To My Youngest

Dear Ti-Jacques,

You know you are our little man, and your mommies love you to bits and pieces.  But you may have noticed the knocking-you-down-and-biting-your-head is happening a lot more often lately, and Mama Callie is concerned that her message isn’t quite getting across.

The message is this:  You are a wild rat.

Case in point:  Running about like a crazy thing, chasing your brother and sister until they are freaked out and you are PANTING… probably not the best idea.  Cats are not supposed to pant, and despite all evidence to the contrary, you are indeed a cat.  Also, this is why Marceau makes that noise at you.

And on the subject of Marceau, I know you love him and you want to be just like him, but your brother is… shall we say… more aerodynamic than you are (we’ve previously discussed your fat little ass).  That’s why when HE jumps up onto the curtain rod, he makes it in one jump, whereas YOU have to use the dresser as a ladder and end up knocking shit everywhere.  Nice try, but knocking the jewelry box over made enough noise that I knew what you’d done before stepping out of the bed, so no earrings in the feet for me.

Now, the next time Mama Callie knocks you down and bites your head, remember:  this is why.  Ask yourself:  What could I have done that would NOT have resulted in a bite on the head?  And next time, do that.

Because Mama Callie loves her sleep, and if you keep waking her up, she’s gonna lock you in the bathroom again.

All my love,

Your Mommy



Filed under Calpurnia Jean, Kittehs!, La Vida Loca

27 responses to “To My Youngest

  1. Pictures! Oooh or better yet, video of them being wild. I loves me some playing cats.


    • I’m thinking about getting a camcorder (shit, is that still what they’re called?) in the apres-Christmas sale-a-thons… these freakin’ cats won’t hold still for a regular picture!


  2. NOT getting earrings in your feet first thing in the morning is the first step in a truly successful day. I manage to do this at least four times a week.

    Kitties. Seriously, if they got any bigger, we wouldn’t be able to keep them in the house!



  3. Esme panted once. It was after she got her rabies shot, and we’d just spent an hour at the vet. At least Ti-Jacques was exercising.


  4. Jo

    Squirt bottle. Effective and can be used from a distance. (Is he doing this AFTER he’s been fixed? Whoa, what a little scamp!)


  5. NOOOOO!!! Not the new jewelry box!! Did it escape unscathed?

    At least it’s entertaining watching him get bitten and pant and falling on his fat little ass off of curtain rods, yes?

    I don’t think they call them camcorders anymore. That is soooooo 1998! I think they are called iphones now. 🙂


    • He’s so funny I almost don’t need cable, but then Marceau would be pissed b/c he loves to watch the ticker on ESPN (he chases it). And the jewelry box survived, I just had to put all the crap that I had JUST put in it BACK in it.


  6. From what I hear, there may be a big online audience for videos of goofy cat antics.


  7. I have this image in my head of cats being these sleek, graceful creatures. And then reality intrudes and my Jazz cat knocks a jar of paintbushes on the ground and Blues cat rolls off the sofa when she stretches and Theta… oh, wait. Better not talk about her. She’s sensitive and will get even with me when I sleep.


  8. I am all for you getting a VIDEO RECORDER. They’re pretty darn cheap. I’ll tell you so you don’t make the same mistake I did, though: they require a memory card to work and don’t come with a memory card. Buy them at the same time so you don’t get your recorder home and deal with the buzz kill of not getting to play with it.


    • this reminds me of poor DSM and her digital camera — poor little thing thought she needed to buy a new memory card b/c hers was full… turns out, she’d never deleted any pictures after she downloaded them! She’s so pretty!


  9. You’d think with all that exercise, he wouldn’t have a fat little ass. Huh. He must be on the same diet as me.


  10. Since Monkey has no siblings, I threaten her with Invisible Kitty, who of course is perfectly well-behaved but a good minion for “teaching her a lesson.”
    Unfortunately one of Monkey’s failings is never taking me seriously.


  11. My cats only leap around like crazies when I sew. Something in fabric and paper that excites them? Or just the annoyance that I’m paying attention to anything besides them?

    I feel sorry for Ti-Jacques. I also have a fat ass and am not aerodynamic, so if I was a kitteh I would totally get my head bit. Ow.


  12. Sounds like someone needs a WWMCJD? bracelet.


  13. Ask yourself: What could I have done that would NOT have resulted in a bite on the head? And next time, do that.

    Words to live by, for all of us.


  14. Pingback: That Boy Ain’t Right | hoodyhoo

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