This post idea came to me from a conversation with Chuckweasel, who has nothing to do when his cable goes out because he does not read. He swears the last book he read was “Runaway Ralph” in the 3rd grade. I’m not entirely sure that’s a joke. Which I find weird, because I myself read EVERYWHERE. Even on the toilet.
Yes, THE MAN is at it again, my brothas and sistahs, trying to keep us DOWN with his VILE TRICKERY!
Here’s the Mike Sorentino: Everyone’s all got their panties in a wad about Kindles and iPads and what-have-you so they can read electronic books. That’s good, I want uneducated fucktards to read every chance they get, in the hopes they may someday develop a dual-lobed brain. But therein lies the TRICK.
See, if everybody gets them a Kindle, they won’t be buying real BOOKS. And you know what you need to read a real book? A light source and eyes (or just fingers, if you’re blind… but if you’re blind, how are you reading this?).
You know what you need to read a Kindle? ELECTRICITY.
So if you buy a Kindle, you’re basically making yourself the power company’s bitch (even more than we all already are). Batteries don’t last forever… and do you even have a deck of real cards to play Solitaire anymore? And if you ever want a NEW Kindle book, you’re gonna have to pay that Internet bill, too.
This also crosses over into the OnDemand on the TV. Now, I love me some OnDemand, because I notice I really don’t watch the movies I own, so it’s cheaper this way. BUT… if you don’t pay the cable, you’re stuck with YOUR movies… which include such classics as “Lair of the White Wyrm” (on VHS, bitches!) and “Weekend at Bernie’s.” Even the stuff you “taped” on the DVR while you still HAD cable… nope, can’t have that either. FUCKERS.
So all this technology that is supposed to make life easier/better/more fun is actually just yet another way for THE MAN to make sure all us happy workers keep paying our bills. BUT I AM ONTO YOU, “THE MAN!” I will read real books by candlelight and watch every episode of “Firefly” AGAIN if I don’t have the money you want! I am FREE!
But when my service/power/whatever goes out due to something YOU did? Fucking fix that shit, what is this, Guam?