I Need an Old Priest and a Young Priest

Seriously, this may be one of the Signs of the ‘Pocolypse.  Chuckweasel and I were taking out the garbage yesterday (usually his job all by himself, but in his defense, there was a lot of it due to the packing boxes from the equipment) when the Evil Apartment Manager Lady stepped out her door.  And my brain said “FUCK,” because generally talking to her makes me all stabby and twitchy, like when she leaves notes on my door telling me to sweep the leaves off the porch… when it’s RAINING and has been for WEEKS.  (I solved that one by leaving her a return note that said I would be happy to sweep the porch… once the leaves were DRY and could therefore BE swept.)

So I’m expecting more jackassery, like maybe another leaf has landed on the porch to mock her (really y’all, it’s almost ALWAYS leaves — I think a leaf robbed her granny), BUT SHE WAS NICE!  She actually APOLOGIZED for not realizing that I could not sweep wet leaves, and she seemed to be at least somewhat open to my idea for screening in the porch to keep the leaves out!  This is the same woman who wouldn’t let me hang those outdoor blinds because, and I quote, “everyone else doesn’t have them.”  Truly, the end is near. 

We’ll know for sure if she actually approves my screening plan.

PS — I am required as a good daughter to tell y’all that my father says he is not really an asshole.  And he claims he was actually not at home on Saturday, not punking me with Rapture phone-tag.  So if he is not in fact an asshole, there’s only one place I could have gotten it from… hmmm.

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26 Comments

Filed under Adventures with Dear Sweet Mama, He's the DJ I'm the Rapper, I'm Confused, WTF???, Ye Olde Apartment Complex

26 responses to “I Need an Old Priest and a Young Priest

  1. Maybe the fake Rapture scared some sense into the manager.

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  2. hey, I never thought of that! Maybe she’s sad she’s still here and she’s trying to get some more points?

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  3. Or maybe when she was a child a whomping willow, whomped her puppy and now ‘leaves’ are a dark reminder of her dead dog named “damnit”…(her dad was funnier then she was)…. There is only one explaination. You obviously hate puppies. And the end of days is coming in October… he can’t be wrong for a 4th time!

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  4. Are you sure this wasn’t some kind of changeling or something? An alien wearing a “landlord” suit, or a pod person or something? I have often thought that certain people could be improved if they were replaced by an alien invader…

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  5. You might want to have some chickens and other assorted voodoo materials on hand just in case. I’m not sure of the efficacy of Catholicism on the walking dead. And get you and Chuckweasel some helmets. PROTECT YOUR BRAINS, HOODY. Zombies are hongry.

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  6. Wow, maybe this has something to do with the cops and such 🙂 Does she think you put the leaves there? She should tidy her own porch if it’s communal

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    • the porches/balconies are attached to our own apartments, but the leaves come from the communal parking lot — which is the genesis of my ingenious screening idea!

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  7. Hmm…suspicious. VERY suspicious. Proceed with caution. I’ll have my grandmother send you some holy water she keeps in mason jars.

    Just in case.

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  8. I’d like to help, but half the family is fundie and the other half is Lutheran. I can offer you a small boy and an extremely elderly bowl of guacamole?

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  9. Dear Sweet Mama

    Can you use a middlin to old priest and priestess? We might be able to help.

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  10. hoodyhoo.wordpress.com is awsome, bookmarked!

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  11. Our management people are never around. They just hang up letters in the foyer to inform us of all of the shit we have done but weren’t supposed to. We respond by ignoring them. It seems that everyone is happy with the arrangement.

    Occasionally they come and take pictures of all the stuff everyone has sitting around in the hallway, like baby buggies and pallets of condoms, but nothing ever comes of it. I think they’re collecting leverage for some apocalyptic legal action.

    We (my wife, my ten neighbors and I) decided that if it comes to that, we’re going to barricade ourselves in and wait for the police to come. In Austria, if you squat somewhere for long enough, that somewhere belongs to you. Granted, this is a period of about 10 years, but we could do that. We all have huge roof terraces. We could raise some sheep and enough grass to keep us alive for ten years.

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    • She often does put a note on her door about the office being closed — I refer to it as the “Fuck off, I don’t care” note. And be careful, sheep are stupid — they’ll fall off them terraces and all you’ll have is mutton.

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  12. I’m glad I own my house finally so I don’t have to deal with building managers and crazy-ass land ladies. Now *I* get to be the crazy-ass house manager for Hubby 🙂

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    • I seem to attract the crazy — I have also had a landlord who would not go upstairs in the rental house because he thought it was haunted, and another one who came to show the house to new prospective tenants because he thought I had moved out already… it’s me, it’s gotta be!

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