, and y’all invite my kid to your kid’s party (during prime dinner-eating hours, I might add) and then feed it a menu comprised solely of SUGAR… do not expect me to come get that kid at 10 o’clock.  S/he’s YOUR kid ’til the shakes wear off, bitches!

But at least I got to feel virtuous about eating chocolate-covered pretzels.

Plus, I coined a new phrase — upon seeing there were no little meatballs or franks-in-blankets or NOTHING good to eat, I said, “This ain’t worth wasting my pig enzymes on.”  ‘Cause that’s how Hoody rolls (mmm, rolls…).



Filed under Chuckweasel, He's the DJ I'm the Rapper, I'm Confused, La Vida Loca, Only in Wes' BYGAWD Virginny, WTF???

26 responses to ““C” Is for Cookie

  1. Oh, I’m sure there was alcohol…you just had to go to the parking lot to partake.

    Trust me. I was 16 once….


    • I told CW the parents who were there were having WAAAAY too much fun to be sober… we tried all night to find out where they hid the booze! As for the kids, I would have thought/done the same thing… but none of them ever left the room!


  2. 16 year olds know the Macarena? Did you have to teach them?


  3. LOL at Ach du Lieber!!



  4. Not even hot dogs? Dude.

    We drink beer for dinner on Wednesday nights and, in a past job, I wouldn’t eat breakfast on Thursday morning because we had a business reception at 10 a.m. Your blog has given me flashbacks to how I’d feel by noon on Thursday if the reception served cookies or cupcakes instead of real food. Sugar and caffeine with nothing solid…I’m getting the shakes just thinking about it.


    • I have totally ruined Chuckweasel by turning him into a Southern hostess — he kept saying stuff like, “How long does it take to run down to Kroger for one of those cheese and sausage trays?” and, “Don’t these people own a Crock-Pot?”


  5. “Pig enzymes.” You’ve certainly coined a new phrase, because I’m going to use this at first chance and often thereafter.


  6. Holy Carp, my hypoglycemic self would have been acutely nauseous, even as a teenager. For realz — no veggie dip, no chips, nothing? That’s just blasphemy. I’m catering NYE and I’m thinking savory appetizers all the way — weenies in a crockpot, people. That’s where it’s at!

    Also, I had no idea they give you pig enzymes. Learn something new every day.


  7. Jen

    Meh, if they’re anything like the 16 year old girls I went to high school they’re just going to barf it all up anyway.

    My pig enzymes have been dormant for so long they’ve lost thir will to oink. . .sigh. . .


  8. Aren’t they obligated to feed you? Like, real food? Well, from now on, I think you need to bring a bag of goldfish in your purse. Just in case all they have is cupcakes. Like an emergency stash.

    Ah, the macerana! Such fond memories…..of 1996!


  9. Mmm, rolls. My family is Frisian, and one of the few words worth knowing in Frisian is “boelstje” meaning roll. (That’s pronounced bowl-cha.) Now you can’t say you didn’t learn anything useless today. 🙂


  10. Jo

    That spread sounds an awful lot like what was on the table at my mother’s at Christmas. One little veggie tray and fifty bazillion sweets….any other year I woulda been in heaven.
    You roll on with your pig enzymes, girl!


  11. That is a crap ton of sugar. Dunno if I think that’s delicious or disgusting.


  12. Mmm…pig enzymes! Sorry, when I have the sugar shakes I’m harder to understand. I mean to say mmm…Hoody rolls.


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