I Want It NOW!

I thought we were supposed to learn patience and self-control BETTER as we got older,but that’s not how it’s working for me — I want it all, and I want it NOW!

For example — Dear Sweet Mama, the Concubine and I will be headed to the Outer Banks at the end of the month to do the family visit thang… and now that it’s planned, I want to go NOW!  I have completely lost my ability to wait for anything, and I’m also noticing a tendency to get unreasonably frustrated when I am made to wait (What?  Last night’s “Sister Wives” isn’t on the onDemand yet?  DAMMIT!).

This puts me in direct confrontation with the people I like to call, “The Most Annoying Fuckers on the Planet.”  You know who I mean:

HoodyHoo:  Damn, I wish it was Friday!

Annoying Fucker:  You should never wish your life away.

WHAT?  Who the fuck says something like that?  That’s kinda dark, right, like maybe you’re threatening me?  It’s just an expression, you literal-minded douchebag!  Tell you what:  How ’bout I just wish YOUR life away?

Shit, now I have to make a list…

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16 Comments

Filed under Adventures with Dear Sweet Mama, I Rule You, Random Thoughts, Weep for Humanity, WTF???

16 responses to “I Want It NOW!

  1. I feel this way about sooo many things…like if I have to wait for a bathroom… I damn near piss my pants and thats no lie… God help the fucker who tells me I shouldn’t wish time away then…

    I also once cried like a baby (as an adult) because my plans had to change because of a big storm… Mother nature sucks ass sometimes.

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  2. “You should never wish your life away.”
    “You’re right. I should make my dreams a reality. Master of my own fate.”
    “That’s the spirit!…. OW! OW! STOP! OW! WHAT THE HELL! OW!”
    “And now my dream of kicking your ass have become reality. Thank you, doucheface!”

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  3. Dear Mr. Literal,

    I am not wishing my life away. I am wishing the fuck I didn’t have to be here and hang out with douch-nozzles like you.

    XOXO Leauxra

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  4. I missed Sister Wives! I want to watch it NOW too.

    Oooh I loved the Outer Banks and will be going back this winter (I only do beaches in the winter) and I want to go NOW too.

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  5. Oh, you had a run-in with The People Who Will Always Be More Adult Than You. I hate ’em too. I console myself that since they never cut loose, they will eventually either explode from frustration or die after a prolonged and very boring old age.

    I may or may not have thrown a tantrum last week over not getting what I wanted. I’ve also been known to have a meltdown because plans changed suddenly. Then I have to bribe myself to ensure my own good behavior. “Just one more parent-teacher conference and you can have a mocha coffee!”

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  6. 🙂 People whose reactions mirror my own crack me up.

    Pearl

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  7. Considering I say both of things to myself on a daily basis perhaps I should seek help.

    Nah, I’ll just have another margarita!

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  8. Impatience is why I hate to do lots of advance planning. Because then it’s done. Time to get in car NOW and get the hell out of Dodge. Not sit around for weeks or months. By the time of action comes I can’t even remember which airport to go to.

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