That’s right, I’m back from FCC Hell, AND a successful trip to the stupid DMV to get my license renewed… and I’mma gonna need my soapbox.
This may be a horrible thing to say, and it may make me sound like a racist or a Republican… but… I truly feel you should not be allowed to have a drivers’ license in this country if you do not speak AND READ English.
Stop the hate mail, I’m not saying English has to be your FIRST language, but you should at least be able to speak it well enough to go through the “getting my drivers’ license” process! And if you can’t read the application form, you sure as hell can’t read street signs, so you’re just gonna end up lost! It’s all for your own good, really.
Plus, all the warning lights in the car are in ENGLISH in the U.S., so you could be getting the “hey, your shit’s ’bout to blow up” warning and YOU WOULDN’T KNOW IT! Of course, I brought this up to Dear Sweet Mama, whereupon the following conversation ensued:
DSM: “But the lights and stuff in the car I drove in Scotland were in English…”
HH: “They speak English in Scotland, Dear Sweet Mama.”
DSM: “Oh… nevermind.” (yes, my mama is Emily Latella)
Of course, this is also the woman who, when we went in search of a pop machine in Vancouver, said to the hotel clerk, “Do you have to have Canadian money for your snack machines?”
His CLASSIC response? “Yes, ma’am. This is Canada.”
Love you, DSM — just remember, you don’t have to be smart, you’re pretty! : )
And P.S. Because I am a good person who does not want to encourage hatred and bigotry, I DID NOT tell this joke on the radio this morning:
“Apparently, there’s federal job training available for people who are transgendered. So it IS true that if you give a man a pair of boobs he’ll never wanna leave the house!”
You’re welcome, activist community.