Ask Me No Questions…

… I’ll tell you no lies… well, actually, I’ll probably lie anyway if I think you’ll buy it.  Anyhoo, let’s get to know Hoody, shall we?

1.  You see a bright flash of light.  Do you look?  Hell, no — child of the 80’s, I know it’s the freakin’ Russians.

2.  You win the big money Lotto.  Do you quit your job?  The real job, fuck yeah.  The DJ stuff… maybe not.

3.  Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks?  Neither, they’re both gross.  I do, however, love to sing the “Beanie Weenie” song.

4.  If you could change anything about your body, what would it be?  I want tight abs.  But these will have to happen due to magic, not exercise.  ‘Cause Hoody don’t play dat.

5.  You’re bored.  What do you do?  Read, watch TV, or both… or dance around the house like a crazy person doing my “routines.”

6.  Something weird is on you.  How do you identify it?  Unfortunately, I usually lick it.  I am all too aware this is NOT a good idea.

7.  Worst habit?  Nail biting and/or picking.  And, no, that nail polish that tastes nasty doesn’t work, I just get used to it.

8.  Most ridiculous fear?  Dolls with teeth, nutcrackers, and therefore, midgets.  I’m SORRY, I’m WORKING ON IT!

9.  Go get your iPod and hit “Shuffle.”  What plays?  “Break on Through” by The Doors (and yes, I do sing the lyrics as “break on THOO”)

10.  Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender?  Of course, every 28 days or so!  And also, so I could FINALLY use the insult, “How’s your wife and my kids?”

Alright, Hoody’s Hooligans… it’s your turn.  Answers in the comments, and tomorrow is multiple choice!

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50 Comments

Filed under I Rule You, La Vida Loca, My Secret Shame(s), Random Thoughts, University Challenge, Youse Guys

50 responses to “Ask Me No Questions…

  1. 1.  You see a bright flash of light.  Do you look?  No. It is not the Russians, though, it is a monster version of a lure fish and it is so going to get me. Or aliens. Honestly, I can’t think of ONE GOOD THING it could be. Maybe it IS the Russians.
    2.  You win the big money Lotto.  Do you quit your job?  Fuck. Yes.
    3.  Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks?  I refuse to answer that question under the advice of my lawyer.
    4.  If you could change anything about your body, what would it be?  I have always wished I was a natural red head. But not like the Weasleys in the Harry Potter movies. Kool-Aid red.
    5.  You’re bored.  What do you do? I am never bored. Except sometimes at work.
    6.  Something weird is on you.  How do you identify it?  I don’t. I scream and jump up and down shouting “GET IT THE FUCK OFF ME!”
    7.  Worst habit?  Passing gas in conference rooms. I can’t help it. They make me nervous.
    8.  Most ridiculous fear?  Spiders. They are 1/10000th my mass, and I still scream like a little girl, what the hell is wrong with me?
    9.  Go get your iPod and hit “Shuffle.”  What plays?  “Pumped up Kicks” by Foster the People. This is not surprising because I JUST bought the album.
    10.  Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender?  Nope. I like being a girl. If I weren’t a girl, I would have to be a GUY. Seriously. No.

    Like

  2. I don’t think anyone wants to know me THAT well but here goes….

    1. Of course I look. That’s how I know it’s a bright flash of light. Duh. Whether or not I investigate, on the other hand, really depends. Bright flash of light in a creepy abandoned house? Ain’t going there.

    2. My primary job is Mom. I don’t know how to outsource that. Scratch that — I don’t trust anyone else enough. I’d spend the money on stuff that makes my job more bearable, like fabric and books and duct tape.

    3. Franks and beans. My taste buds were destroyed in college.

    4. I’d like slim thighs, thankyouverymuch. Also to stop breaking out like a teenager. I thought that was supposed to go away in your thirties.

    5. Read, watch TV, surf the net (often all at once) or sew.

    6. Sniff. I have a hypersensitive sense of smell. Then if I can’t identify it, freak out — I hate having random effluvia on me.

    7. Do I have to pick just one? Err….probably the tendency to flip my shit when things don’t go according to schedule or expectations. I’m working on it. Alcohol helps.

    8. I get creeped out by clothes that stretch too much. They make me feel like my body has no boundaries and might just melt into a puddle of goo. I’m afraid of leggings, essentially. Yes, I know that’s weird.

    9. “No Time to Cry,” by Sisters of Mercy.

    10. All the freaking time. Guys have it made. Although, I have to point out that if I was a guy I would be as gay as the day is long. I ain’t giving up sewing and sex with men.

    Like

  3. 1. You see a bright flash of light. Do you look? As much as I’d like to say no, because I have a tendency to react before thinking, Probably. And then as I’m getting sucked up into the alien aircraft by tractor beam, I’m cussing myself out.

    2. You win the big money Lotto. Do you quit your job? Since I currently am waiting for someone to decide whether or not I am granted an interview, I don’t have a job to quit. I won’t quit my mom/maid job, although I suppose HIRING someone to do those things is quite appealing.

    3. Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks? To EAT? Ew. But I do like saying Franks and Beans like the brother on There’s Something About Mary.

    4. If you could change anything about your body, what would it be? I would have smaller, less Fred Flinstone-y feet so I could wear cute strappy shoes that cost more than my family’s monthly food budget. I’m sure I’d probably fall and break both feet, resulting in having swollen Fred Flintstone-y feet again, but that’s because Karma is a bitch and no one should spend that much on shoes in the first place, and vanity is a SIN.

    5. You’re bored. What do you do? I’m addicted to Pinterest, so you can find me there. Or reading something that has nothing to do with school. Like smut.

    6. Something weird is on you. How do you identify it? Eh, I don’t. I just assume that it is a booger or snot or some other kid-generated schmagma and find a baby wipe (because they clean EVERYTHING) and wait for the next grossness to appear.

    7. Worst habit? I am a procrastinator of the highest degree. And I’m not okay with it. But I can’t stop. Help?

    8. Most ridiculous fear? That every bridge I drive over is going to collapse. I literally have to talk myself through it. I’m not a huge fan of overpasses, either.

    9. Go get your iPod and hit “Shuffle.” What plays? Well, since my iPod has been hijacked by the little, it’s full of kids’ music. The song that popped up was “I’m a Mess” by Laurie Berkner, which, in all honesty, is rather appropriate and spot on.

    10. Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender? Absolutely – I’ve been trying to pee standing up since I could stand up, and I don’t do failure. Also, being able to pee in a pop bottle while traveling instead of stopping at a creepy wooded rest stop would be fantastic. Add being abducted and chainsawed at a creepy wooded rest stop to number 8, wouldja? Thanks.

    Like

    • I’m with ya on the bridge thing — if it’s narrow enough that I can see the water, I’d really rather not, thanks. And I promise to help you with your procrastination… later.

      Like

  4. 1. Bright Flash of light?…NO, Run run…its the aliens.
    2. Lotto…HELL yes I quit my ‘day’ job… and get to gettin on my photography job.
    3. Franks beans?… I don’t like franks beans! YOINK!
    4. Body Changes…its HARD to improve on perfection…WHAT??? Round is a perfect shape! Look at it this way, it would be hard to kidnap me (refer to question #1).
    5. bored? I clean my house and then watch the kids destroy it behind me.
    6. Something weird is on me? I tell Rob to roll over your on me again. Then I disinfect myself!
    7. Worst habit… eating…good golly i like me some bad food…working on that… see question #4!
    8. Most ridiculous fear! being judged..poorly… yes im an attention whore.
    9. Ipod Suffle…can’t my kids touched it and now it can’t be found… CRAP! Its probably where the charging cord is. It would most likely be Adele Someone like you.
    10. Gender switching! HELL YES… I would change once a month, at child birth time, and to pee in the snow!

    Like

    • THAT WOULD BE SOOOOO COOL! Men would dread the words “Honey, I’m pregnant” even more than they already do! And just so you know, Frank is now crying over what you said about his beans. That was just uncalled for.

      Like

  5. Okay, the only interesting answer I have is to question #8. I’m over it now, but for about 15-20 years I was afraid of cherry vanilla ice cream. When I was a kid, I had my tonsils out, and I managed to convince one of the nurses to give me ice cream before I was allowed to eat solid food (my argument was that hey, it’s milk). The ice cream she gave me was cherry vanilla, and the cherries were frozen solid with these sharp jagged edges. Being betrayed by ice cream like that was pretty traumatic.

    Like

    • And this is why we’re friends. I am afraid of popsicles on sticks (they’re TOO frozen or something), so I only eat Freezer Pops, Otter Pops, etc.

      Like

      • Barb

        In those $1 bins at Target, they have boxes of Slush Puppies freezer pop things. They are AWESOME because they don’t fully freeze, they get really slushy. Two thumbs up. (Avoid the A&W Root Beer ones, they are no bueno)

        Like

  6. Barb

    1. You see a bright flash of light. Do you look? Probably. I’m dumb like that.
    2. You win the big money Lotto. Do you quit your job? Oh hell yes.
    3. Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks? I’ll pass.
    4. If you could change anything about your body, what would it be? The whole package – also by magic.
    5. You’re bored. What do you do? Clock out and go home. :o)
    6. Something weird is on you. How do you identify it? *flick* or scream like a psycho.
    7. Worst habit? Shoving stuff in my eating hole.
    8. Most ridiculous fear? Midgets & brown recluse spiders. If I ever saw one on a midget I’d probably shit myself and run.
    9. Go get your iPod and hit “Shuffle.” What plays? Umm.. “Magic dance” from Labyrinth. Shut up, don’t judge me!
    10. Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender? Yes, the world is their bathroom.

    Like

  7. Joey

    First off….Don’t hate cuz of my name. I am a GIRL! Just not so lucky when my parents named me is all…(Yeah I feel like I have to essplaain this EVERY time I go to a new site)

    1. You see a bright flash of light. Do you look? It’s Freakin Poltergeist Peeps…..Carol Anne – listen to me. Do NOT go into the light. Stop where you are. Turn away from it. Don’t even look at it…
    2. You win the big money Lotto. Do you quit your job? Hellzzz Yeah
    3. Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks? I don’t like anyone who’s name is Frank and I’m certainly not interested in Frank’s Beans…
    4. If you could change anything about your body, what would it be? I want tight thighs/ass (no wigglyy jigglyy shit)…Yeah, Good luck with that (freakin gymlazy as helllll)
    5. You’re bored. What do you do? I have 4 kiddehhhhs (all boys at that) and a wackadoodle husband to boot (or be booted..hmmm)… What does BORED mean??
    6. Something weird is on you. How do you identify it? Brush it off, examine it…and possibly burn it at the stake. (Yeah I have boys…) this stuff is for AMATUERS
    7. Worst habit? I’m a freakin’ pushover or we’ll say SUCKER is more like it!! Working on this… being a BEEIOTCH seems to work way better
    8. Most ridiculous fear? Clowns freak me out (esp. clown porn)
    9. Go get your iPod and hit “Shuffle.” What plays? Bye Bye Love, The Cars
    10. Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender? NEVER!! Why would anyone want a cock and balls? hanging at that??

    BONUS::: This is a FANTASTIC way to waste time at work…Lovin this blog! I found it through Oh Noa (of course searching blogs at work because thats the only time I have for this kinda shit…) Hey, It breaks up the day. Word.

    Like

    • A million welcomes! and I think I have a couple of boy-type people who think I’m amusing, so no hatin’! And yet another person making Frank cry? Y’all bitches is mean.
      Also, I am constantly badgering Chuckweasel with ball-related questions, like don’t they bother you, are you always constantly aware of them moving, etc.

      Like

      • HA I ask Rob ball questions all the time to..like…when you walk how is it they dont get cought in your legs and get pulled up and out the back?? I don’t get it…

        Don’t they hurt hanging there all day?

        don’t you get tired of having them rubbing on your legs?

        He shakes his head at me… I really don’t get it… Boobs at least (MOST of us) keep in some kind of over the shoulder contraption to keep them contained…

        OHHH HOODY…I just thought of a great busness venture… BRA’s for BALLS!

        Like

  8. 1. You see a bright flash of light. Do you look?
    Hell, YES— child of the 80′s – it could be ET!

    2. You win the big money Lotto. Do you quit your job?
    Job? What job? Dude, I’m a WRITER!

    3. Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks?
    Neither, they both make me think of the Ham and Beans Supper at the church my parents made me go to as kids. Jesus spit on hat with soupy beans. Yum.

    4. If you could change anything about your body, what would it be?
    It wouldn’t be so sick all the time.

    5. You’re bored. What do you do?
    Prank call all my friends at their *real* jobs.

    6. Something weird is on you. How do you identify it?
    Flick it towards the cat and see if she’ll eat it.

    7. Worst habit?
    Nail biting, finger biting, hand munching.

    8. Most ridiculous fear?
    Dolls, clowns, being locked in an abandoned mental institution, CLOWN DOLLS INSIDE A LOCKED AND ABANDONED MENTAL INSTITUTION!

    9. Go get your iPod and hit “Shuffle.” What plays?
    “You Know I’m No Good”, Amy Winehouse (and it fits too scary perfect in my life right now, damn IPod).

    10. Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender?
    Every time I have to pee and I’m in the car, which is usually every time I’m in the car.

    Like

  9. 1. You see a bright flash of light. Do you look?
    Sweet Baby Jesus, it IS the Russians! “Wolveriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines!”
    2. You win the big money Lotto. Do you quit your job?
    Pfft! I’d quit my job for a $10 off coupon for Applebees.
    3. Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks?
    Heh-heh-heh. . .Hoody said ‘weenie’. . .heh-heh!
    4. If you could change anything about your body, what would it be?
    To have Bradley Cooper on top of it.
    5. You’re bored. What do you do?
    Invent new ways to torment my neighbors.
    6. Something weird is on you. How do you identify it?
    Ask him his name and “What the @#$% happened last night?”
    7. Worst habit?
    Posting on blogs while I’m at work.
    8. Most ridiculous fear?
    Clowns are some kinda eff-ed up shit, yo.
    9. Go get your iPod and hit “Shuffle.” What plays?
    Nicki Minaj’s “Superbass” (yes, I’m a 40 year old white girl…judge if you must
    10. Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender?
    Yeah. It’d be nice to have zero accountability and a vapid sense of entitlement for the day

    Like

    • it’s my favorite goddamn insult and it makes no sense when I use it! Also when I say I don’t have any kids… THAT I KNOW OF, nudge nudge. Doesn’t work for a chick! People just look at me weird. Okay, weirder.

      Like

  10. Ok, fine. I’ll play . . .

    1. You see a bright flash of light. Do you look? NO! My Eyes! My Eyes!

    2. You win the big money Lotto. Do you quit your job? Well, you have to play to win, but in some magical world where I bought a ticket? Abso-fucking-lutely! I might quit even without the money at this point.

    3. Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks? Well, if we’re in Something About Mary, then yes, Franks & Beans. In real life for eating purposes? No, yuck you very much.

    4. If you could change anything about your body, what would it be? Oh god, do you have an hour? Well, if I have to say ONE thing, I would say a smaller ass. That sucker is creeping up on me and is the size of Texas. Scared the hell out of me the other day when I saw it back there. Damn.

    5. You’re bored. What do you do? Bored? What is that? Ok, I watch TV, read or peruse blogs.

    6. Something weird is on you. How do you identify it? “HON??? What the fuck is this thing on me????”

    7. Worst habit? Eating things that are not good for me and/or fattening. Cannot stop though. Hence the large ass. See #4.

    8. Most ridiculous fear? Having my brakes fail all of a sudden. I have nightmares about it on a regular basis.

    9. Go get your iPod and hit “Shuffle.” What plays? I am at work and don’t have it here, but I’m sure something completely weird and embarassing, let’s leave it at that.

    10. Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender? Hell yeah . . . when I had my 2 kids, when I had to breast feed every night for a year (combined kids) and pump at work (TMI? Sorry), when I want to pee somewhere without bathrooms, end of every month, when I hear the word “mommy” for the 27 billionty time . . . oh the list is endless.

    Like

    • I’ve had my power steering go out (ex fiance cut the line, I can’t prove it, but I know he did it) on the INTERSTATE, so I’m with ya on the brakes thing — car failure in general is BAD. And my ass is getting so big I keep thinking someone’s following me.

      Like

  11. 1. You see a bright flash of light. Do you look? Well yeah! Gotta make sure a meteor isn’t about to land on my head, you know.
    2. You win the big money Lotto. Do you quit your job? And how the hell else am I going to keep up on my people watching, eh? Cause loitering in random stores all day will tend to get the cops called on you.
    3. Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks? Neither, they’re both gross. I do, however, love to sing the “Beanie Weenie” song. (I’m keeping your answer here, Hoody. You took the words out from under my fingers).

    4. If you could change anything about your body, what would it be? I’d be skinny. Or shorter. Cause amazon bitches stick out like sore thumbs, and I’d love to not have to go to a specialty store to buy pants.

    5. You’re bored. What do you do? Go Fupa hunting. It’s fun. One time I saw an orca beached on a very large rock. Wait.. not the marine type, either.
    6. Something weird is on you. How do you identify it? Depending on the size… throw it on the ground and see if the dogs eat it, smell it, or simply give it to the dog.
    7. Worst habit? I don’t think my multiple vices can be ranked according to “worst”. I’m pretty sure I’m going to spontaneously combust in the near future.
    8. Most ridiculous fear? FUCKING BIRDS. Those little flying shitballs are trying to kill me, I swear to god. No one believes me, but it’s true. I even had a seagull fly in my car window one time. Fucking commies.
    9. Go get your iPod and hit “Shuffle.” What plays? “Numb”- Disturbed. Quite appropriate I think.
    10. Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender? Only when my vagina is trying to kill me, so yeah, about once a month.

    Like

  12. Dear Sweet Mama

    1. Look at the light – come to the light – liiiigggghhhht. What was the question? I am under my desk because there was a flash of light.
    2. Not working – so – no. But I would quit laying around as much and spend money more. On an island. After flying there on my own private plane.
    3. NOOOOOO!!!! Though I do like an occassional serving of weenie delight. Even though that sounds kinda pervie.
    4. Probably my feet. I think they are very unattractive. Or – I know – my
    heart and all it’s messes!!! Hey, good answer. Though I still don’t like my feet. Can I change more than one thing?
    5. Bored – read, sleep, make fun of other people (I am deeply shamed).
    6. Unfortunately, you get the licking thing from me.
    7. I am a bossy know-it-all on occassion who thinks she is too good for the
    workin’ man. And I continually work on it. Better than anyone else. So there.
    8. Midgets freak me out. I feel bad about it. Not real fond of heights but always want to spit off the tallest thing around. Sad.

    Like

  13. Oh, how fun!

    1. You see a bright flash of light. Do you look? No, it’s probably just another flashback.

    2. You win the big money Lotto. Do you quit your job? Yes, but I would still do some of it for fun to help people. If it wasn’t fun, then I wouldn’t do it.

    3. Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks? Just beans. I gave up hotdogs.

    4. If you could change anything about your body, what would it be? I want tight abs. But these will have to happen due to magic, not exercise. ‘Cause Hoody don’t play dat. <<— What she said.

    5. You’re bored. What do you do? Read, meditate, surf the web, Facebook.

    6. Something weird is on you. How do you identify it? I kill it and then look at what's left. The point is to get it off me, identification is secondary – at best.

    7. Worst habit? Complaining. Especially since I have it so good.

    8. Most ridiculous fear? Bugs on me. But then again that's not a ridiculous fear. It is not!

    9. Go get your iPod and hit “Shuffle.” What plays? Mediation music.

    10. Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender? Of course, every 28 days or so! And also, so I could FINALLY use the insult, “How’s your wife and my kids?” <<<—- HAAAHAAA What she said! (I hadn't heard that one!)

    Like

  14. I want a redo on #3…
    Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks? Just beans. I gave up Franks.

    Like

  15. 1. You see a bright flash of light. Do you look? If the light is sparkly, I don’t think there’s a choice. I’m much like the cats in that way.

    2. You win the big money Lotto. Do you quit your job? This job – yes. But I’d use the money to start the business for which I have the plan, but not the guts to go into without any savings (stupid double house payments).

    3. Franks and Beans or Beans and Franks? All I can think about is “There’s Something About Mary,” and I can’t help thinking that answering this question would be dirty.

    4. If you could change anything about your body, what would it be? I would like a jawline. My neck muscles connect to my chin – even if I was skinny, I still wouldn’t have a jawline. Thus, I covet the jawlines of people around me…it’s my favorite feature of The Boy’s.

    5. You’re bored. What do you do? There’s too much crap buzzing around in my head to be bored. But I read, watch TV and play with the cats in order to ignore the buzzing crap. Maybe head to the workbench to bend some metal.

    6. Something weird is on you. How do you identify it? Examine, memorize, then google.

    7. Worst habit? Procrastinating. I work best under frantic deadlines.

    8. Most ridiculous fear? Fire. Ridiculous because I’m a metalsmith. Caused by my 2nd grade teacher having us send cards to a little girl who’s camping trailer caught on fire and her nylon sleeping bag MELTED to her. What. The. Hell.

    9. Go get your iPod and hit “Shuffle.” What plays? Right now my iPod won’t shuffle because I’m listening to “The Help” audiobook in my car and my car has overridden the controls on da pod.

    10. Do you ever wish you were the opposite gender? Only if I could be gay. Because dating women would suck. We’re crazy.

    Like

    • Why does every elementary school have at least one horrific tragic THING that the teachers INSIST on dwelling on??? THEY’RE CHILDREN, FFS! And amen to #10 — bitches be crazy, yo.

      Like

  16. 1. You see a bright flash of light, do you look? Please don’t probr me! Please don’t probe me!
    2. Lotto win, quit your job? What?! Lose thedaily satisfaction of working in a real life soap opera?
    3. Franks and beans or beansand Franks? Nexium and a milk chaser, barkeeper!
    4.if I could change anything about my body? Phooey! I will always work the carnival strip!
    5.you are bored… plot, curse my fate, eat directly from the pantry
    6.something weird is on me… under the guise of cuddling, rub it on the husband
    7. Worst habit…enjoying my worst habits
    8.ridiculous fear…midgets…fingers so sausagey!? I can’t sit thru willow without a Valium.
    9.iPod shuffle… puppini sisters~heart of glass
    10.wish u werethe other gender? Gracious no. Too much ungainly external parts and drain stopping. Meh.

    Like

  17. Pingback: How’s the Wife & Kids? | hoodyhoo

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