Ya Think Ya Know Somebody…

Dear Sweet Mama and the Concubine are going through some trouble up in Joisey (which I’ll go into later when it’s all resolved), which prompted a conversation between me and the Weasel that has left me SIMPLY STUNNED.

That boy… does not believe… in the ‘Pocolypse.

Like, not as a serious, shit-might-be-goin’-down and we should probably be ready kind of thing.  Which is why he has me, I guess, but it’s becoming clear he MAY actually think I’M the crazy one!  The which I am NOT.

I was just raised not to take things for granted, whereas he was raised not to lock your front door (yes, we DID grow up less than 30 miles from each other).  But he… and this is just so hard to say… HE TRUSTS PEOPLE.

Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t try to stop my stockpiling and preparations, he just honestly doesn’t think we’re gonna need ’em!  Where can you BUY that kind of optimism?  I guess it goes along with his I’m-so-nice-I’ll-give-a-triflin’-ho-a-ride-to-her-apartment thing, which I keep trying (and failing) to break him of… but seriously?  There is absolutely no way this whole “civilization” thing is gonna stay on the rails for much longer!

Part of me wishes I could be like that… but the other (much larger) part is busy building a fort out of crates of powdered milk.



Filed under Chuckweasel, I'm Confused, La Vida Loca, Twu Wuuv, WTF???

37 responses to “Ya Think Ya Know Somebody…

  1. How can someone not lock the front door? How else can you keep the crazies out?

    I hope Chuckweasel’s naivete doesn’t get him into trouble. Does he believe in zombies?


  2. First, is everything ok with DSM and the Concubine?

    Second, well then at least the 2 of you are a good pair. He’s the level headed one to your crazy. Err, wait . . . what I meant to say is that all your planning for the inevitable zombiepacolypse will come in handy when you need to protect him and save his dumb ass from the looters, right? Yeah, that’s totally what I meant to say. 🙂


    • Question 1 — I think so, but the situation is still pretty fucked up. I promise to share the story when I can

      Second, I think that’s how he looks at it, too — I just console myself that I’ll be able to say “I told you so.”


  3. Don’t forget the ammo. And shoot for the head. Always the head.


  4. I grew up not locking the door. When you live in the middle of nowhere, the only thing that’s going to try to come in are critters, and since they don’t have opposable thumbs, you’re relatively safe. And then we woke up one morning to find someone sleeping in our yard. Thus began the creation of Fort Knox Part Deux.

    I’d like to think that people genuinely have good intentions, but after years of being proven wrong, I’ve just accepted that the slow walking person who looks like they want a hug probably just wants to nosh on your cerebral cortex.


  5. Dear Sweet Mama

    I believe in fairies as well – hell, I live in Asbury Park, there is one on the Boardwalk, wings and all, regularly. However, I also believe in trolls. And trolls take a hell of a big bat. Get the house clean, Hoody – we may be coming your way.


  6. I believe in localized apocalypses. Is that a word we can pluralize? Never mind, it is now. Think about the tsunami a few years back. I double-dog-guarantee you, those people saw it coming and knew the end was nigh.

    SO, since I live in earthquake country, in an area that is fairly well populated (the better to have riots with), I’m all about the preparedness. We’ve got guns, ammo, and food. I need to restock on water and practice reloading, but that’s about it.

    My family doesn’t lock their doors when home because they have the World’s Longest Gravel Driveway and you can hear someone coming a mile off. I think they’re overly trusting but then I’m a nasty suspicious bitch.


  7. Well, he’ll thank you when the zombies start eating his brain. Seriously. How can you not believe in the apocalypse? Tell him to read the finacial page of any large newspaper and get back to you. After that, he will be hoarding bullets with the rest of us.

    I do have to admit, though, that I don’t even think my front door has a lock that works, or if it does, no one has the key.


  8. People here don’t lock their doors. They think it’s a small town. The funny thing is that they are surprised and mad when someone comes into their house or car and takes stuff. Really? When I lived in a town half this size we locked our doors. And when I visited my Grandma in a town half THAT size and she works four doors from her house, we locked the door.

    Obi would like to live in your fort of condensed milk though, thanks to Holly, I know that condensed milk is bad for cats. But those cans are probably great and hurling toward zombies. Or neighbors who didn’t build their own dang forts.


  9. Jo

    You’ve done it now. Everybody is going to know about your fort and assume they can come to your house when it starts.

    *casually* So, how far does your fort expand?


  10. The husband is the same way with the doors, I have probably saved us from getting mugged in the middle of the night a million times just by going back and double checking if he locked the doors.


  11. OMG. All I can think about lately is how my stock pile is really sad looking and I need to beef it up. I may have tried to convince the phubster that we need to start building and underground shelter, like 100 feet below surface with one of those submarine type hatches so that no one can rob us of our food and stuff…. am I taking this too far….?


    • I would LOVE to have one of those 1950’s-style shelters! But you can’t find them prefab anymore, and I’m not really into digging my own hole…


      • Dear Sweet Mama

        Get one of those cargo containers and get it in the ground – or not, they seem pretty indestructible. That is what your cousin He’p is planning. Along with closing off the road up to their community and turning it into Montival.


  12. What do you expect from someone who had never seen The Thing before?


  13. There is no preparing for the robots. You can’t run fast enough. You can’t hide from their soulless sensors. You can’t trust that the person sitting next is not, in fact, a cyborg.

    On a side note, have you ever seen Chuckweasel bleed? It wasn’t black and oily, was it? (Because he might be trying to lull you into a false sense of complacency…)


  14. Duncan

    Great Scott, Weasey!!!


  15. Weasel needs a cold hard dose of cynicism. 😛


  16. I was discussing my stall with the market manager the other day and slipped into conversation “no I can’t do that cause someone might just steal it” to which he replied “it’s a shame we have to look at things that way” and I gave him a totally quizzical, ‘but that’s how the world works’ look and replied “yeahhh, but you’ve still gotta”


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