Christmas Lessons 2011

It’s that time of year again, Hooligans!  Here’s what we’ve learned this jolly holiday season:

1.  Eggies suck.  One or 2 of them are GURAN-DAMN-TEED to open up in the pot, resulting in a kitchen that smells like hot ass and feet.  The remaining ones will produce horribly-mutated nuclear holocaust eggs that even a cat won’t eat.

2.  Once you’ve boiled eggs the old-fashioned way, if you discover you are mysteriously out of paprika (how does that happen?  Where did it go?), you can substitute hot red pepper to make the eggs look pretty.  GO EASY.  Not everyone’s gums are made of asbestos.

3.  Calpurnia Jean is a medium-sized cat with a large-sized behind and a small-sized meow (almost a “meh”).  I now know this is the only word she knows, and it is Cat for “ham.”  CJ will start saying this the instant she sees the ham and will not stop until you stuff her mouth with… well, ham.

4.  Yes, she gave herself Hamnesia again.

5.  Ti-Jacques loves the ham like he loves all people-food, Marceau is undecided as to whether he wants to EAT it but he does know he doesn’t want anyone else to HAVE it, and Mina… is an alien.  I thought she had proved she was my actual daughter by behaving like a wayward teen, but THAT CAT WILL NOT EAT HAM.  This proves that she’s adopted, because both her Mommies are ham-ficionados.

Hope you all had a Merry Merry — more later!

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25 Comments

Filed under Calpurnia Jean, I'm Confused, Kittehs!, WTF???

25 responses to “Christmas Lessons 2011

  1. I’ve never tried to get my cats to eat eggs or ham. Maybe I should make them ham and eggs for breakfast. Or green eggs and ham.

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    • With the eggs, it was the horrified look on Ti-Jacques’ face when he smelled them, then jerked away like he’d gotten an electric shock. And with ham, 3 out of 4 of the Horde require no “trying” to get them to consume mass quantities!

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  2. I was on a mad search for paprika on Xmas eve as well! I was also all “how does one run out of paprika?”. Then, after searching for like forever, I found a huge jar that I apparently got at Costco at some point. Woo-Hoo! I will have that jar until my grandkids die!

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    • I could have sworn I still had paprika from the LAST time I made deviled eggs… what an odd thing for a thief to steal!

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      • Dear Sweet Mama

        I was that thief. That paprika was from when I was the cook in the house – in fact, I wondered if perhaps the age of your spices had something to do with your pancreas. I replaced some, but obviously not all. Forgot that paprika is a staple in the house of the deviled egg.

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  3. I am very disappointed about the Eggies. But I choose to believe they will work better at altitude. SOMETHING should work better at altitude.

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  4. I am glad to hear that the tasty food apparently did not kill you. Merry Christmas and amen!

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  5. Ahh eggies… they can super tricky SOB’s! The ham sounds wonderful and I am glad you got to enjoy some yummy food! Merry Christmas!

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  6. I saw the Eggies at Target yesterday and considered buying them…glad I didn’t. I don’t really need any more useless kitchen gadgets.

    Crystal will go apeshit (um, catshit?) for tuna, but other than that our girls are pretty well-behaved around food. I once accidentally left a plate of chicken bones and gristle on the bed — temptation galore — and they only pulled one bone off the plate and slurped on it a bit. I have yet to try ham, and by “try” I mean, eat on the bed and watch them beg. We did introduce them to catnip toys on Christmas Eve, which induced temporary insanity with a lot of drooling and rolling around.

    So your pancreas is on the mend, I take it? Hallelujah and pass the liquor!

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    • Pancreas is gettin’ bettah, thanks to my pig enzymes that digest things for me — and I made the mistake of getting the Horde 2 toys that make “real” mouse sounds… they love them, but I will never sleep again!

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  7. whatavieau

    My cat Mushu loves the smell of ham and will harass me until I pony up some of it and then he sniffs and walks away..go figure. My resident pig-cat. Grizzly, is more than happy to eat the remaining pieces so at least it is not wasted!

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  8. My cats LOVE olives. They are always diving in my martinis with their nasty paws that just burried a nasty turd in the litter box. Sonsabitches. I drink it anyway because I figure the alcohol killed the germs. I hope so anyway. HA!

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  9. I am unaware of the Eggie…. I gotta get back in the loop.

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