I’m Just a Big Ol’ Ball of Spite

Several of the Redneck Hillfolk have really gone all out this year with their Halloween decorations around Ye Olde Apartment Complex, and I have found it just makes me that much LESS likely to do anything myself.  There’s also a DAMN good chance the huge sack of candy I bought for Trick-or-Treat will be consumed entirely by Chuckweasel and myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Halloween, it’s just I’m not what you’d call a “joiner.”  I don’t want to do what everybody else is doing, and the more they do it, the more I dig in my heels and refuse.  Plus, I’m not really good with the decoration-removal part — my Christmas tree once stayed up until March!

Maybe THAT’S what I’ll do!  I’ll start decorating for DIFFERENT holidays!  Like, they can put up their ghosts and shit, and I’ll hang little hearts and cherubs in the window!  Oh, it’s on now — this year’s Thanksgiving will be celebrated with shamrocks and leprechauns!

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51 Comments

Filed under Chuckweasel, GENIUS!, Just Call Me Beavis, Ye Olde Apartment Complex

51 responses to “I’m Just a Big Ol’ Ball of Spite

  1. Thanks Giving is over now here in Canuk-ville. But I am thinking of decorating the christmas chair!

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  2. No one over here does much, but it’s an excuse for extra candy so why not!

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  3. Your Christmas Tree was up until March? Isn’t that a pretty big fire hazard? Didn’t it just disintegrate some time around February?

    My dad used to regularly leave the christmas lights up until June, at which point I was always all “Dad, why don’t we just leave them up? We’re going to be back out here in 6 months anyway!”

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  4. Sooooo…what kind of candy did you buy? I’m mapping out my trick r treat route.

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  5. Dear Sweet Mama

    Oh, Hoody – what a disappointment. Our house is stylishly decorated in all things pagan (I do so enjoy a good laugh at the Christians who LURV my Halloween decorations) and we have multiple bags of candy – including the large size bars for the larger sized children (?) which may turn out to be a mistake here in Asbury Park. Of course, all things must change over tomorrow to Thanksgiving which I only celebrate for the stuffed ham. Then Christmas, which is a glorious mixup of stags, lights and baby Jesi (which I think is the plural of Jesussssssss’).

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  6. I haven’t even started decorating, but I took the day off (2 seperate parades at kids’ schools … yay?) so I will probably slap a few things up to be festive. My neighborhood is super halloween-centric. We will probably get about 200 kids, I am sooo not joking. Wish I was. My last house we usually got about 2 kids, so this is a huge difference. We usually almost run out of candy, which is why I usually snack on it prior, because there won’t be much left.

    I like the shamrock idea. And I still want to try this stuffed ham. Wanna bring some over, say around the end of the month? 😀

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    • I don’t think I’m capable of making a stuffed ham myself — and the places where you can order one want a FORTUNE (well, more than one expects to pay for ham). So I’m just gonna stick with the Paula Deen ham — which is now the official food for any holiday at the Hoo Household! July 4th? Ham. President’s Day? Ham. you see the pattern.

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  7. At a previous job, I drew the short straw to take down the Christmas tree. That’s my job at home, too, and I can never get the effing thing to fit back in the box properly. So, in order to not expose my failings, I opted to leave it up, and spent the afternoon (when I should have been writing court reports and logging and other job related things) making a Martin Luther King, Jr. Day tree. And in February, we had a Lincoln’s Birthday tree, and a Valentine’s Day tree, and In March, a St. Patrick’s Day Tree, and then the first part of April, the big corporate folk were coming, so we had to take it down. But for a good three months, I got paid to make paper chains and zerox pictures that had nothing to do with foster care.

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  8. Keep the tree up year round and decorate it to match your holiday un-decor!

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  9. I think that is a wonderful idea! Or even better just start mashing holidays together so that when you put up your Christmas tree you can decorate it with St. Patricks day shamrocks along with ghosts and hearts, then you will need to post pictures.

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  10. Jen

    My sister dressed up as Santa Claus this year just to fuck with people. My whole family is wickety-whack.

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  11. I have never decorated, with the exception of The Holiday Spider who hangs on the wall behind me in my “office.” He’s about four feet across and we put various things on him. At the moment he’s decked out in University of Wyoming gear and has brown and gold pom poms. He’s also, I just noticed, still wearing the wire chicks that attacked him for Easter. Hmmm.

    I probably should have done something for Halloween.

    The Boy’s family is coming for Christmas. We’re seriously considering getting a tree. Maybe. Oy, so much work.

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  12. I love Halloween! But I never find time (or money) to do all the decorating I would do if I had more time (or money).

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  13. I don’t even buy Halloween candy any more… we haven’t had a single trick or treater in the 13 years I’ve lived here. I live in a predominantly Orthodox Jewish neighborhood… I don’t know it that has anything to do with it; maybe they don’t revel in the pagan holidays like the rest of us.

    I do know that I’m going to get great deals on overstock Halloween candy tomorrow.

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  14. I love decorating. I just hate the cleanup. Halloween decorations should stay up until at least February.

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  15. This is what you do – go ahead and decorate for Christmas. If anyone asks, say you’re afraid of Christmas so it makes perfect sense for Halloween.

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  16. Duncan

    That’s so cool! I know a lady who dressed up as a Thansgiving Turkey for Halloween. She titled her costume “Early”. : )

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  17. Oh, man, that sounds fantastic! I’m great at starting decorating projects–and I pretty much suck at finishing them. So, the Squeeze wonders why I have up a Christmas tree surrounded by rapid rat decals near a goose with a raincoat on all at the same time.

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  18. I put up a few lights and stakes in the front yard, so we look friendly to trick-or-treaters. My neighborhood does Halloween in a big way, so I expect a hundred or so kids to come by tonight and of course, we’ll be going door to door ourselves. When the kids move out, though, all bets are off. I might just lock the door, turn off the porch light and scarf caramel popcorn by myself.

    You do whatever makes you least likely to shank somebody, whether it involves leprechauns or not.

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  19. My neighbors leave up Christmas lights all year long so when Christmas gets here they have about 2 lights burning out of the 50 ct string.

    I stopped decorating for any of the holidays. I do have a Charlie Brown tree I pull out of the box for Christmas though.

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  20. That’s why I don’t decorate shit, at all, because I’m too lazy to take that shit down. My apartment looks the same year-round. Even when I lived with a Jewish girl, we were all excited about it and like, “we can have menorahs and a freaking tree and it’ll be fucking awesome”. No. We hung up one strand of lights around the front window and it stayed there until we moved out this August. Fuck it. Hang up some leprechauns and screw everyone else.

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  21. I never decorate — in my neighborhood, you just need to turn on your porch light, and kids will flock to your door. Although I got a lot fewer kids this year than previous years (maybe because I got home late), so tomorrow I get to return SIX unopened bags of candy to the supermarket.

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  22. If you do leprechauns for Thanksgiving, don’t forget they take less stuffing.

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