Now That You Mention It

Until some responsible person and/or government agency blocks my DVR from recording “True Life,” I’m just going to continue my downward spiral into terrible-person-hood.  The Weasel and I were watching the one about the girls who have that Body Dysmorphic Disorder — you know, where you think you’re horribly ugly but you’re not?  And I started by feeling sorry for them… but they were just… so… ANNOYING.

So I started talking to the TV (like ya do — and you wonder why Chuckweasel is selectively deaf) and telling these girls in no uncertain terms that what they THOUGHT was wrong with them was the LEAST of their worries.  Like, one of them thought she had an ugly chin, but really the whole problem was that she held her mouth in that weird underbite pouty way that some girls for some reason think is sexy… kinda like what The Zell  does with her squinky eyes, only she’s doing it with her mouth.  Plus she had one of those high-pitched whiny voices and she ended every sentence with an upward inflection?  Like it was a question?  And I hate that?  So, a boob job won’t help with none of that, stupid.

The other one was entirely too rich and entitled and she tortured her poor mama and her brother with her drama, then MADE HER BOYFRIEND BUY HER A NOSE JOB!  Bit of advice:  If you’ve pissed and moaned enough that your significant other will buy you MAJOR SURGERY just so you’ll shut the fuck up, your nose is not the issue.  Your MOUTH is.

Plus the fact that she wore one of those stick-em gems in the middle of her forehead like an Indian woman — to, and I quote, “distract people from looking at her face.”  Since when does sticking a shiny something to something keep people from looking at that thing?  You are an idiot.



Filed under I'm Confused, La Vida Loca, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized, Weep for Humanity

23 responses to “Now That You Mention It

  1. Sooooo…she doesn’t want people looking at her face, so she put something sparkly on to draw attention to…her face?

    Yeah…that last girl has some messed up logic.


  2. I was just noticing the other day that I talk to the TV as well. Willie thinks it’s funny but it disturbs me that I JUST noticed it! How long have I been yelling at the set?!

    And the reality shows?! Oh, my. They need a reality show on people like US, watching these goombahs and yelling…



  3. I love that so much, i particularly love how I actually read the mock question? blog bits with an inflection in my inner voice – hehe


  4. “Your nose is not the issue. Your MOUTH is.” = priceless. Although I was somewhat disappointed that you didn’t offer suggestions for a mouth fix, like wiring their jaw shut or sewing their lips together. Come on, if you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem.

    I also read the question thing with an inflection in my head? Because that’s what everybody does?


    • Since she was holding her jaw back so it looked like she had a receding chin, maybe I could punch her in the mouth? Then the swelling would make her look normal.


  5. Yes lets put a jewel on her head to distract from the fact that her face is ugly… I’m “Jewel=Jul” I’ll sit on her face!


  6. People are not kittens. You can’t distract them from ugly with something…oooh, sparkly.

    My favorite reality show is Lockup. Because I have some weird fascination with people in jail and how sucky their lives are. I was very disappointed by Lockup International, though. NOT about how sucky it is to be in a Thai prison. Just the stories of idiots who end up in foreign prisons because they didn’t realize stuffing 4 kilos of crack in your girly bits for the best friend you met yesterday would be a bad idea.


  7. Meh… they’re just projecting to their chin or nose or whatever. Their problem is that they’re really frickin’ ugly on the inside. I don’t know if a plastic surgeon can fix that.

    Wait, was that a mean thing to say? Awww, crap. Time to go Botox my soul again.


  8. I have not seen this show. I like the way it gets your dander up. I think I’m in. Vent a little venom at some damn fools. I plan to beg for a boob job and be perfectly happy about it. And my tummy tuck. Happy enough to bedazzle my nips.


  9. Damn. I knew an Indian woman once whose parents made her get eye surgery and stop swimming because men didn’t want women “with muscles on their back.” So then her parents start arranging dates, she in Chicago, the parents in India, and the guys take her to Dunkin’ Donuts for dinner and make her pay her own way.

    Then she would sit around with my wife and talk about how ugly she was.

    Nasty world, this. Good thing I’m blessed with not giving a fuck about my appearance. Or being completely out of touch. Hey, did you hear that the Cubs won?


    • WAIT…Men don’t like muscles??? Well then… I totally don’t have any…Maybe he WILL take me to the Prom now!!


      • I just wanna know how she got so many muscles in her eye that she had to have surgery to get rid of them… Stop that blinking, you’ll never get a husband!


      • Don’t they know having a husband is like SOOOOO overrated??? I have one… I have been trying to find a loophole in our contract ever since. Bastard just wont go away…

        My advice to her is, STOP talking to your parents, they live a million miles away…its soooo unnecessary. Second, get a vibrator…IT will be so much more pleasurable and reliable then a husband!


  10. Thank Morgan Freeman I don’t have cable because I’m sure I’d watch this very same show and probably have an aneurysm.


  11. I am so pleased to know that someone else screams at the stupid people on MTV as much as I do (as I sit cross-stitching in bed like a little old lady). Have you seen the True Life where the guy wants “calf implants” – you should – you will hate him (in a delightfully fun way).


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