There is a house I pass on my way to work that has a sign in the yard that says “Prepare to Meet Thy Lord.” Which seems to mean I’m supposed to be throwing a party for God, and I don’t know how to plan it.
For instance, is He bringing Jesus? ‘Cause if Jesus comes, I can just buy bottled water instead of wine and let ol’ J.C. do his thing. But will Jesus be bringing His mom and step-dad? ‘Cause they’re fairly orthodox Jews and that means I have to keep the menu kosher. And I’ll have to buy new dishes… maybe I can just get a fish and a loaf of bread and call it a day.
Also, is this a small, private party or will the Lord be inviting His business associates? And if so, which ones? This menu is getting tougher and tougher… I’ll have to have the vegetarian option for Buddha, and something non-alcoholic for Mohammed to drink, and we can’t have burgers if any of the Hindus are coming or they’ll get pissy and start playing keep away with the Pope’s hat… That’s also gonna factor into what day to have the party ON…
And I don’t care if it is the Lord’s party, Joseph Smith is not allowed in my house.