As y’all know, my job requires me to know WAAAAY more about country music than
anyone should I would like, and the latest scandal to rock the rockabillies is PRICELESS!
Apparently Toby Keith, who I hate anyway because he’s an ignorant hatemongering asshat, sings the song “Made in America”… while playing a Japanese guitar.
My old man’s that old man, spent his life livin’ off the land
Dirty hands and a clean soul. (ok, so far so good, but Toby, you should know — as a child of both bikers and ex-military, I can assure you the term “my old man” refers to your boyfriend. Your daddy is THE old man.)
Breaks his heart seein’ foreign cars, filled with fuel that isn’t ours (dammit, for the last time, it’s called the Strategic Oil RESERVE for a reason!)
And wearin’ cotton he didn’t grow (or pick, or mill, or whatever the fuck you have to do to cotton to make a t-shirt — NOBODY DOES THAT!)
He’s got the red white and blue flyin’ high on the farm
Semper Fi tattooed on his left arm
Spends a little more at the store for a tag in the back that says “USA” (those tags are made in China)
Won’t buy nothin’ he can’t fix
With WD-40 and a Craftsman wrench (so the Keith family is basically Amish?)
He ain’t prejudiced, he’s just Made in America. (oh, hon, anytime you have to say someone isn’t prejudiced, it automatically means they ARE. It’s like saying you have a lot of black friends.)
He loves his wife, she’s that wife
That decorates on the 4th of July but says “Every day’s Independence Day” (no, no it’s not)
She’s golden rule, teaches school (odd that they’d hire a teacher who can’t read a calendar…)
Some folks say it isn’t cool, but she
Says the Pledge of Allegiance everyday
Then the chorus repeats ad infinitum, with a little bridge about how Toby’s daddy was “Born in the heartland, raised up a family, with King James and Uncle Sam.” (yes, the worst possible translation of the Bible and the most warmongering symbol of America — explains a lot about ol’ Toby).
But the best part remains — “spends a little more in the store for a tag in the back that says USA” — when Toby DOES NOT!
I love hypocrisy.