Getting… Better?

Well, I’ve been outta the hospital for a little while now, and I may actually be starting to feel… better.  Not like, “good” better, but at least “survivable” better.

The trouble with pancreatitis is, the better you feel, the more… let’s say… ADVENTURESOME you feel you can be in your diet.  THIS IS NOT TRUE.  So for instance, you start feeling like, “Hey, maybe I could eat a little piece of turkey for Thanksgiving.”  No, you can’t.  The pain will come back like 10 bitches on a bitch boat and you will be SORRY.  Them you think you can maybe eat a little tiny corner of plain cheese pizza because, after all, the toppings are what’s bad for you, right?  WRONG.  Cheese is a topping, dumbass.

So I’ve backed my diet back down to the Oliver Twist workhouse level — I may have oatmeal, instant mashed potatoes (not real ones with lumps, that’s too fine for me!), your broth-based soups like chicken with rice, chicken noodle, and vegetable medley, and SOME cream-based soups on a soup-to-soup basis.  That plus cottage cheese and Greek yogurt pretty much encompasses my diet, except for bananas, which I consider a medicine, not an actual food.

Today I may try biscuits with plain country gravy.  Big Times.

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28 Comments

Filed under La Vida Loca, White Man's Medicine

28 responses to “Getting… Better?

  1. Bless you! It sounds like you have to eat the same way a baby discovers food for the first time, lots of normal cereal, baby rice and plain crackers then adding a few non-white foods in and building from there. I think the rule is if it has a yummy smells, it’s inedible.

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  2. the “if it smells/looks good, don’t eat it” rule does seem to be working so far!

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  3. Sucks about the diet but glad you are getting better. Take it easy on the biscuits and gravy. Gravy can kill, you know.

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  4. Oh, you poor thing! Restricted eating is the worst.

    Thinking warm thoughts and sending hugs your way,

    Pearl

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  5. Yeah, you better be careful with that gravy. It is a gateway food you know. A gateway to more gravy, of all sorts. And since you have included cheese as a gravy, and cheese is definitely a no no, you better be careful. I missed you too much for your dumb ass to go back to the hospital. You need to stay well for my own entertainment. Don’t you let me down, Hoody! 🙂

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  6. I feel bad for you, I do. Because I know that diet is tough on your gravy loving soul. But I did find myself saying “yum” to everything you listed – I’m a big fan of all that stuff. Maybe not for weeks at a time…

    I’m with Misty; stay well or we’ll kick your ass.

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  7. Hoody, don’t go into the light! Of the fridge. Unless DSM has removed everything that is tempting (has taste). I really hope you start to feeling better soon, I can’t imagine how much it sucks right now. Your minions require your presence, so don’t go and eat a swiss cake roll or fajitas, you hear me??

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    • Please, you know DSM purged all the tasty crap outta the house before she let me back in! She knows willpower isn’t my thing!
      And WHY did you have to say “swiss cake roll????”

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  8. Ugh, I have allergies and other problems that require me to go off and on a bland diet whenever I have a flare. HATE diets. I so feel your pain. However, I’ve experienced the discomfort of saying “Fuck it” and eating the thing anyway — not worth it, that’s for sure.

    Keep your chin up…the better you stick to the diet now, the faster you’ll be back to normal food. When all else fails, swear (I read somewhere that swearing actually helps relieve pain, so I think it would work in this case too).

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    • I was actually doing the thing where you suck in your breath really sharply and make a little moaning noise, but it was freaking DSM out. She says it wigs her out when I show any pain because I’m usually — and I quote — “so stoic.”

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  9. Hang in there! If it makes you feel any better, your sense of taste gets refined after a while off from all that unhealthy super-tasty stuff we eat all the time. So suddenly, things like honey and fruit taste amazing. Are you dreaming about food yet?

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    • I’ve been dreaming about cheeseburgers since before I even got out of the hospital — but you’re right, I do feel like I can really TASTE the ingredients of things now. Of course, there’s usually about 3 ingredients, max, but I can taste ’em!

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  10. Wow. Glad you’re getting better, but damn. Although, I have to admit, it would take something that drastic to get me to lose weight over the holidays, so… Take from that what you will.

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  11. I wish you good biscuit luck. I’m sure that diet is pretty frustrating, hopefully things will work out so you feel good and can eat some enjoyable foods, or that the ones you have to eat become enjoyable.

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  12. Jo

    Wishing a super fast recovery for you!

    NOW, how the heck do we go about getting in the royal court? Because I am all about titles….and I have been known to beg and grovel. I already own a tiara, if that helps. (Would a large plastic spoon count as a scepter?)

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  13. Alright, here’s how it goes — first, you comment often enough and funnily enough that you become a “Voice in My Head” (which you are). Then you can petition to be allowed into the Royal Court, which is the people who will help me rule the world after the ‘Pocolypse. It helps to have unusual and/or useful skills and to be a crazy motherfucker. And sorry, only Tazer gets a scepter because she’s the Heir Apparent (it’s a spork).

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    • Jo

      K….here’s my resume:
      1. I can talk in mixed-up accents. Usually a combo of Spanish, India-type Indian, and Russian. Together, they just sound unusually hilarious, regardless of what I say. So, I can entertain.
      2. I am a crazy motherfucker, who constantly gets myself into trouble because I don’t pay enough attention to details that always come back and bite me in the ass, and I then make a story out of it. So, I can entertain with my stupidity. (Hmmm…seeing a trend here)
      3. I speak my mind because I’m old enough not to care anymore what people might think of me, and I stand up for what I believe in…but I do it tactfully, because I’m weird like that. Leadership material for the reign after the ‘Pocolypse?
      4. I love cats. Just throwin’ that out there casually, because you have some and I *sigh* no longer *sigh* do. So, cat-sitter whilst you’re rulin’ the world?
      5. I love your blog. Seriously.
      Apparently I’m down to the flattery portion of our program, so I think my resume is done.
      You’re welcome.

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  14. Amy

    Wow. You’re on the white food diet. Can you get crazy and maybe put gravy on the mashed potatoes? Or, would that be going overboard.
    My gallbladder went supernova on me earlier this year. I don’t know what pancreatitis feels like, but if it’s anything like a gallbladder attack, then I feel for you. Here’s to hoping you can eat food with colors again soon!

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    • I think it’s somewhat the same — anytime your organs get pissed at you, you have to stop eating things. I have ventured into the land of gravy just to switch things up a bit, but only the lighter-colored ones (turkey and pork) and only the low-fat ones that come in a jar or a packet.

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