I’m Pretty F*****g Funny

This will probably be a short post — I stabbed myself in the hand with a ballpoint pen this weekend and I’m pretty sure I’m dying of ink-poisoning (What?  that’s totally real!).  But I did have to share 2 conversations with Chuckweasel that prove… I’m pretty fuckin’ funny, y’all.

First off, we were driving through one of Wes’BYGAWD Virginny’s shittier little towns — you know, they’re so broke-ass they ain’t got a Dollar General, they got a Magic Mart?  And Chuckweasel mentions that he sent a resume to a job in Portsmouth, Ohio.  To which I replied, “I am SO not moving to Portsmouth.  It’s like here, but in OHIO.”  Because Broke-ass-Ville, WBGV is bad ENOUGH, but at least it’s not OHIO.

Then we passed a work crew and Chuckweasel expressed concern that one of the men was smoking near the electrical lines.  And this conversation ensued:

HH:  “So?”

CW:  “What if there’s a spark?”

HH:  “A spark from what?”

CW:  “The ELECTRIC.”

HH:  (incredulously) “… Are you really that stupid?”

(He then admitted he was, in fact, NOT that stupid — he had been trying to get ME all worried about the “spark” because he apparently thinks I am that stupid.  Nice try, Chuckweasel.)

That’s all for now — I have the ink poisoning to think of.

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20 Comments

Filed under Chuckweasel, La Vida Loca, Only in Wes' BYGAWD Virginny, Random Thoughts

20 responses to “I’m Pretty F*****g Funny

  1. Oh gawd, not . . . OHIO!! 🙂

    You 2 should have your own reality show, you know that, right? Comedy gold right there.

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  2. The bad thing about ink poisoning is, even with scientists working around the clock, they will never erase it in our lifetime.

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  3. If that’s your way of starting a tattoo, you’re doing it wrong…

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  4. I’ve totally given myself ink poisoning. It took years to recover (recover = fade from the kick-ass jab mark).

    Since I have spawn, I am continually talking to people like they’re about five. A mentally challenged five. The Hubs has taken to demanding, “Do you think I’m that stupid?” To which I have to admit, I don’t think ANYBODY is that stupid, but saying things like, “If you do that again, your face will freeze that way,” is like making the magic sign to ward off the evil eye. It probably doesn’t work but how bad am I going to feel if I forget to say it and someone gets face freeze? Really fucking bad, that’s how.

    In defense, the Hubs is threatening to buy me a “Captain Obvious” t-shirt. He feels I should come with a warning.

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    • I am also bad to tell people information they don’t really want — stuff I’ve just picked up from watching the Hitler Channel or what have you, that no one really wants/needs to know. But I do RULE at Trivial Pursuit!

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  5. My hometown has no businesses at all except a bar (best fish fry ever, btw). But the next town over just got a Dollar General–we’re moving on up in this world!

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  6. Yeah, you can tell everyone it’s your jailhouse tat, and when they start annoying you, tell them to shut up before you shank their ass.

    As for the electric lines things… maybe you should start pretending NOTHING is flamable, and see if you can freak him out in some way…

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  7. Gin cures ink poisoning. Fact.

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  8. Jo

    *looking guilty and handing over the gin*

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