Sorry I was MIA on Friday — apparently everybody but me got the memo not to come to work so I was busier than a one-armed paper hanger in an ass-kickin’ contest (I may have fucked up that analogy…).

Anyhoo, as I promised, shit’s about to go down on the Great Family Beach Adventure.  So, without further ado, I present Day 6:  otherwise known as STGD Day (title courtesy of the magnificent LeeAnn!)


So, the tensions have been building… 6 women and a small girl child mooshed up together in a condo with ONLY 2 BATHROOMS… bad enough.  Add in the inevitable personality conflicts that occur when more than 1 member of the Hoo Family is in the same geographic region at the same time (seriously, there’s a reason we’re pretty much spread out all over the place)… and you get… SHIT GOING DOWN.

The first battle of Day 6 begins when Dear Sweet Mama, The Concubine, and HoodyHoo announce their intention to go over to Manteo during the bad-UV part of the day to look at the always-kitschy Christmas Shop (if you’ve ever been, you understand.  If not, go NOW).  ECA views this as a mutiny (which is always what happens when any members of “the crew”  break off on their own… but DSM always has selective amnesia regarding this fact and is thus constantly surprised when it happens… AGAIN).  So there begins a bit of bitching, but it isn’t so bad, and the mutinous trio sets out… but ECA’s reaction has put The Concubine in fine fettle, because TC doesn’t have A) DSM’s amnesia or B) Hoody’s complete lack of give-a-shit. 

So after The Christmas Shop (where Our Heroine further ingratiates herself with Tiny Second Cousin (and, by extension, ECA) by buying C2 an ornament with her name on it (C2, like Hoody herself, has an unusual name and so does not usually get cool crap like kids named Jennifer or Bobby would)) — whoa, what a lotta parentheses!  The 3 Mutineers are driving along to the next destination when The Concubine makes the mistake of telling Hoody to be quiet so she can give DSM directions.

This is a problem because A) Hoody basically grew up here and knows where everything is, as does DSM, so the discussion in question was more of a “should we go this way and look for better parking or just give up and park here?” than any actual degree of lost-ness.  And of course, B) NO ONE PUTS HOODY IN THE CORNER.  Not even poor dead Jerry Orbach, and certainly not a member of her own fam dambly.

So there was some snapping, and Hoody followed the “Yell and Walk Away” rule… so by the time we arrived at the cool bookstore, all was forgotten… or so it appeared…

After remaining MIA through lunch so as to eat the magnificent Rundown Soup, The 3 Mutineers return to the condo to take part in more pool time and participate in dinner planning.  It is decided that the party will attempt to dine at a restaurant that offers a buy-one-get-one-free deal IF your entire party is seated by 4:30pm.  As zero-hour approaches… The Concubine’s stress level is increasing…

It’s gonna take at least one more post to get all the way through this — which I think means I will have blogged about the beach longer than I was actually AT the beach, but whaddya gonna do?  Stay tuned!



Filed under Adventures with Dear Sweet Mama, I Rule You, Just Call Me Beavis, La Vida Loca, On the Road Again, WTF???

14 responses to “STGD Day

  1. “…which I think means I will have blogged about the beach longer than I was actually AT the beach”

    This seems to happen to me ALL THE TIME. What is up with that? And then a bunch of things happen and I’m all “I should write about THAT, no wait, I should write about THIS, but THIS needs to be broken up into two posts, but THAT is more immediate, and then something else has happened, oh CRAP I am going to spend the rest of my life blogging about the weekend!”


    • I have a feeling it’s because I like to talk and/or blog about my experiences more than I actually like… uh, doin’ stuff. ‘Cause doin’ stuff is HARD, and sometimes you have to go OUTSIDE…


  2. Ah, the delights of the passive-aggressive family vacation. I usually go home furious because I don’t have the ability to walk away and leave it at that. I tend to dwell. And ruminate. Just a bit.

    At least you get magnificent food. Decent food and alcohol makes any situation more tolerable.


  3. I come from a large family and we always have someone offended for some reason or another…. I grew up a peace keeper…which means… I get my ass handed to me all the time and feel bad about it… I need to work on that… can you give a girl some tips on hot to have a complete lack of give a shit? I need to know asap … because I have a situation that calls for it RIGHT now… !!


    • I used to try to peace-keep — until I realized all that ever got was both the original yellers yelling at ME. So fuck ’em. I suggest alcohol and Xanax to help you achieve this attitude… believe me, it’s A LOT easier!


  4. I need to learn to proof read too…but I won’t..


  5. This is really starting to get stressful to read. I like the beach, but you’re scaring the shit out of me.


    • it’s not the beach’s fault — this would happen no matter where The Hoo Clan gathers. It’s like I keep telling y’all — WE’RE A BUNCH OF DRUNKEN HILLBILLIES. This is what we do!


  6. Pingback: STGD Day, Part Deux | hoodyhoo

  7. “And of course, B) NO ONE PUTS HOODY IN THE CORNER.”—-This. This right here is why I love your blog.


    • is it bad that when I typed that, I got all sidetracked thinking about if there was a battle between Zombie Jerry Orbach and Zombie Patrick Swayze, who would win? Is THIS why the Jehovah’s Witnesses keep running off my porch?


  8. Pingback: Chow Down, Bitches! | hoodyhoo

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