You’ll Need a Number 2 Pencil

… ’cause this one’s multiple choice.  And in addition to answering the questions, you’ll also be figuring out MY answers for yourselves this time… Pencils up!

1. The first person I was ever truly in love with left me for:

A.  Another woman

B.  Some dude

C.  Jesus

2.  I believe no food exists that cannot be made better with:

A.  Cheese

B.  Gravy

C.  All of the above.

3.  At the bar, I usually drink:

A.  Beer or wine

B.  Jack and Coke

C.  Heavily

4.  Aside from wardrobe constraints, I shave my legs:

A.  Once a week

B.  Once a month

C.  If I think I may be gettin’ some

5.  I switched my “favorite” NFL team from the Panthers to the Saints because:

1.  The Saints won the SuperBowl that year.

2.  Drew Brees is super hot.

3.  The fucking Panthers kept making me cry and sit in the bathtub.

Alright, y’all!  Your answers and what you THINK are my answers in the comments — LET’S GET IT OOOOOOOON!

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32 Comments

Filed under I Rule You, Jesus and Pals, My Secret Shame(s), Random Thoughts, University Challenge, Youse Guys

32 responses to “You’ll Need a Number 2 Pencil

  1. #2 is definitely C. I love cheese and gravy! Just not together.

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  2. 1. The first person I was ever truly in love with left me for:
    My first boyfriend was gay before me. And after me. Does that count?

    2. I believe no food exists that cannot be made better with:
    Ahhhh, the power of Cheese

    5. I switched my “favorite” NFL team from the Panthers to the Saints because:
    Um, I’ve lived in New England my whole life. We don’t “switch” our favorite teams. We stand by the Pats, whether we have Brady or Bledsoe (and thank fuck for Brady!).

    Like

    • I will forgive you for being a Pats fan (but seriously, fuck Tom Brady right in the ear) because you are awesome. And how the hell did you get aholt of a gay boyfriend? Were you wearing a hat?

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  3. 1) Uh, D. He died.
    2) C, but food is even better if you fry it. All food. Even grapes.
    3) A and C. But not wine. Just beer. Because beer is awesome.
    4) Panthers? Saints? That’s baseball, right?

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    • Jen

      The first person I was ever truly in love with left me for:
      …the fact that he was a soulless ass-hat. Picture Patrick Bergen in the epically crappy Julia Roberts movie (was that redundant?) ‘Sleeping With The Enemy”. . .except I didn’t have to fake my own death. . .and I have better clothes.

      2. I believe no food exists that cannot be made better with:
      . . .someone else cooking it. Thank you!

      3. At the bar, I usually drink:
      . . .A.A. tends to frown on hangin’ out at Happy Hour, so I’m out.

      4. Aside from wardrobe constraints, I shave my legs:
      . . .every day just to piss off the fuck-tard liberal hippies back here in the People’s Republic of Oregon.

      5. I switched my “favorite” NFL team from the Panthers to the Saints because:
      . . .I have no idea who the hell these teams are.

      Like

    • Leauxra — DAYUM, that’s even worse than being dumped for the Lord…
      and Jen — one of my cousins lives in Portland (that’s Cousin Hep, who gets drunk and forgets how chairs work)

      Like

  4. Ok, so I’ma gonna give you my answers and guess about yours? Alrighty then, here goes:

    1. My answer, D. I dumped his ass because I wanted to play the field.
    Your answer, C. Why not Jesus?

    2. My answer, A. Your answer, C. I can totally see you eating cheese and gravy covered fries.

    3. C, for both of us. Beer? Jack and Coke? Phfffft, we can have those at home anytime.

    4. My answer, A. Your answer, C. I shave my legs because I hate poking myself with my leg hairs.

    5. My answer, 1. I don’t follow football. Your answer, 3. You seem like the sorta person who would get annoyed by a team that kept making you cry. Like me, actually.

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  5. I forgot to study, but I’ll give it a shot:
    1. me – A, only plural. Lots of women, project started way before he actually left. Fucker.
    you – Jesus. Some hill-dwelling snake-handler seduced you, and then tossed you aside. Many country songs were written thereafter.

    2. me- A and then A, followed by more A.
    you- C, because you are wise.

    3. me- A, because I am cheap and a lightweight. Now that I’ve entered the part of life where guys run off to the john BEFORE you even sit down next to them, I have to pony up for my own booze. Life is unfair.
    you- B, because you are in show biz and you have a reputation as a wild party animal to maintain. And maybe Jack Daniels gives you an endorsement deal. Sweet.

    4. me- D, with D being “every single fucking day, including a quick stop to the shower when I knew I had to go to the ER.” I am a creature of habit and secretly believe if I keep shaving, eventually not only hair but fat cells will be shed. Yes, I flunked physiology class.
    you- A, because you’re good with the “love me as I am” thing and because gravy and Jack are well-known hair growth inhibitors. Think of those fat guys at the bar… bald, right? I rest my case.
    Ps…. not implying you are bald. Please don’t send Chuckweasel after me.

    5. me- A (or 1?) because everybody loves a winner and because I live where Saints worship is mandatory. I had to sign a loyalty oath just to get my drivers license.
    you- A also, because of B and C. Bathtubs hurt one’s ass after a while, don’t they? I know, oh yes, I do.

    This was a long-ass comment. I do not need more coffee, obviously.

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  6. I’m guessing C on everything….not just because I’m lazy but also because for three questions I actually think the answer is C and then I think you’re trying to trick me into not putting c so I’m voting C on EVERYTHING

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  7. YOU GUYS. Cheesy and gravy HAVE to go together. For Canadian Poutine. If you are not familiar, for CHRISSAKES Google that shit, man. So tasty you might die. Of orgasmic deliciousness and/or clogged arteries.

    The first person I ever fell in love with has not yet left me (Awwwww)

    I get the sense most of your answers might be C…

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  8. I simply can not believe that anyone would leave you unless it was for Jesus. Jesus has real good voodoo, ’cause of, you know, his Daddy and all.

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  9. Ok, your answers: all C

    My answers: all A

    I’m feeling very boring right now. But I face the concept of having to sit in traffic for the next 2 hours trying to get out of a city that has closed all it’s roads to create a goddamn racetrack, so I don’t have time to be witty right now and have to go sit in the hell that is my car. Wish me luck. *bastards stupid city idiots – mumbles under breath* Ciao!

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  10. Drew BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

    That’s all I got. It was a long night and a longer day, and if I don’t either get some caffeine, booze, or something fried, it ain’t gonna be perty. Sonic, anyone? Because then I can get something fried,awesome ice, caffeine, and I can put my own booze in it. That’s winning, dammit.

    Like

  11. Hey, this is just like a school report card, where it’s mostly Cs except when it’s a D.

    Mine: D for the first one, I do the leaving, but the only one that left me was for another female.
    The last one is a 4, I have no idea who those teams or people are. The rest are Cs.

    For you? I think it’s Cs all the way to the 3.

    Like

  12. Barb

    B,C,B,C,C.

    And I effing HATE when my cactus legs stick together and poke each other when it’s hot and I’m trying to sleep… it makes me stabby! (But not stabby enough to go shave, ’cause I’m lazy above all else.)

    Like

  13. Hoody, I love you and your interactive quizzles.

    1. The first person I was ever truly in love with left me for:
    C. Jesus- I wasn’t “good” enough for his dumb ass cause I’m, y’know, a freaking pastafarian.

    2. I believe no food exists that cannot be made better with:
    A. Cheese- because Gravy does NOT belong on spaghetti.

    3. At the bar, I usually drink:
    B. Jack and Coke- Like a G

    4. Aside from wardrobe constraints, I shave my legs:
    C. If I think I may be gettin’ some- which translates to never.

    5. I switched my “favorite” NFL team from the Panthers to the Saints because:
    3. The fucking Panthers kept making me cry and sit in the bathtub. (this is my guess for you. I am not a fan of either team cause I bleed silver and black, tyvm)

    Yours? I guess A, C, B, B, 3

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  14. Jen

    It was the same for me at first too. Then, after bonding with my African American sistahs who use the ‘N-Word’ liberally amongst themselves, they informed me that you can talk ALL THE SMACK YOU WANT as long as you belong to that group. Henceforth, my friend John can call himself a ‘fag’ but I cant, my friend Juels can call herself a dyke but I can’t, and my friend Erin can call herself a ‘Chomg’ but cant. . .but the bitch STILL can’t drive. I’m just sayin’. . .and I can totally call myself a snarky cunt but no one can. . .oh, yeah. . .actually ANYONE can call me one. . .never mind. . .

    Like

    • I get to make jewish jokes by virtue of having a jewish grandmother, although to be honest, I’m usually making jewish grandmother jokes anyway, so that’s covered twice. It’s one of the only perks of actually having a jewish grandmother… it helps compensate for the guilt trips.

      My problem with the bitches thing is that when I say it, it kind of sounds like Julie Andrews saying it, and that’s kind of wrong.

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  15. Pingback: How’s the Wife & Kids? | hoodyhoo

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