I came home from work yesterday to find the most amazing thing…
CHUCKWEASEL
HAD DONE
THE DISHES.
And my dishes were BAAAAD, y’all. I had let them get to the science project stage during the deep dark depression, and they had become my nemesis! The whole rest of the house is clean (except Petey’s Room, gimme a break), but those dishes were the hill I could not climb (almost literally). I couldn’t believe Chuckweasel would do such a nasty chore without ANY prompting — I was struck speechless for a minute!
I mean, Chuckweasel’s chores are usually outside-related chores — like, take out the trash, carry in the groceries, etc. If we had a yard, he would have to mow it, if we had a dog, he would have to pick up its poops. But dishes are INSIDE, and so under my domain… but he did it anyway, bless him!
And he did them WELL, too! Number one, he didn’t even use the dishwasher (he claims he doesn’t know how, which proves I’m not getting rid of this chore for good!), and number two, THE DISHES WERE ACTUALLY CLEAN. This is utterly shocking to me — I am EXTREMELY OCD about clean dishes, and if there’s so much as a SPECK of food or what-not left on a plate, that whole load’s getting washed again. I once had a boyfriend who I SWEAR would deliberately fuck up chores so he wouldn’t have to do them anymore — needless to say, he did the dishes exactly once.
So, let’s line up, Sister Wives… it may be time to give Chuckweasel a however-many-of-us-there-are-some… a “menage’ a us”, if you will. All you boy-types are excused… you can do more chores while we’re busy!
hoodyhoo 
CW’s points just skyrocketed. I am super impressed the dishes passed your inspection. Hubs always wants stroked (that word makes me giggle) after doing any sort of menial household chore, and I’d be more than willing to stroke if I wasn’t so busy re-washing the dishes because you put my AIRBAKE pan that’s NOT supposed to go in the dishwasher on TOP of the sprayer, therefore rendering a shit ton of water into said airbake pan and not washing a damned thing else.
I think getting some “I heart CW” t-shirts might be in order.
LikeLike
Maybe “Chuckweasel’s Angels”? And we could feather our hair and carry guns!
LikeLike
Oh, admit it. You were just looking for an excuse to do that anyway . . . .
LikeLike
Ooh! Ooh! Can I be Cheryl Ladd?
LikeLike
we can ALL be Cheryl Ladd… that’s the beauty of Chuckweasel’s Angels!
LikeLike
Holy crap.
I’m picturing coming home to my dishes being done (likewise with the science experiment thing, I just cant face them, but this weekend, I promise).
Now that, that’s love.
LikeLike
I KNOW, right? And he didn’t even describe how bad they were, just did it!
LikeLike
He didn’t use the dishwasher? WHAT?!
LikeLike
I KNOW — He HAND WASHED the entire mess! AND scrubbed out the sink!
LikeLike
Okay, this is how dumb I am. H had to forfeit all his indoor chores to me because he just could not do them well…. vacuuming resulted in banged furniture and spilled dustbags, dusting missed entire legions of dead people passing, making up the bed damn near smothered the cat.
The “on purpose” thing never occurred to me until I read this.
I’ll let y’all know where to send flowers.
LikeLike
duuuuuude… you been HAD!
LikeLike
That’s awesome, you should give Chuckweasel a little plastic deputy badge or something!
LikeLike
I have a bunch of pirate eyepatches, would that work?
LikeLike
My husband lost his leg last year (don’t worry its all healed now)… and he comes home and takes his leg off and then says he “cant walk” … which he THINKS gets him out of doing chores… truth be told he didn’t do them BEFORE he lost his leg so I don’t buy the excuses.
I gave up fighting about 13 years ago…so not worth my energy… I plan to loose my bodily functions (on purpose) so he is forced to change my diapers… soon my friend…revenge comes in many forms! 🙂
Chuckweasle was either sick of looking at them or he was looking for nookie! but now you know he can do them, that should become his chore… 🙂
LikeLike
I’m choosing to believe he did it out of love and adoration… and he’s 5 years older than me, so he’ll probably get out of Dodge before he has to change my diapers!
LikeLike
I once had a roommate who left the dishes from Thanksgiving (which she cooked for her family) sitting out well after Christmas. When I got back from staying with my folks, the smell hit me as soon as I walked in the door. I told her she had until the new year to deal with them or I would throw everything away.
It all went in the dumpster, and she never said a word. There was a soup stock pot with about 2 inches of mold inside. Some things you CANNOT unsee.
So what I am saying is that CW gets a frickin’ GOLD FUCKING STAR for being awesome.
LikeLike
these were some VERY bad dishes… so bad he really should have called the health department. Lemme put it this way — Ti-Jacques had never seen an empty sink.
LikeLike
I’m giddy right now, but it’s more at the thought that I’m not the only one who let’s my dishes pile up to mountain high piles while breaking several bio-hazard health codes! I’m not alone!
LikeLike
Dishes are my nemesis… I really ought to just use paper plates and plastic cups and shit, but then I feel bad about the environment. Not bad enough to stop contaminating the groundwater with my dishes, but sorta bad.
LikeLike
See, my hubs actually does the dishes. That is his chore. And he does it well (he does know how to use the dishwasher). When he has to travel and I have to actually do the dishes, I despise it and really consider just leaving them there for a few days for him to do when he gets back, but then I think how much that would suck for him to walk into the house after being on a plane for hours, with multiple stopovers, and have a sink full of dishes to greet him upon his return, and then I do the sumbitches. Damn I’m an excellent wife! Maybe I need that medal.
LikeLike
aaaaawwww… you’re so much sweeter than I will EVER be!
LikeLike
Hmm, the Hubs will do the dishes but on his timetable (usually at 2 am for some reason, which makes him really cranky the next morning). When I was pregnant with Oldest — early in our marriage — I had morning sickness so bad that I could barely get up or walk without hurling, and doing the dishes was an impossibility. We fought over it (he’s apologized many times since).
I still have fond memories of two of my besties who came over to take me out for lunch after I stopped throwing up every 5 minutes — and they did the dishes. A whole sink full of truly gross dishes. I recently told them how much it meant to me, and they were flabbergasted. It’s just dishes, but it was a big deal in my mind since I was convinced I was gestating the Fly and way too horror-stricken (and sick) to handle chores.
People who do the dishes under these circumstances should get medals.
LikeLike
Doing my dishes under ANY circumstances will earn you my undying love… but THESE nasty-ass dishes — that’s LOOOOOOVE
LikeLike
OK, so I apologize about the comments about my good little grandkittehs trying to off him. Maybe he is redeemable. One time does not a super hero make, though, if you remember DSM making one of your boyfriends – who we found out later really WAS allergic to grass – mow the yard like 7 times until it was right. And he does have one “coupon” I would like for him to expire, if ya know what I mean. But, okay, points for Chuckweasel. The truth is, I do think he is good for you and he makes you laugh. And I do like him. So. Sigh. A public admission.
LikeLike
HA! I win!
LikeLike
Huzzah Chuckweasel! He gets mad props for doing that. I don’t HAVE a dishwasher, so I avoid doing them like the plague, and usually just end up rinsing and re-using one plate in order to not have to do dishes for a month or so. I’m such a lazy bastard.
LikeLike
At least you manage to rinse and reuse… I dirty up everything in the house and leave it in the sink to mutate… until I end up eating soup out of coffee mugs.
LikeLike
Snaps up to the Weas. I need a wife to do some domestic shit for me, yo.
LikeLike
That reminds me of these kick-ass post it notes I got at Target yesterday. They say “I need a wife just like me.” Word.
LikeLike
I know, it was so cool — I went off to work while the wife stayed home and did the dishes! I’m Ward Cleaver!
LikeLike
The Boy does not do dishes, sadly, that is my chore. But that’s because he cooks. And he does put dishes in the dishwasher – and runs it while I’m trying to watch my favorite show.
But yay for CW! Peeing on your cat AND doing the dishes in one week – he is on a roll!
LikeLike
I get dish duty because the man is also my chef- so I guess it’s fair- until you are scraping bechamel off the underside of the cabnets- how does he do these things??
LikeLike
Chuckweasel once told me he could not make a frozen pizza because he did not know how to turn on the oven,.. Needless to say, I cook. And men in the kitchen do usually leave a disaster behind!
LikeLike
J would no sooner do a chore around my house than walk on a moon. Seriously.
Chuckweasel is starting to look good…
LikeLike
Nazis don’t do chores. Except polish their boots and uh… make… soap… (way to go, Hoody, that’s just classy)
LikeLike
I WILL JOIN YOUR MENAGERIE!!!
…there’s booze, right?
LikeLike
as if you even need to ask…
LikeLike
best foreplay EVER!!!
LikeLike
and HE DIDN’T EVEN GET ANY THAT DAY! Whatta doll!
LikeLike