Until some responsible person and/or government agency blocks my DVR from recording “True Life,” I’m just going to continue my downward spiral into terrible-person-hood. The Weasel and I were watching the one about the girls who have that Body Dysmorphic Disorder — you know, where you think you’re horribly ugly but you’re not? And I started by feeling sorry for them… but they were just… so… ANNOYING.
So I started talking to the TV (like ya do — and you wonder why Chuckweasel is selectively deaf) and telling these girls in no uncertain terms that what they THOUGHT was wrong with them was the LEAST of their worries. Like, one of them thought she had an ugly chin, but really the whole problem was that she held her mouth in that weird underbite pouty way that some girls for some reason think is sexy… kinda like what The Zell does with her squinky eyes, only she’s doing it with her mouth. Plus she had one of those high-pitched whiny voices and she ended every sentence with an upward inflection? Like it was a question? And I hate that? So, a boob job won’t help with none of that, stupid.
The other one was entirely too rich and entitled and she tortured her poor mama and her brother with her drama, then MADE HER BOYFRIEND BUY HER A NOSE JOB! Bit of advice: If you’ve pissed and moaned enough that your significant other will buy you MAJOR SURGERY just so you’ll shut the fuck up, your nose is not the issue. Your MOUTH is.
Plus the fact that she wore one of those stick-em gems in the middle of her forehead like an Indian woman — to, and I quote, “distract people from looking at her face.” Since when does sticking a shiny something to something keep people from looking at that thing? You are an idiot.