STGD Day, Part Deux

Alright, this is it, y’all.  Imma gwinter wrap up these damn vacation posts TO-FUCKIN’-DAY. 

So, when we last left Our Intrepid Heroine, our travellers were attempting to get their shit together for an early-bird deal on dinner.  Now, those of you who have followed our previous adventures may see where this is going… there is no way in hell this is going to happen.  Hoody’s lack of give-a-shit is a familial trait, plus trying to get this crew organized to do ANYTHING in under 3 hours is purt near impossible… but there’s the rub. 

The Hoo Family all KNOW this about ourselves… even ECA’s Backup and Cousin’s Wife have been Hoo Family adjacent long enough that we’ve infected them, too.  But Dear Sweet Mama’s Poor Concubine has resisted… and was raised by people who could actually, like, PLAN things… and so when we all decide we’re going to get the seated-by-4:30 special, SHE ACTUALLY BELIEVES THIS WILL OCCUR.

Therefore, as our party is moseying toward our vehicles at about 10-after4… TC is getting het up.  DSM and Hoody are fairly sure we’ll still make it… the restaurant in question is not far, after all.  But more importantly, WE JUST DON’T GIVE A SHIT.  But when this opinion is expressed, TC LOSES HER MIND.  To the point where DSM almost made her STAY HOME FROM DINNER (this is DSM’s strategy for dealing with anyone who is recalcitrant — children, significant others, police — if you act up, you don’t get to go).  It was kinda like having the bad little sister I never had — I have to admit, part of me was singing the “nanny-nanny-boo-boo” song about TC being in trouble instead of me!  But she straightened up and was allowed to eat with the grown folks, so all was mended.  And when we got back from dinner I had to help clean out the fridge by drinking all the liquor, so that was good.

Day 7 was fairly bland — just the packing up and getting out, plus a couple of small Hoody-vs-The Concubine battles on the drive home (I told y’all, I annoy the BEJEEZUS outta her, and for some reason I JUST. CAN’T. STOP.)  Then we returned to Casa de Hoody to discover A) the cuteness that is Ti-Jacques!  and B) that Poor Ol’ Dad (Official cat-sitter to the Hoo Household because he works just up the road) had been sweet enough to clean the catboxes… but had then put the trash bags full of cat litter in THE BATHTUB.  And this is not the first time he has done this.  The man is WEIRD — I mean, he carries the cat litter FURTHER to put it in the bathtub than he would to put it by the door to go out.  The mind boggles, but Hoody loves her (possibly insane) daddy!

Tomorrow I’ll be putting together all the recipes y’all have been clamoring for… and if you’re good, I might throw in the Chicken Mushroom Chowder I made up over the weekend!  The sucking up begins….. NOW.

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21 Comments

Filed under Adventures with Dear Sweet Mama, I Rule You, I'm Confused, Just Call Me Beavis, Kittehs!, La Vida Loca, On the Road Again, WTF???

21 responses to “STGD Day, Part Deux

  1. I do love how you write, Hoody. 🙂

    Pearl

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  2. Dear Sweet Mama

    You know, my hope springs eternal. We will someday make an early bird special, thus not spending more on a dinner than it is worth. We will sometime go on a vacation without all of us, at seperate times, being closeted in separate rooms (note I used different spellings as I am not sure which is correct) whispering violently about one another. We will all be the families I see that seem to all get along. Perhaps they are carving one another up while in the confines of their time share, but on the outside, they LOOK NORMAL. Sigh. Or maybe I just need more margaritas. But – let’s try again next year!! My house on the Jersey Shore!!

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    • So…someday…you’ll bring the good drugs on vacation? Because without the good drugs, I don’t see this happening.

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    • I keep telling you, those “normal families” are FAKES planted by the pharmaceutical companies to make us buy more Prozac. EVERYONE is just as fucked up as we are, have you not met my readers???

      And the good drugs don’t help anymore, only mi amigo, Jose Cuervo!

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  3. Hah, I irritate the crap out of adjacent semi-family members too. Just by being upright and breathing. It’s a knack.

    Your Ol’ Dad is clearly expressing himself in passive-aggressive fashion. He doesn’t want to clean litter boxes any more and he can’t figure out how to tell you, so he does it as badly as possible so he won’t have to do it again. My kids try this all the time. I make them go back and do shit over because that doesn’t fly with me. So you simply have to make him go back and take the bags to the garbage and point out how much MORE work he made for himself. Then he’ll do it right next time. Or he’ll run away from home. It’s a toss-up.

    DSM is clearly delusional about the success rate of the average family vacation.

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  4. HAHAHAHAHA. Being on time. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

    Maybe we’re long lost cousins or something. My family is constantly late. Well, except for my sister, who may be a changeling.

    We once left for a road trip. The plan was to get out of the house by 10 AM. We left at 10 PM. I shit you not.

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    • um, did you not notice the condo was Sunday to Sunday… and we didn’t go until MONDAY? it’s like we’re all constantly on “island time” like they do in Jamaica — “No worries, mon, soon come,” can mean anything from the next 5 minutes to the next 5 years!

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  5. I am ALWAYS on time…if not way early…my inlaws on the other hand will spend copious amounts of time planning and then be late for everythign they plan. Its totally annoying since I got there 30 minutes early and they are an hour late means I have been waiting around (WITH KIDS-one with ADHD) for an hour and a half.

    I have started to make sure I scope out what is ‘around’ so I can entertain myself while I wait. Bastards!

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    • As an INDIVIDUAL person, I leave for everything at least a half an hour early — as a FAMILY UNIT, yeah, it’s best to just get dressed, have a seat and start drinking.

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  6. The Boy had the pleasure of going on vacation with my family in June. I think it explains a lot about me. We call our family the herd of turtles because we think, and ask opinions, and hesitate to make decisions, then capitulate, then ponder…finally someone actually suggests something, anything and WE ARE OFF…like a herd of turtles.

    The Boy and I are great vacationers because we research and plan but don’t over-itinerize. And our decisions only take 30 seconds to make because neither of us really care so any reasonable suggestion is taken.

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    • I like to look at all the little brochure dealies and plan things to do, but I’m not gonna lose my mind if we miss it. East Coast Aunt used to have a PRINTED ITINERARY of each day of vacation… but DSM broke her of that right smart!

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  7. Pingback: STGD Day, Part Deux | Kids say :

  8. I JUST. CAN’T. STOP
    Is awesome. I wouldn’t be able to either like when I know I’m getting on D’s nerves I just have to keep poking at his bubble until something pops…possibly that vein in his forehead.

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  9. I feel for ya, Darlin’. I really do. Best line ever: ‘nd when we got back from dinner I had to help clean out the fridge by drinking all the liquor, so that was good.’ LMAO

    Ok, the bags of dirty cat litter in the tub and not the trash? Umm, he doesn’t drive a vehicle anymore, does he? I mean, I’d hate to hear he one day decided to start driving on the sidewalks instead of the road.

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  10. Wait, WHY did he put the cat litter in the bathtub? Did you ask him that? Why not carry it out, or just leave it in front of the door to rot? That’s weird. Are you worried about unknown things that may have happened in your house, perpetrated by the weirdness of the cat litter man? Just sayin’.

    Glad to have you back. I’ll just keep saying it over and over. I know you’ve been back for awhile, but night has kind of flown into day for me and then again and again and anyway. Now that I’m less catatonic from new baby, I can start up a correspondence again.

    Or something like that.

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    • I have asked him and asked him, and there is no explanation. He’s rather religious, so I’m checking the Bible for a secret “Thou shalt do senseless things with thine cat’s feces,” commandment, but so far, no dice. We could see what he does if we have him watch your baby?

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  11. Pingback: Chow Down, Bitches! | hoodyhoo

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