Pissing Me Off…

Alright, that’s just about enough.  I am making it my personal mission to stalk parking lots and garages all over the earth… disabling people’s high-beam headlights.

High-Beam headlights are a PRIVILEGE, not a RIGHT, and there are just too many people out there who don’t know how to use them, so that’s it.  No one can have them now.  Happy?

If only those people would learn when NOT to use their “brights,” or even just the proper etiquette for when to turn them off (don’t wait that extra “fuck you” second to blind the oncoming driver.  I know what you’re doing, you douche).  And if the Good Lord and the State Highways Department have put up streetlights, guess what?  Your regular headlights should do you fine.  But now they’ve gone and ruined it for everyone, and I’m grabbing my screwdriver.

I’m also mightily pissed off that there is no Shrimp Flavored Ramen to be had for love nor money.  Not that I’ve ever paid for ramen with love before, but I would be willing to consider it for some shrimp flavor!  I went to 3 stores and sent Chuckweasel to another yesterday — no shrimp ramen.  Chicken and Beef, yes, but no Shrimp.  One place even had a flavor called “Oriental,” which I can only assume tastes like Jackie Chan, but no shrimp.

Chuckweasel says they maybe quit making it because it wasn’t made from real shrimp and would kill you.  I told him if that was true, A)  they’d have to stop making ALL ramen, ’cause none of it is real, and B)  I would be dead.  ‘Cause when I go on a ramen-eating kick, I can really put it away, man.  IF I COULD ONLY FIND IT.

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23 Comments

Filed under I'm Confused, La Vida Loca, Random Thoughts, Reality Bites, Uncategorized, WTF???

23 responses to “Pissing Me Off…

  1. Go to the bulk barn and buy “essence of shrimp” then just buy the beef ramen and take the beef packet out (…i’ll take that) and sprinkle some Shrimp shavings on your noodles and VOILA! Shrimp Ramen!

    (You should totally get a big mac though… its still only half the meat-I checked it out yesterday!) Your welcome!

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  2. “Essence of shrimp?” You’re fucking with me, right? You just want me to go to the clerk and ask if they have it so they’ll mock me!

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  3. WAIT…Your right Essence of Shrimp is available at Tony’s meat shop (say that with an italian accent- damn internet) … But I think it is just cut up pieces of that midget they off’d last week! Hoody you are totally up shit creek without a paddel! Where the HELL is Forest Gump when you need him… most likely running again…fuckr!!

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  4. Poor you, I had this same problem with bacon noodles (way better flavouring than any others) and then was told (after destroying the store display) that they don’t make them any more……grrrr

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  5. ” But now they’ve gone and ruined it for everyone, and I’m grabbing my screwdriver.”

    Oooh, can I come? I could write that dialogue right now, I swear. 🙂

    Hoody, your posts keep getting funnier.

    Pearl

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    • Thanks! I’m so glad people find my insane rantings entertaining! And if you wanna help with the mission, come on over! We’ll be wearing face paint and safari vests.

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  6. I agree, you get those high beam jerks! I never use them, even when I’m speeding down a winding mountain road in the dark. Why? Because only type A personalities who are afraid of death use high beams. And people who can’t see, which means they shouldn’t be DRIVING, assholes!

    While you’re at it, can you kill some of those blue halogen lights? Those things are worse than the high beams in my opinion.

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    • OHMAHGAWD, I forgot about those! I freakin’ HATE those things! And they always say the blue lights are “safer.” How can they be safer when you’ve just blinded all the drivers around you?

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  7. The guys driving with their high beams on are the shrimp flavored ramen noodle delivery guys – they want to blind you so that you don’t know where they are going. It’s a bigger conspiracy than you think!

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  8. Ugh. Morons and their high beams.

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  9. Mmmm, I think I’m having ramen for lunch now.

    I hate high beams. There’s absolutely no use for them…in the middle of nowhere I don’t use them and I’m fine. There’s really NO REASON to use them anywhere near another human being.

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    • there’s plenty of places in Wes’ BYGAWD Virginny where it’s darker than 2 feet up a well-digger’s butt, but you STILL don’t need anything more than regular headlights! The only thing high-beams are good for is freaking out the deer so they leap into the side of your car!

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  10. I don’t have too much of a problem with high beams. Living in the middle of civilization tends to take care of that. What I fucking hate is the blue beams that everybody and his brother has on their fancy cars. Seriously, those things will blind you faster than high beams. And none of those shizznuts can drive anyway. It’s an epidemic around here — people with fancy European cars who can’t drive worth beans. I want to take away their keys. “You! Yes, you, over there with the Mercedes who has no idea how to merge into traffic. You have proven you can not handle having this beautiful, expensive piece of equipment. Here’s a beater. Drive that shit until you figure out what you’re doing.”

    Oddly, Oriental is the only flavor of ramen that I like. However, I was told that the people are called Asians and Oriental should only refer to rugs/furniture. So instead of cut-up pieces of Jackie Chan, it’s probably cut-up pieces of his apartment. Hmm, not sure that’s better.

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  11. REALLY. Nothing says “I don’t fucking care a rat’s ass about anyone else except for myself” than waiting that extra-long extra second to dim those brights. Isn’t it funny how when you shoot the fuckers as they drive by you on the road, you’re the one who gets labelled with “road rage” and has to go to court over it?

    Like

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