The Talking Cure

This is gonna be a short one, ’cause everybody is either fired, quit, or on vacation except me (yes, virtually the only person here is the one who had the nervous breakdown not 2 weeks ago!).  But I had to let y’all know I’m meeting the therapist for the first time today, so we’ll see how that goes.  I’m still not sure whether or not to tell her I yelled “FUCK” in the Walmart yesterday (actually, in context, it was “I hate this FUCKING Walmart!” because Chuckweasel made me go to a Walmart that is not my “home” Walmart — more on that later as well).  It was a legitimate use of the word, so I don’t think it’s Tourrette’s.

Anyhoo, wish me luck!  If I’m not back tomorrow, come running with the keys to the straitjacket!

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27 Comments

Filed under Chuckweasel, I'm Confused, Just Call Me Beavis, La Vida Loca, White Man's Medicine

27 responses to “The Talking Cure

  1. I hate going to any store that’s not my normal store. Everything should be laid out exactly the same!

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  2. Good luck Hoody!! I’ve got the keys to mine . . . do you think they are universal? If so, I’ll be right over.

    Never wrong to shout that you hate the Fucking Walmart. Whether the home on or not, I believe that phrase is always appropriate.

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    • I always carry a handcuff key for that very reason… wonder if it’s the same? And if I can make it through the Walmart without swearing AT LEAST once, they’ve upped my meds too much!

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  3. LeeAnn

    You’ve got more balls than I do. I’d rather eat my own head than go talk to a therapist. I don’t do face-to-face with anyone well, but with someone who wants me to tell the truth about stuff and be “open”? No thanks. Don’t do “open” either.
    And what you yelled is actually the mating call of intelligent people forced to even be at WalMars.

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    • I was the same way, but Poor Ol’ Dad convinced me to see the woman he went to when HE was crazy (I get it from both sides, ya know!) and he promised she wouldn’t give me a lot of BS… and she didn’t so I’ll give it a shot! And I did notice other people looking at me, but it was in a “NOT ONE OF US…” sort of way… no intelligent life there!

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  4. My therapy helped me a lot, but it didn’t stop me from yelling “FUCK” in Walmart AT ALL.

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  5. Dear Sweet Mama

    Good news – I was at the Walmart here last night, and there are no signs up banning you from Walmarts everywhere. I hate it too – it is so not set up like “mine” back home. We are currently in a stage of acute homesickness – miss our garden, our good shower, our stuff – but, with liquor, I feel confident that we will pull through.

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  6. Seriously, Walmart: YOU ARE A CHAIN. ORGANIZE YOUR SHIT THE SAME IN EVERY STORE. Or prepare to suffer the consequences.

    What those are, I’m not exactly sure.

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    • My point EXACTLY! I learned (“from watching “Memphis Belle,” but that’s not important) that the whole POINT of chain anythings is to put the customer AT EASE. I am not at ease, Walmart!

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  7. I, too, find it a sign of sanity that you said the f word in the WalMart parking lot. I also said that word in the parking lot of WalMart yesterday, but our conversation went like this:

    Lori: WalMart is crazy this time of day.
    Me: Why the f— are we going to WalMart anyway.
    Lori: I saw uniform type clothing here the other day.
    Me: Why the f— were you in WalMart the other day?
    Lori: To get uniform type clothing.
    Me: I hate f—ing WalMart. We should look in the sewing department which, sadly, I know is down this aisle and on the right.

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  8. I hate this F-ing Walmart is a perfectly reasonable thing to yell. And I also hate it when chain stores rearrange their stuff. Seriously, peeps, I am not shopping here for mental exercise to stave off dementia. I’m shopping here because I’m in a hurry and on autopilot. Stop unnecessarily complicating my life.

    Also, what’s with the inexplicable difference in the quality of said chain stores? Why is the Target in X affluent community so much better than the Target in Y also affluent community? Is there a really compelling reason why one Old Navy is awesome and another one sucks balls? Inquiring minds want to know.

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    • I KNOW! Dear Sweet Mama used to live in Baltimore, and one of their Kohl’s had these really pretty business-y type clothes and the other one had just crap. WHY ARE YOU EVEN A CHAIN???

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  9. Good luck today. There’s nothing wrong with shouting “I hate this fucking Walmart”; however, I’m concerned about the fact that there’s apparently a Walmart you go to where you don’t shout that.

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    • I hate Chuckweasel’s Walmart SO much that I’ve developed an appreciation for my own Walmart… that’s how bad his Walmart is.

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      • Man. An appreciation for Walmart. I never thought I would experience the day someone would utter that phrase. At least someone with more than 4 teeth in their whole head anyway. Maybe you really DO need that therapy . . .

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  10. I’ve been hearing straight jackets are the new black…

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  11. I always go to the bigger chains in the better class of mall, their demographic means that you get the better class of mass produced Made In China shit.

    Hoody, why is it bad that you swore in Walmart? Is swearing a big deal in the US? Or is there something I don’t know about the story, like you also had a sawn off shotgun, or an AK47? Because if that’s the case, sure, tell the therapist about the swearing, always admit to the lower offense to take their attention away from the bigger one.

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    • I think the little l’ lady at the other end of the aisle may have been shocked by my profanity, but you know what? Fuck her. If she don’t like it, she can turn down her hearing aid!

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      • This whole pseudo ‘decency’ thing drives me nuts. If you want to be decent, don’t bitch about language, there’s far more objectionable things that people do compared to swearing.

        Like rearranging the fucking shelves at my local supermarket every fucking month. Trust me, a woman who is bleeding from one or many orifices does not need to where’s fucking waldo every month just to find out where they’ve hidden the damn ‘feminine hygiene products’. Put them up the front, next to the chocolate biscuits, tissues, hot water bottles and aspirin. Oh, and stop putting the cat food next to the rat poison. One day someone is going to get lazy and feed fluffy from the box with the skull and cross bones instead.

        Fucking supermarkets.

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  12. C’mon, get the straightjacket, then we can take over the world.

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  13. Pingback: The F***ing Walmart | hoodyhoo

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