Well, we all know that means there’s good news and bad news, right? So, I’ll start with the good news:
THERE IS ACTUALLY A CUTE O’CONNELL.
Now, I may be all alone here, but I have never been able to get “into” Jerry O’Connell. Number 1, I can’t forget he’s the fat kid from “Stand by Me;” number 2, he looks like he’s about 17 years old, and Hoody don’t play that; and number 3 — he’s got Rebecca Romijn cooties on him, and she’s got John Stamos cooties on HER, so do the math.
But last night I found out there’s ANOTHER O’Connell brother — Charlie. He was in this terrible giant squid movie on the Sci-Fi Channel (I refuse to use “Syfy” because I’m not a pretentious douche), but the point is, he’s the younger brother, but he looks like an actual adult. Plus he obviously doesn’t take himself too seriously if he can be in crapfests like “Kraken.”
Now, the bad news… as we all know, I have a deep-seated and all-encompassing fear of midgets (yes, I know you’re not supposed to say midget. I am nothing if not NOT P/C.). I feel terrible about it, but there’s nothing I can do — I even try to “fix” myself by watching “Little People, Big World” and shit like that, but nothing helps. UNTIL NOW.
My name is Hoody Hoo… and I have a crush on Tyrion Lannister.
Yes, he’s the little dwarf brother from “Game of Thrones.” No, I don’t know the actor’s name, it’s the character I’m talking about. So apparently I can get past someone being a midget if you’re also a huge smartass whose every word is an epitome of snark. Plus, he likes the whores, so I think he’d appreciate my job as Deputy Pimp.
So, is it weird? Do you have any secret actor/actress/fictional character crushes everyone else thinks are disturbing? Pre-pussified Eric Northman doesn’t count, that’s just logic.