As y’all know, my job requires me to know WAAAAY more about country music than anyone should I would like, and the latest scandal to rock the rockabillies is PRICELESS!

Apparently Toby Keith, who I hate anyway because he’s an ignorant hatemongering asshat, sings the song “Made in America”… while playing a Japanese guitar.


This makes me happier than Glenn Beck’s tears.  So I thought it was time to analyze the lyrics: (as usual, my comments will be in bold):

My old man’s that old man, spent his life livin’ off the land

Dirty hands and a clean soul. (ok, so far so good, but Toby, you should know — as a child of both bikers and ex-military, I can assure you the term “my old man” refers to your boyfriend.  Your daddy is THE old man.)

Breaks his heart seein’ foreign cars, filled with fuel that isn’t ours (dammit, for the last time, it’s called the Strategic Oil RESERVE for a reason!)

And wearin’ cotton he didn’t grow (or pick, or mill, or whatever the fuck you have to do to cotton to make a t-shirt — NOBODY DOES THAT!)

He’s got the red white and blue flyin’ high on the farm

Semper Fi tattooed on his left arm

Spends a little more at the store for a tag in the back that says “USA” (those tags are made in China)

Won’t buy nothin’ he can’t fix

With WD-40 and a Craftsman wrench (so the Keith family is basically Amish?)

He ain’t prejudiced, he’s just Made in America. (oh, hon, anytime you have to say someone isn’t prejudiced, it automatically means they ARE.  It’s like saying you have a lot of black friends.)

He loves his wife, she’s that wife

That decorates on the 4th of July but says “Every day’s Independence Day” (no, no it’s not)

She’s golden rule, teaches school (odd that they’d hire a teacher who can’t read a calendar…)

Some folks say it isn’t cool, but she

Says the Pledge of Allegiance everyday

Then the chorus repeats ad infinitum, with a little bridge about how Toby’s daddy was “Born in the heartland, raised up a family, with King James and Uncle Sam.”  (yes, the worst possible translation of the Bible and the most warmongering symbol of America — explains a lot about ol’ Toby).

But the best part remains — “spends a little more in the store for a tag in the back that says USA” — when Toby DOES NOT!

I love hypocrisy.




Filed under Just Call Me Beavis, La Vida Loca

25 responses to “BWAH-HAH-HAH!

  1. (or pick, or mill, or whatever the fuck you have to do to cotton to make a t-shirt — NOBODY DOES THAT!)

    Umm hoody, someone has to do that or we wouldn’t have the t-shirts in question 😛 I love that his song is all about buying from your country (and causing a global economic crisis if that happens) yet he is sporting his cheaper Japanese version. HI-LAIr-IOUS!


    • I was more going for the, nobody grows their own cotton, then does whatever you do to it to make it into shirts, then makes the shirt THEMSELVES. That’s just not how things work anymore! If it was, I’d be hungry and nekkid!
      And I love the fact that these people never consider that their “buy American” BS might just POSSIBLY have something to do with the fact that everyone’s economy is all fucked up… nah, couldn’t be…


  2. Wait… You … work… with … COUNTRY??? Oh the pain, the agony, the horror (almost mis-spelled Whorror)…either way works…

    I am shocked and appauled. But then again you might catch me singing to White limo…under my breath! 🙂


  3. I am guessing I wear more clothing that’s made in the USA than Mr. Toby up there… It includes two shirts and one pair of sunglasses, and that dude can AFFORD it. He has no excuse.

    And I LOVE the line, “anytime you have to say someone isn’t prejudiced, it automatically means they ARE.” So so true. It’s like saying, “I’m not racist, BUT…” and then telling a racist joke.


    • Or, “I don’t mean that in a bad way…” or “I, don’t wanna offend you, but…”
      Just stop wasting my time and go ahead and say the fucktarded thing you’re going to say!


  4. I love hypocritical celebrities. Like how Rhianna’s S&M song is supposed to make everyone forget about Chris Brown? Yeah.


  5. You know that I actually enjoy some country music. That being said, I feel EXACTLY the same way you do about Toby Keith. Cannot stand him, his music or his self righteous good ole boy go usa I love the military crap he shoves down everyone’s throats. Accordingly, I love this news. Whoever caught this tidbit of info is right on in my book!!


  6. I don’t like Toby Keith because he carries that big ol’ chip around on his shoulder about how people didn’t give him a chance and he couldn’t get a record deal. Really, Toby? Because it seems to me that I’ve heard your music on the radio. Seems to me I heard two albums play on the radio before you “hit it big.” I’ve never heard myself singing on the radio. Maybe I should be a whiny little girl about that.


  7. I wonder if his old man is the same old man that slammed a screen door and left Joni Mitchell in a Big Yellow Taxi.


  8. Jen

    I know this is going to completely annihilate my snarky diva street-cred, but I freaking LOVE country music. I’m actually a big Toby Keith fan too, but I’m also a Republican which may play a large role in my adulation of the man. 🙂 Don’t hate me. . .


  9. I like some country music, but mostly the fringe stuff and mostly by women — Wanda Jackson, Neko Case, Gillian Welch, that kind of thing. A lot of country music is far too jingoistic for my taste, although I’ll admit a soft spot for the song “Working Man’s PhD,” which says the same thing as Toby Keith but a whole hell of a lot better.

    My kids go to public school in California and say the Pledge of Allegiance all the frickin’ time, as do most schoolchildren in this country. THAT’S NOT UNUSUAL, TOBY. I also pay more money for good products, try to repair them instead of replacing them, and a lot of my clothes are made in USA since they’re made by me. Sometimes the fabric is even milled here. I drive a Mazda and the Hubs drives a Ford because guess what? They’re both owned by Ford and we get family discounts (MIL used to work for Ford). Geez, guess I’ll have to turn in my liberal card now. Gimme a break.


  10. What. A. FUCKING. Douchebag. I really hate that guy and everythign he pretends to stand for.


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