I have discovered something that may come as a shock to y’all… I… am a terrible, terrible person.
I know, I know, you’re all aflutter : “Oh, no, not Hoody! How can this be? She is sweetness and light and graciousness incarnate!” Yeah, not so much.
See, The Weasel and I were watching some show about this girl who was hanging out in the Hamptons for the summer with her rich friend (who of course could get them invited to all the good parties), and the not-rich girl got all up in the rich girl’s face for saying mean shit behind people’s back. I ask you, Hoody’s Hooligans: WHY THE HELL ELSE WOULD YOU GO TO A PARTY???
Here are some of the rich girl’s gems:
“Too short, too tight, too fat.”
“I’m actually embarrassed.” (for a sad so-called “rapper” trying to break it down)
“So… much… PAISLEY.”
I LOVE THIS GIRL! Ask Chuckweasel or Dear Sweet Mama — this is what I do. If there is a thing to be mocked, rest assured, I will mock it. I see it as my sacred duty: If you don’t have something nice to say about somebody, come sit by me.
Plus, the rich girl routinely got bartenders to give her the ENTIRE BOTTLE instead of just a glass of the free champagne… and she summed up her philosophy with my three favorite words: “I don’t care.”
Which is rich Yankee girl speak for “Fuck all y’all, where’s my purse?”