The Useless Crap Store

Now, as y’all know, I really, really hate to shop.  But that’s for things I NEED.  What I do truly madly deeply love is a leisurely trip through what I adoringly call “The Useless Crap Store.”

Everyone has one — in my area, I have a “Big Lots” (they liquidate other stores’ overstocks of products) and something called a “Discount Outlet”  which somehow just popped up one day in what used to the the Goody’s Department Store before Goody’s went bankrupt.  I actually had a legitimate excuse to go wandering yesterday — I was making a LONG-overdue foray to buy new makeup and I am notoriously too cheap to buy the high-dollar stuff.

I ended up getting the makeup, some boxes to organize under my bathroom sink, some outdoor Christmas lights, some bowls, a banana keeper, and 8-dollar Buddha, and THE BEST FOOD EVAH.  Armenian Cracker Bread.  It’s so good (and so fat free and therefore allowable) that I’m going back to stock up before it’s all gone.  ‘Cause that’s the part that sucks about the Crap Store — she’s a bit of a tease as far as dependability of merchandise goes.

Also, y’all need to convince me not to buy a tabletop jewelry box that was really cool but still $39.95.  I just can’t bring myself to buy a thing for $39.95 at the Useless Crap Store.

Unless it’s a firepit.  Yes, they have one.  It’s $100 and not allowed under my lease, but I WANTS IT.



Filed under I Rule You, La Vida Loca, My Secret Shame(s)

21 responses to “The Useless Crap Store

  1. But with a fire pit you could make smores. What does your landlord have against smores. Jerk….


  2. They don’t have a Big Lots around here, and now that I think of it, most stores locally are Big Crap stores, they just won’t admit it. When I go to visit Mom, we always hit up BL, because ONCE there I found these to-die-for spicy pickled green beans and it’s been my holy grail of snacky goodness since then.


    • Dear Sweet Mama and I once found these WONDERFUL chips — they were basically tortilla chips made of red beans and rice. But they only had them at her weird Christmas store (I think in either Maryland or Massachusetts, she moves too damn much!), and we have never found them anywhere else… sigh.


  3. I can’t tell you not to buy awesome things at the useless crap store.

    I am like that with the craft stores, which is why I have about 80lbs of yarn in the back room. I LOVE having an excuse to go to a useless crap store.


  4. In my world, there is no such thing as the “useless crap store” because I can rationalize NEEDING everything I spy in there! It’s a horrible disease. I have to stay away. For some reason, The Hubs doesn’t think I got a great deal if I didn’t need it in the first place. Harumph. And he calls ME the buzzkill around here. Whatevs.


  5. That’s like me with Target. I know that I actually need x # of things and I even have a list of those necessities that must be obtained (detergent, airborne, stocking hooks, applesauce . . . <——- this is an actual list of things I will purchase there today), but I will not be able to leave that store without a cart full of other shit that I don't really need but just HAVE to have when I am there. That place is a magical fairytale land of suckitude.

    Oh, and you and fire might not be the best combination. I can understand your landlord's rule. Just saying.


    • I have never set anything on fire that I did not intend to set on fire… and the exploding recliner chair in the backyard trash fire was not my doing, it was The Evil Troll. And Target gets me with that little area full of bins o’crap at the front of the store — gets me EVERY TIME.


  6. I spend a very long time in Big Lots. And Target. I’m not allowed down the center aisle of Target by myself because we have a lifetime supply of towels, dishes, accessories and linens already. And The Boy doesn’t get “on clearance” as a justification for putting more dishes in our already over loaded cupboard.


  7. I miss Goodys! Used to shop there in college. They had the best clothes in the junior department.

    We have a crap store too, it’s a 99 cent store (which I keep calling the Dollar Store, incorrectly). I don’t shop there much, though — prefer Target and Michaels. I guess I like a better class of crap? And would someone explain to me why I will happily spend $30 on fabric and supplies but feel too broke to buy a t-shirt?


    • 99 cent stores are worse, because IT COSTS LESS THAN A DOLLAR! How can I not need it if it costs so little? And I totally got you some fabric the other day — you’ve infected me.


  8. Jen

    We refer to that stuff as ‘Crappy Happy’. It isn’t worth a shit, but it still fills your heart with retail glee. For me it’s Target. . .sweet, sweet Target. ((sigh!))


  9. The useless crap store is almost as bad as Target in taking away all my money… even though I know better, I still feel compelled to purchase those moisturizing feet socks….


    • um… should I admit that I actually own those socks? I bought them at Walmart and THEY ROCK. The only problem is, if you try to walk across the kitchen floor in them, you WILL bust your ass.


  10. Pingback: Got Crap? | hoodyhoo

  11. I live in kind of an itinerant town–so my version of the useless crap store is friends who move. That’s how I got my firepit. And a wine bottle holder I don’t need.

    $39.95 is too much cha cha chang for a jewelry holder.


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