Step By Step

(ooh, baby, gonna get to you guuuuurrrrl)

Sorry, couldn’t help myself.  The latest update in the ongoing saga of “What Can Hoody Eat?” is this:  plain McDonald’s hamburgers.  Probably because, as they used to say when I was in grade school, they’re not made of real meat.  I would have RATHER had cheeseburgers, but I’m s’posed to be avoiding fat, and in the words of Chuckweasel, “Cheese is just a great big buncha fat.”  Shoulda been a nutritionist, that boy.

But the thing is, this has led to an interesting discovery.  As we all know, I do not like the edges of the burgers, only the middles.  So I peeled the edges off the burgers and laid them aside on the plate.  AND TI-JACQUES SWOOPED IN AND TOOK THEM.  That cat ate almost 2 whole burgers’ worth of edges — just plain bread, no toppings or nothing on it.  He ate it and ate it and then he played with some of it and then he ate it some more, until his little kitteh belleh was pooched out like Callie Jean with the ham sweats.  So, food and cat toy all in one…. I guess it’s a savings?

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30 Comments

Filed under Calpurnia Jean, Chuckweasel, I'm Confused, Kittehs!, La Vida Loca

30 responses to “Step By Step

  1. Just the bread? Maybe Ti-Jacques wants to become a vegetarian?

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  2. Dear Sweet Mama

    NO RED MEAT!!!!! Did we not talk about this? My God, I was probably not even on the plane yet and you start trying to kill yourself again. Go stand in the corner. As for Ti – a cat who will fight you for frosted mini wheats is strange. Just saying. He has some kind of malnutrition thing going on. Eat your soup and applesauce. No Mickey D’s – remember the pain and the unintentional weight loss. And jello if you get out of line. I would put fruit in it to torture you but you can’t have that either. Did Rusty take you there? Hmmm.

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  3. Maybe he liked it because it was once near some hamburger? Like hamburger entourage, the bread is the way to get connected.

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  4. Maybe he thought he was sacrificing for you, you know – IF I EAT THIS MY MOMMY WON’T DIE OF SOMETHING! Or he’s just a heifer in training. I’m not sure which. I’m sure it was done with love, though. And BOO to DSM having to go home. I’m sure the Concubine misses her, but I could use some more tequila stories. 🙂

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    • I know, DSM and the Concubine really need to move back to Wes’BYGAWD Virginny to continue providing for our entertainment! And Ti-Jacques does love his Mommy, but I’, fairly sure the bun-eating was purely for his own benefit!

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  5. But, DSW, hamburger is BROWN. Heh heh. And evidently McD’s isn’t real meat.

    Oliver likes bread – which is why The Boy nearly burned my house down by turning on the oven without checking inside to see if that’s where I was storing my bread. Silly Boy.

    Obi loves him some Cheerios. He loves the heck out of The Boy eating them in the morning and sending a couple rolling across the desk.

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    • I love that you typed it “DSW” like the shoe store — shows you’ve got your priorities in line! And I once set a box of cupcakes on fire the exact same way… that’s why I now own 2 breadboxes.

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  6. I had a cat that liked green beans. This was awesome when I was a kid, because I HATE green beans.

    Also: I agree that Micky D’s does NOT contain meat. For real, several years ago, there was a big ad for their burgers “80% more beef!” but the size didn’t change. I believe it is mostly soy and corn.

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    • 80 percent of no meat is still no meat. That’s MATH, McDonald’s. And so far, Ti-Jacques is leading the way with his bread obsession — until now, he and Callie Jean were tied at spaghetti sauce!

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  7. We thought one of the cats – Dashiell- liked grapes for a while. He really was just forming a raisin collection under my coffee table.

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    • eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww. That’s why I finally took the bread away from Ti — once he was more playing with it that eating it, I decided to prevent him from storing it for future use.

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  8. I think I would lose weight from eating McDonalds only because I would probably barf after one hamburger – the only thing I can stomach at those places are fries.

    I could 1000 fries in one sitting.

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  9. Jo

    My sister had a cat that adored pizza crust and honeydew melon.

    And I cannot believe that MickeyD’s isn’t real meat. Dayum. That just ruins my day for a few seconds.

    And look at you being monitored and fussed at by DSM! That’s LOVE, right there!

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    • DSM is the Queen of Monitoring and Fussing. That’s why she had to become a nurse — me being an only child, there simply wasn’t enough fussing to be done at home! Although I DID try…

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  10. Duncan

    Ooo, you can’t get away with anything, since DSM reads your blog!

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  11. Er, I’m pretty sure that plain McDonald’s hamburgers are just a big buncha fat…

    Also, did you know that 59 Big Macs have the same amount of calories as a 26-pound gummi bear? Yep. That’s 32000 calories of yuck, either way.

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  12. Step one: We can have lots of fun
    Step two: There’s so much we can do
    Step three: It’s just you and me
    Step four: I can give you more
    Step five: Don’t you know that the time has arrived

    Genius, those lyrics. Now I remember why I swooned over those boys so. Words to touch the soul, I tell ya! 🙂

    Glad you are on the mend and able to eat real(ish) foods. Not sure I count MickyD’s as “real” but at least it’s not applesauce . . . again. Be a good girl, though, and don’t get too crazy with the eating. We need you to stick around for a while.

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  13. Jen

    The edges of the patty are the best part! The singe-y parts cook out all of the e-coli and slaughterhouse-scrapin’s found in the rest of the burger.

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  14. That is barely food for you, let alone your cat. Poor kitty.

    ; )

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  15. I think it’s adorable that he likes the crusts. It’s like his very own kitteh Thanksgiving — “Oh man, I ate SO much, I’ll never eat again!”

    I’m not supposed to have cheese very often, and my stepdad once got me a cheeseburger by accident. I reassured him that it wasn’t real cheese and ate it — sure enough, no hives. There is no food in our food. *cue ominous music*

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