This Post Brought to You By the Letter “F”

Because that’s the first letter of the word I’ve been using A LOT the past 2 days!  (I think you know which one).  Here’s the Mike Sorrentino:

I come into the office yesterday at Oh-Dark-30 to begin my usual day… only to find that the IT Terrorist has struck again.  The main computer — yes, the one that PUTS ME ON THE RADIO — has been completely wiped clean.  No shortcuts, no folders, nothing.  It was as if it was a whole new computer… but that would be ridiculous! 

Turns out, they had just fucked up the desktop somehow — I was able to search for the programs, etc and essentially “rebuild” the whole damn thing.  Have I mentioned I’m not techie?  Needless to say, I was filled with white-hot rage… so much so that my DJ-yayhoos actually made mention of it ON THE AIR (they said they were scared to come in the newsroom… which is probably good!)

So I had everything MOSTLY fixed… until today.  That’s when I discovered that — as usual — the IT Terrorist has tried to fix something that wasn’t broken and BROKEN A BUNCH OF OTHER SHIT IN THE PROCESS.  I. Hate. Him.

I swear, I’mma gonna go down to the liquor store and find the nastiest, grodiest hobo I can find, then I’m gonna have him spit in a Ziploc bag.  Then I’m gonna rub that hobo loogie all over the computers so if those fuckers touch them again, they’ll get hobo cooties.  I just have to learn to type in gloves.

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23 Comments

Filed under La Vida Loca, WTF???

23 responses to “This Post Brought to You By the Letter “F”

  1. Ok, it sounds as if my mad nad kicking skills are going to be needed. I will need directions to your job, a physical description of this asshat, the access code to any alarm system used at night, some high tech gadgetry like from Mission Impossible (bonus points for one of those harness things that lowers me from the ceiling), head to toe leather outfit (for stalking purposes, natch), and some petty cash. You know, for expenses. A few thousand should suffice.

    Then? Lemme attem!

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  2. This guy reinforces my whole theory about whether certain people should be allowed to breed or not.

    And hobo cooties? You are a GEEEEENyus.

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  3. Just please don’t start a national epidemic with your new Hobo Cooties Virus. I haven’t gotten my vaccination yet (which I think involves wearing a monocle while being injected with expensive champagne or something).

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  4. I think I got the hobo cooties. I’ll come down and cough on the IT guy for you. I’ll even bring the Hubs to fix all your computer woes. I got one question. What’s your best offer?

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  5. Jen

    We’ve got a kick-ass hobo sleeping next to our office, shall I send him by? He may even have leprosy for that little extra sumpin-sumpin.

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  6. DARK SECRET CONFESSION: I’m married to an IT asshat. Most of them would love hobo cooties because it would prove they engaged in human contact. Threatening the star wars legos in their cubicles would upset them more….

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    • For the record- my husband is a very nice Asshat- he approved my comment….

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      • The Boy is that jerk that keeps anything fun from happening in our city (aka an engineer for the City who wants buildings to stand and bridges to support, you know, cars). It seems like that would be so much less fun that being the girl who draws pretty pictures and says pretty words. I don’t know why people sign up for the asshat jobs. Don’t they tell them in college that they’ll be considered asshats?

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        • I have known some VERY GOOD IT people, but DAYUM, this boy be stupid! Plus he wears one of those goddamn backwards hipster hats all the time, which makes me wanna choke him out.

          And I don’t know why people seek out jobs that will make others despise them… it’s gotta be some kinda freaky sex thing!

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          • I think my husband enjoys being the only loved IT Asshat in residence. He has a Mother Theresa complex or something. I’ll spare you my IT freaky sex thoughts- you’ve been thru enough!

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  7. So, I am really good at typing. One day, I got bored at work (surprise surprise) and I pulled all the keys off the keyboard, and made the top row read “I AM BORED” instead of QWERTYUI. The next day, there was a post it on my monitor from IT asking me to move it back as they could not get on my computer. This was funny for two reasons.

    1) They couldn’t type well enough to figure out the keys.
    2) They didn’t think about maybe getting the keyboard from the next computer over, which was about 2 feet away.

    I would suggest hooking up a cattle prod to your chair when you are not there. That’ll learn ’em.

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  8. Wow. Your IT guys are really bad. Apparently, mine are really great. Like not being able to “get on” your computer, becuase the keys were made humorous? Whaaa???

    My IT guys just remote in to my system like wizards, and fix stuff while I watch. They’re in a building somewhere far away (presumably a basement with Star Wars crap) and they just remote into my system, take over, start fiddling with the stuff I can’t even find, and fix it. Then they log off, and the computer is back to being mine. All better. The status of my keyboard, and even their physical presence in my office, is irrelevant.

    My only beef with them is that they 1) will not laugh no matter how hard I try and 2) won’t look me in the eye when they do come around. So far they haven’t figured out how to “remote in” a new laptop. They actually have to walk over and drop that off, which is clearly a bad day for them.

    Fingers crossed you get someone competent. They’re out there. And they’re awesome.

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    • oh, he “remotes in” all the time — usually just in time to make my computer impossible for ME to use when I need it! I once had to open a Word document and quickly type “Hey jackass, I’m trying to work” to make him stop!

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