Happy HOlidays!

No, that isn’t a case of stupid-finger-syndrome (SFS) up there… I really do mean to emphasize the “HO’ part.  Here’s why:

One of the clans of Redneck Hillfolk up at Ye Olde Apartment Complex has put a red light bulb in their porch light.  And I think they mean it as a Christmas decoration, but I’m not sure.  Let’s apply some Non-Stick Science, shall we?


1.  There are no OTHER decorations visible.  This would seem to indicate either it’s NOT for Christmas or these particular Hillfolk are unusually lazy.

2.  The porch itself is home to a disproportionately large number of chairs.  Like, I live alone, so I have one chair and a little patio bench on my porch.  This particular batch of Hillfolk (whose apartment is exactly the same size as mine, remember) have at least 7 or 8 of those cheap-ass white plastic chairs.  And no tables.  This leads me to believe the light means what I always THOUGHT red lights meant and they’re using their porch as a waiting room.

(Wait.  Do hookers have waiting rooms?  That’s gotta be uncomfortable.  And sticky.)

3.  Hookers operating out of Ye Olde Apartment Complex wouldn’t even be all that illegal by the current standards of illegal immigrants and drug deals.  In fact, it wouldn’t even be the most illegal thing I’ve seen this WEEK.

So, what do y’all think?  Hookers or lazy trash? Or both, don’t wanna exclude the most likely possibility!



Filed under GENIUS!, I'm Confused, La Vida Loca, Only in Wes' BYGAWD Virginny, SCIENCE!, Ye Olde Apartment Complex

42 responses to “Happy HOlidays!

  1. Red light special, anyone? Have a seat and wait your turn, John!


  2. Jo

    Sounds like a hooker waiting room to me. Hopefully you won’t have to see Santa sitting out there, though. That would be a real drag.


  3. I never would have thought of that! I choose the ho waiting room scenario. What would you label a choade choking chippy of the redneck persuasion? Hillbilly harlot? Cletus concubine?


  4. Hahahaha!! You live in the red light district!!! 🙂

    Well, at least your apartment complex is one stop shopping . . . get your drugs and your hookers all in one spot.

    And yes, hooker waiting room. Maybe it’s a new brothel just opening up, so it’s a waiting area for multiple hos? Does that make it better? No? Ok, then.


  5. If it is a waiting room, and if it were in my hometown, the chairs would not be sticky. They would be frozen.

    Ugh. I just had a mental image of that scene from A Christmas Story where the kid licks the pole. I need to go bleach my brain now. I’m sorry to have inflicted that upon you.


  6. Oh, wow. Brings back memories of my first apartment. I did the same thing. Put up a red light. Someone told me what it meant, so I changed it out for a green one. Then a bunch of stoners started knocking on my door in the middle of the knight. Who knew?

    I put the red one back up.


  7. Chuckweasel

    YES Hookers have waiting rooms. They are just like Doctor waiting rooms. Drop your pants and the bitch will see you when she can. As far as you know, I am NOT speaking from experience. 🙂


  8. Maybe they put up the “red light” so people know they should “stop” by.

    Either that or who ever lives there is named Roxanne.


  9. Definitely a waiting room.

    So what is the most illegal thing you saw this week?


  10. My guess is that the Hillfolk celebrate Christmas with hooking- their ‘good deed’ for the holiday season, so to speak.

    The extra ‘guests’ that end up in your trousers afterwards is sort of like a “Happy New Years” gift… one that itches a lot.


  11. Also, I think I’m in love with the phrase “Stupid Finger Syndrome.” You don’t mind if I abscond with it, do you?


  12. Any year old magazines out there for the clientele? That will be the ultimate clue that it’s a waiting room.


  13. You forgot the third option….stupid sorority girls. We had a “red light district” across from my dorms because the row houses were inhabited by sorostitutes who thought it was funny to put up red light bulbs on their porches.

    Otherwise, yeah, waiting room. But I wouldn’t want to wait outside in the cold — what the hell is wrong with letting them into the living area? That way everybody can be comfy and there’s no shrinkage.


  14. Maybe it’s a hooker light *and* a Christmas decoration? Ladies of the night know how to multitask. If you know what I mean.


  15. You really should apply Stick Science.


    • I don’t know if bailing me out of jail for poking a ho with a stick is on Dear Sweet Mama’s Christmas list…


      • Dear Sweet Mama

        Hey – tis the season to be jolly. Leave the workin girls along. And you know, you’ve been trying to think of a way to come up with extra money. NO NOT THAT!!! Maybe they need an office manager (as in pimp but with nicer manners and clothes) or some on air advertising. “Are you having a Blue Christmas – come on over and be jolly!” Or , do you wish to be blew for Christmas?


  16. I could say they get the benefit of the doubt and had the red light laying around when the porch light burned out… you know.. from before… though.. the question then would have to be why they have the red light laying around to begin with?

    yeah probably red light district stuff…


  17. THIS is why I love being a part of the Hoo family now……the fact that one of your mom’s career ambitions for you is “pimp!”

    Also? “Come on over & let us jingle your bells!” 🙂


  18. Lazy Hooker Trash.

    there’s only one light = lazy
    it’s red = hookers
    it’s not fairy lights, and they probably ‘brought’ it at the local store for a buck = trash.

    even if they weren’t lazy or trashy, hookers’d go with fairy lights in red, surely.


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