And So It Begins…

We rejoin Our Intrepid Heroine as she begins the Great Family Adventure…

Day 1 (Monday):  After a trip down that was relatively uneventful (mostly due to the fact that Our Heroine was stoned to the gills on Dramamine so she could ride in the backseat without “buying a Buick”), Dear Sweet Mama, The Concubine and HoodyHoo arrive at East Coast Aunt’s Outer Banks condo in the midst of a wicked downpour.  Fortunately, this is over quickly, and the evening wraps up quietly with fried chicken and a card game (Quiddler?  Quizzler?  Something like Uno but with letters instead of numbers — like if Uno and Scrabble had a baby) — which ECA attempts to win by making the words “titty” and “gem,” much to everyone’s general amusement.

Day 2 (Tuesday): The Concubine backtracks up to Virginia to visit with one of her sisters (being raised Catholic, The Concubine has a surfeit of sisters).  The rest of the party does the beach thing in the morning, followed by cold fried chicken for lunch, then an excursion to the pool.  DSM, Hoody and ECA’s Backup attempt to help Tiny Second Cousin with her swimming lessons, which mostly consists of C2 putting her feet on one’s thighs and leaping out with a mighty horse kick to swim to the next person in line.  This results in DSM and Hoody repairing to the bar down the street at the earliest opportunity for liquor drinks and a truly disastrous attempt to play Cornhole (which is apparently what the kids today call “Beanbag Toss.”).  It seems the new name of the game is simply too vulgar to allow DSM and Hoody to be any good at it.

Day 3 (Wednesday):  Cousin’s Wife wakes up to discover she has somehow scratched her cornea (which seems to be going around, doesn’t it?) and must be hauled off to the Urgent Care (another Hoo Family tradition — if we ain’t been to Bear Drug, we ain’t been to the beach).  DSM and Hoody make the first excursion down to the beach (while ECA’s Backup attempts to get  C2 into her swimsuit and ECA forces Cousin’s Wife into the car for the trip to Urgent Care).  Before these tasks can be completed, DSM and Hoody return to the condo, having discovered that there are WAAAAAY too many jellyfish to go in the water (this becomes important later).  So the remaining party ventures to the pool for the morning, then returns to the condo for a Duneburger lunch thoughtfully provided by ECA on the way back from Bear Drug.  DSM and Hoody volunteer to go to the store for dinner ingredients (and chocolate sauce and onion dip for Cousin’s Wife, who is now wearing an eye patch and being referred to as Blind Lemon Cornpone).  They also plan to stop at the package store for hard liquor, since The Concubine will be returning soon and only hard liquor has any chance of defusing potential… incidents… with ECA.  Upon returning from the store, DSM and Hoody discover the joys of drinking mojitos in the pool… and the danger of attempting to use a floating pool chair while drinking mojitos in the pool (it will later be determined that Hoody and ECA are too “top-heavy” for the float… that’s our story and we’re sticking to it).

More to come on Day 4 — Will ECA manage not to murder The Concubine for not showing a properly worshipful attitude to C2 AND refusing to follow the long-standing itinerary of “doing whatever ECA says?  Will Hoody be able to stay just drunk ENOUGH not to say anything but not SO drunk the police have to come?  All these questions and more will be answered… in our next episode!



Filed under Adventures with Dear Sweet Mama, Just Call Me Beavis, La Vida Loca, On the Road Again, White Man's Medicine

16 responses to “And So It Begins…

  1. Dunn ah nuhhhhhh!!!

    Pools and Mojitos… reminds me of Cuba! Now I need to book a vacation!


    • they were the kind you buy pre-mixed at the liquor store — and we put down a whole bottle that afternoon. I told DSM we could mix it with Sprite if she wanted bubbles, and she asked if I was adopted.


  2. I, too, am familiar with Dramamine. Especially on those WV backroads.

    I took one before I flew to TX the other week. Slept through the take off and most of the flight. It was glorious!


  3. I had a friend who was drinking a margarita in the pool and she tripped and almost drowned – with all her friends watching and sipping their cocktails – because she was too drunk to find her footing. Why do I have a feeling you’ve got a similar story?


  4. Well, sounds pretty positive so far… plenty of booze and fried chicken. What could go wrong?


  5. Last summer, I went to Vegas with a bunch of friends and we took over the pool at Treasure Island. The combination of liquor + clumsy people who gesture a lot = more alcohol in the pool than in our cups. You might have been arrested for letting your kid swim there.

    I am also unable to take Cornhole seriously due to the name. For the longest time, I thought it referred to something else. Really, almost anything else. I was almost disappointed to discover it’s actually Beanbag Toss.


    • there were a lot of lunges from me and DSM accompanied by shouts of “that’s a grown-up drink!” ECA would have MURDERED us if we got C2 hammered! And I once spent an entire road trip thru Ohio giggling everytime we passed a sign that said “Cornhole Here!” until I was informed that it was a game and I was a pervert.


  6. Ok, yes I just sat and read through your entire archives. And I am ready to admit that I have a girl crush. It’s not even a drunken, just-that-one-time-in-college type of girl crush. Despite the bourbon diet I instituted this evening, I think I may have found a new favorite place to read.


  7. Pingback: Same Batshit Time, Same Batshit Channel | hoodyhoo

  8. I had to stop reading because you said “after a trip down” which I thought was HILARIOUS. I’m dirty. Sorry.


  9. Pingback: Chow Down, Bitches! | hoodyhoo

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