C. Jesus. Her church (yes, her — I’m a fairly equal-opportunity employer) was one of those weird not-really-a-religion joints — you know, they’re not Catholics, they’re not Baptists, they just have a big-ass building and a huge sound system. Anyhoo, she was a perfectly ordinary Presbyterian or something when we met, then she switched to wacko church and they told her… well, you know how they feel about equal-opportunity! So she dumped me for Jesus. Because I’m a sinner. AND she cheated on me with a drummer, but the LORD is the one who actually got me shitcanned.
2. I believe no food exists that cannot be made better with:
C. All of the above. Because my definition of gravy is very broad. Spaghetti sauce is gravy for pasta, hot fudge is gravy for ice cream, dressing is gravy for salad…
3. At the bar, I usually drink:
C. Heavily. Which is bad, I know, but I get sweaty and bitchy and THIRSTY and, well, it IS a bar…
4. Aside from wardrobe constraints, I shave my legs:
C. If I think I may be gettin’ some. But I do admit sometimes they get too poky and prickly and I shave out of anger.
5. I switched my “favorite” NFL team from the Panthers to the Saints because:
3. The fucking Panthers kept making me cry and sit in the bathtub. In the dry bathtub, fully clothed, because they were JUST.SO.BAD. So my Number One team got flipped with my Number 2 team, so I could experience what it felt like to watch an entire game without Kleenex.
As for y’all’s answers… I think we all know why we’re friends. It’s because we’re basically the same person in several bodies… like bees or something… this makes sense, I know it…